Friday, August 10, 2012
The last two weeks I've been eating above my calorie goal and haven't been recording it. It showed on the scale this morning with a zero weight loss week. At least it isn't a gain, I tell myself! I think the only thing that kept me from gaining was that I have been keeping up with my exercise during this time.
What gets me though is "why"?
Why have I stopped recording what I'm eating?
Why have I suddenly started mindlessly snacking again?
Why, when I paused last night before putting a handful of chocolate chips in my mouth and thought "I wonder what's triggering this?", did I just keep putting it in my mouth instead of stopping?
It's been about 7 weeks now since I've joined SparkPeople and I know that I have a notoriously short attention span when it comes to dieting. What's strange this time is that I haven't been feeling terribly restricted or hard done by. I'm wondering if I'm just getting a wee bit bored.
I'm *hoping* that it's not some type of self sabotage. But I worry about this. I mean, my highest weight ever was 208.5 lbs, which I "achieved" this past Christmas. Believe it or not, at 5'10" this juuuuuuuuust puts my BMI into the obese range. I've spent pretty much my whole adult life in the 180s and 190s in the "overweight" range.
A few years ago I had a fair amount of success doing Weight Watchers with a friend. I don't remember total poundage lost but I think it was close to 20 lbs and I know I was in the 170s and just a few pounds away from my upper healthy weight threshold of 174 lbs. With my goal so close, it was still so far away as for some reason, I just gave up and put about 10 lbs back on within the following 6 months or so.
At the time, I attributed the weight gain to stress. I was just starting to write up my PhD thesis, was flying around the continent for postdoctoral fellowship interviews, and was wondering what would happen with the relationship I was in. Seemed reasonable that I would gain a bit of weight back.
But now here I am, at an ok point in my life - in love and very happy in my personal life, sorting stuff out but starting to feel empowered in my professional life - and I've had these couple weeks that feel like have the potential to be the beginning of the end. Why?
I don't really have an answer, but in trying to make it as easy and enjoyable as possible to stick with my diet and exercise I've adopted a race schedule for the next several months that I'm hoping will keep me motivated in my running and I'm trying to mix up my food in fun ways. For instance, I just ordered a bento box online and I'm excited to try it out for my lunches!
Anyway, I guess I'm writing this for myself really. A little note-to-self to check yourself before you wreck yourself Eileen!!! Start tracking again, it works!!!