Thursday, August 09, 2012
After the very scary FBS numbers yesterday morning, I am glad to report I am back to normal ranges. I was at 103 this morning, and I am fine with that. I ate right, drank plenty of water, and exercised a little bit. I had a migraine when I got home from work and napped a bit, or tried to at least. My phone kept ringing, which annoyed me.
I came into work this morning knowing I had a meeting with my temporary boss. I didn't expect her to tell me to look for another position within the company. I have to admit though that knowing that there are a few managers in the group that I've been supporting on the compliance side for the past 6 years that are not happy with this. If I want to stay with the group, I'd have to take a major paycut and become and admin. I have nothing against admins, but I didn't spend the last 20 years developing a career in quality assurance to become an admin. So here I am, 46 years old, and needing to find a new job whether it's within this company or at another one.
One disturbing thing that came out of that meeting was being told that I am perceived as difficult, inflexible and that I go about actively resisting change. All I could think was is she really talking about me? I'm all for change. Change is necessary to make progress. Heck my entire life is about change! I know my skills, and I know what I can do and what I can't. I am always willing to learn new things when given the opportunity. How can she be talking about me? So now I am going to have a long, hard and honest look at myself. If something about me needs changing, then I will change it. I will not, however, make a change that is not good for me. I don't subscribe to changing for the heck of changing. There has to be some benefit to change in my opinion. Maybe this is why I am inflexible? *shrug* I have no ideas right now.
In other news, I've already completed my strength training for the day. I took an exercise break after that meeting. I thought exercising was better than crying, which I admit I felt like doing. I'm terribly sensitive to criticism, constructive or otherwise. It's something I've been working on for 7 years now in therapy. Guess I need to work on it a bit more.
I have a plum and an orange sitting on my desk, waiting for me to eat them so I have my two fruits in for the day. I'm not hungry though. I've lost my appetite, and eating something because I know I should doesn't seem right to me. Kind of lost right now, ya know?
To borrow a line from my favorite movie (kudos to you if you can guess the movie), "I won't think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day."