Thursday, August 09, 2012
Just wanted to quickly journal/blog this morning as I am able to reflect on the night before. Yesterday afternoon/evening, I found myself on the precipice of the cliff, leaning over and I managed to pull myself back in in time to limit the damage.
Roughly translated: I came closer to a binge than I've been since May and I think I managed to avert it. Although, I did shed a couple of tears over having come so close, I got through the fear and guilt and managed to feel pretty darn triumphant in the end.
DH asked what I did differently that made me so vulnerable and what I can do differently next time (yes, he is awesome and supportive). He made me take the emotions away from the situation and helped me to be more analytical and proactive going forward rather than letting the guilt fuel the fire and create more risk. I think that in the past, this is something I've been missing. (that, and the person who can actually take the cookie jar away from me and hide it at the most pivotal time). He, thankfullly, was there to do both when I asked for the help and totally understood and respected what I needed him to do.
Once I did examine what happened, in contrast to how I have been successfully avoiding a binge over the last 2 months or more, I was able to pin-point exactly how I had set myself up and it was a combination of emotional factors as well as how and what I had eaten throughout the day.
So, although I did manage to limit the damage (half of a small bag of Smart Food popcorn and 2 chocolate chip cookies), I know that had DH not been there when I needed more strength, I probably would have finished off the cookies and fell into a full-on binge, so I know that I will not allow myself to go without adequate nutrition for breakfast, lunch and snacks again, especially when I have any other stressors weighing on me. I didn't have adequate portions of protein and complex carbs and just simply ate too few calories before my most vulnerable time of day - after work.
Packing lots of healthy foods today. I KNEW this was so crutial, but now I can see that I just can't EVER go into a day unprepared. Anything can happen and I'll be ready from now on!!