I AM SCARED AND PANICKED -SEND PRAYERS PLEASE
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Well today was kind of expected but not the way it all came down. i go to the RA and Fibro specialist - i have been noticing a lot of changes happening with me. even though i had pain, i could walk it out, stretch and get along.
now i am afraid to walk without a cane, i think i am going to be in orthopedic shoes. but my hip flexors, the entire hip etc is really not good.
i knew i would hear those dreaded embarrassing words - you need to lose at least 80 (not so long ago it was 50) pounds and probably will have to have replacement.
i want to adhere to the weight loss, but i do not want the replacement. i do not want to be hacked up . i have friends who have been 'RECALLED' cause the parts have failed..
i am scared silly!!
i just want to lose this weight so badly - the pain is constant- day and night - and my ANTI (anti inflammatory) does not do all that much. i am not a pill popper but i believe in naturopathic remedies - i take vitamins, and make protein shakes with lots of good stuff in them.
anyway- the tears just started to flow in the docs office and i know he was trying to be nice to me- but he said 'you should be happy these things are available now'
THAT DID NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
i am trying to keep optimism alive in my heart - but panic and bleak outlook are right in there .
i prayed on it for so long - the weight issue, the arthritis issue, the wellness issue which i feel i really have made an effort over these past 40 years = i really don't treat my body badly - but i guess the fact that i am overweight contradicts me there. how can i be so fat when i eat like a bird - both in quantity and in good choices????
i am embarrassed beyond belief to be poked and prodded - my first instinct is to just stay home - my follow up appt is in 60 days - i am not sure if i will just cancel it and go on my own from here.
so - please pray with me here - i need to have some guidance - i am humiliated and mortified and feel like i failed myself badly. how did 50 grow to 80 pounds - something is really getting by me -
anyone got anymore tissues??? i am angry too - at myself for allowing all the stresses and the cortisol to build up inside of me. this is such a let down.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
1536 days ago
First, we all know how we gain weight and we all know how to lose it. Don't beat yourself up, take control and literally move on.
I had my left hip replaced (total hip replacement) when I was only 43 years old. That was 9 years ago. I was in horrible pain before I had the surgery (bone rubbing on bone - bone spurs) and can't get over, still to this day, how much better I felt/feel after the replacement. I power walk, climb bleachers, use an elliptical and lift weights. ALL surgery is scary; I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared about it But I had it done and am so thankful that I did. My husband also had to have a total hip replacement done and, although he was anxious about it, seeing how well I do with my fake hip alleviated a lot of his stress.
I'll gladly talk to you more about it if you'd like. Here's one word of advice..... PLEASE keep in mind that ALL info on the internet is very subjective. Try to stay away from all the negative, frightening stories of recalls, etc. There are more success stories out there than there are nightmare scenarios - it's human nature to complain more than compliment a situation so, of course, there will be more negativity than positivity.
1537 days ago
I've had a total hip replacement, and was so thankful I finally made the decision to do it! It took me almost 5 years to get to that point, but little did i know that my fear was buried deep in my subconscious. I am not "hacked up, although I felt that I didn't want to be cut into either. I did a lot of reading on positive thinking, read whatever I could find on the subject, prayed, and did lots of aquatic therapy to preserve what minimal range of motion and flexibility I had- less than 10 degrees of motion in any direction. I got many, many opinions, and searched until I found a doctor I felt comfortable with. Even though I was still fearful, I made the appointment for the surgery date. That morning as I was getting dressed, I didn't even know if I could have the courage to go through with it. But I did, and I am so very glad I did! So as you see, I know your fear. But know that before surgery each day was no better or worse than the one before. After the surgery each day was better and less painful than the day before. It's been 10 years now, and I'm still pain free and strong. I play racquetball once a week, swim, and exercise. I gained my quality of life back. My family suffered and sacrificed so much of what they wanted to do for me, and that's something we can never regain. They don't hold it against me because they were totally supportive, but we could have done so much more as a family if not for my limitations. that was probably the deciding factor for me - the quality of life issue.
There are many on here who have had at least one, and some multiple joint replacements. Tublady has had knees done,Qtealady20031 has had knees done, and most recently KathyJo56 just a couple of months ago - these are just a few of my Spark Friends that readily come to mind as having joint replacments done within the last year.
As for now, I do have some advice. I would recommend getting into the water as often as you can. Deep tissue massage helped alot too. Relaxation and bio-feedback were helpful to deal with pain management. I also went to a osteopath that specialized in chronic pain management.
I can't alleviate your fear, or help you get to the point of making that important decision, but I do hope that what I've written here speaks to your heart in some way.
Feel free to mail me if you have any questions, or concerns. . .
1537 days ago
Comment edited on: 8/8/2012 11:04:52 PM
I agree talk to the surgeon first . And good luck may God help you and send you comfort in your distress.
1537 days ago
1537 days ago
and what if you lose this weight and it still hurts??? what then?? there are some things that surgery can help a lot and others where it doesn't at all as i was a medical person in the or 30 years ago i can tell you this they have hip replacemetn patients up and walking the next day yeah it hurts a little but the more you use it after surgery the faster the healing is and you can continue dieting in rehab as that is where most people go after only a few days in the hospital it's amzing how fast things heal nowdays..i think you ought to start logging your food and weighing and measuring every last thing that goes in your mouth keep that log here and you can print it out for the doc the next time you go in..and you must my friend as he will see how hard you are trying and DRINK THE WATER..it is good beyond belief for the body and be nice to your hips if nothing else don't stress them so much at this stage at 378 pounds i spent almost a year doing chair exercises (yep they have those here at spark also..it will give your hip enough time to destress some and while you are losing those pounds make it easier for you in the beginning we are always here for you i lost 273 pounds and i stay here and log and do my business daily and i maintained now for 4 years the spark people learn how to be healthy and you can be healthy with new hips do all this print it out and see that doc again ans show him what you are doing..make sure you are eating enough as was said because if you don't you won't lose that weight..my diabetes doc recommended this place and for the first time in my life i have no problem with weight and i am not dietiing..EVERYTHING IN MODERATION FOR SURE
stick around come in daily and whine all you want and tell us of your successes no matter how small they are everything counts
the lady mary
1537 days ago
I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I don't. What I will say is do NOT cancel your appointment. Talk to your about how afraid you are. I know folks that have had the surgery and wish they hadn't waited so long to get it done. I will also keep you in my prayers.
1537 days ago
It is possible that you are not eating enough which will cause weight gain. I know that I have a problem with this due to many dietary restrictions...but I do the best I can every day. That is all I can do. I know that I am much healthier than I was when I joined SP. When I was having my pre-operative testing on Monday, the neurosurgeon said I was the healthiest patient he has seen...imagine that. I will be having brain surgery on August 17 and can understand part of what you are going through. I have placed my trust in the Lord and my doctor and know that all will be well.
When you are well informed it is easier to make the right decision just for you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
1537 days ago
I am a double hip replacement receiver, they were two years apart, and I can tell you that you need not be afraid of the surgery. I have had no trouble with my hips and not being in as much pain as I was is wonderful! You can find out what prosthesis the doctor will use and thoroughly check it out beforehand. I am not all hacked up either. My doctor did a wonderful job and my recovery time was minimal, one week of therapy for the second hip. Maybe these things that I am saying will not make you feel any better, either. I don't understand why you would be embarassed, having arthritis is not something that you have any control over. I am sending prayer for you. I do hope that you seek the knowledge that you might make a more informed decision. Best wishes and good luck to you!
1537 days ago
You are certainly going through a difficult time that can bring about many emotions. The first thing I'd like to say is don't be angry at yourself. I know we are all responsible for our weight and that many things play into why we gain weight, but you are here and you are trying to make changes to get yourself healthier, so be a little patient with yourself and look at today as a new day and a new start. You asked yourself why have you gained weight when you "eat like a bird?" Perhaps that is the problem, maybe you do not eat enough, or enough of what it is your body needs. My suggestion with regards to that would be to talk with a dietitian and see what is being missed with regards to your diet and weight gain/loss.
I know surgery is scary, I've had a couple surgeries myself and I know exactly how you are feeling. But as scary as they were and as difficult as the recovery was, I would go through them again because they were necessary and in the end, made things better. I have a friend that has recently had hip replacement surgery, he was in incredible pain every minute of every day, which it sounds like you are dealing with, his comment to me about the pain was "as soon as I woke up from the surgery the pain was better." And that was right after surgery, today he's so much happier, much more active, he is so grateful to have been able to have the surgery.
You are in my thoughts and prayers as you face this difficult time. I hope that answers and comfort come your way soon.
1537 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.