When a "bad" day is really a "good" day....
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Okay, so I was "bad" yesterday. I ate too much, I didn't exercise. But it was still a "good" day in my book and I'll tell you why, but it's a bit of a long story.
My fiance and I both have health problems (besides my weight) which I've talked about to some extent, but I don't think I've ever really gotten into some of the details of his problems. I'm not going to now either, that would make a long story even longer, but by comparison, I'm lucky to "just" have Fibromyalgia - that's only one of the things wrong with him. Bottom line is that several years ago, before we met, he was put on Tramadol as a supposedly "safe" alternative for long term pain management. Not so - and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they're wrong. Tramadol is a synthetic opiate and like others of that kind not only becomes less effective the longer you take it, it also creates a dependency. His doctor - refusing to acknowledge being wrong - kept denying this factor and would do nothing to help transition him to something better for pain management and just kept him on the Tramadol. So he's spent the last several years, on his doctor's advice, taking a medication that didn't really do anything to help him feel better, but that he couldn't stop taking without getting sick. Then, within the last year, he got a new doctor. An amazing doctor, the likes of which I never expected to find in a community clinic for the uninsured. With her help, we were able to afford to put him on Lyrica - an amazing drug for his pain - and work on getting him off of the Tramadol. It took months to taper him down slowly, but finally, about a month ago, he took his last dose. After about another week, the opiate withdrawal symptoms had started to improve but we discovered another insidious problem with Tramadol. Apparently it also has anti-depressant properties and finally stopping set off something called "SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome", even though he was already on a separate antidepressant. So the last month has been like living with an unmedicated bipolar patient as we've waited for his brain chemistry to level back out. I have not been having a good time of things. My nerves have been wearing thin. I've felt ignored as he's thrown himself into video games for hours to distract himself. I've felt like I'm walking on eggshells trying not to upset him. But I love him dearly and knowing that we would get through this and that I would have my wonderful man back has been keeping me going. It's been rocky, but we've held it together.
So, when I came home last night and he was NOT on the computer and he was happy and "feeling better" and all he wanted to do was order Pizza Hut and watch movies with me what could I say. It was not the time to say "I can't eat that, I'm on a diet". It was not the time for "I don't have time, it's already 7pm and I still need to work out tonight". It was time to settle into the couch and enjoy the time together that I've been missing so much lately. This journey to health and wellness is important, but sometimes other things are even more important. A night of pizza and laziness is not going to ruin everything, but a moment like that missed is lost forever.