Taming the monster
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
So my last blog was all sorts of random thoughts jotted down. This one may be a little more focused (I hope)
So after the tournament, I had always been telling myself I'd give myself a break for a week. First night I got jappanese grill take out on the way home from the tounrey with the guys. I ate the whole freaking thing. It was awesome. Must have been 4 servings at least. Then on my way back to my apartment, I spontaneously stopped at the McDonald's drive through and got an ice cream.
Those were the things I wanted to do, but at home, the monster inside me woke up. I was stuffed and content, but wanted more. I ate the rest of the trail mix/granola/cliff bars I had brought to eat at the competition. All of it. That kind of high fiber food is what I crave for some reason, and it always leaves me feeling horribly uncomfortable.
Ok, whatever, bad night, but I still had the endorphin rush going and was celebrating so that was my excuse. Next morning I had a nice big breakfast burrito with sausage! Then I let myself have a cinnamon roll after church. Again, these are the things I wanted to be able to do. Then went to a burger joint with the roommate and I got a bacon burger with fries and chili sauce.
This wasn't even the problem. The problem was that once again, later in the evening, I wanted as much quanity of food as I could. I was still in lax mode so I didn't stop myself, but it turned into me eating every piece of chocolate my mom sent, and eating half my roomate's ice cream (I'm sorry, I bought you more). Plus I was even frustrated I didn't have any granola left, even tho I knew it left me feeling horrible the day before because it was so calorie and fiber dense.
So now, the week long break is off. I ate a week's worth of food in two days. But being 5 weeks out from my next tournament, I don't need to eat perfectly clean I realized, just responsible. I'm going to use this time to master this beast inside me.
I bought single servings of ben & Jerry's ice cream :), individually wrapped dark chocolate squares, and some toffee things that had a nice crunch to them. I can't give in to my bland carb/high fiber cravings becuase I can't stop once I start. But maybe I can give in other places.
It was like I had a lightbulb moment thinking about it, "Whatever I don't eat now, I can eat later." That was part of the reason I nomed half a gallon of trail mix and granola Saturday. Those things don't fit (well) into my responsible days so might as well get rid of it now. But why can't it? Those single servings of ice cream; I'm planning on just eating half and putting it back in the freazer. Then I can have another desert two days from now and enjoy it just as much. I'm not a big fan of dark chocalate (love milk) so that should slow me down with those, and ONE square is only 30 calories. I don't have to eat the whole 5 square serving.
I think this is something I need to learn to control, to ever be able to keep this weigh off without the strict motivation of an upcoming weigh in. I'll have 3 weeks here to figure it out before I have to cut out everything like that again. But eating very good every day is better than eating perfect 10 days, and then so bad one night I feel horrible, physically and mentally, for the next 2 days.