Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Hi everyone. It's been awhile since I've blogged.
Today is Tuesday August 7th 2012. This morning I weighed in at 172 pounds which is 15 pounds more than my all-time low of 157. 157 was a pretty low weight for me, I look best at 165ish so let's just say in the past 2 1/2 years I've maintained my weight loss.
Let me tell you what a struggle it has been. Maintaining is tough. The first year was just figuring out what life is again. The second year was spent filling up my life with all sorts of races including two half marathons and a 12 mile muddy, grueling obstacle course. All was awesome and SO worth it.
This last half year has been spent in honestly, misery. I've forgotten how far I've come and where I was. That 323 pound girl is long gone and won't return physically but I CAN NOT LET GO MENTALLY.
Losing more than 150 pounds has left my body battered and scarred. No matter how many weights I lift, miles I run or different foods I eat, this skin will not go back to normal. I look in the mirror in disgust and see ugly. (yeah, harsh, I know, but it's the truth). I always told myself that I would give my body and mind time to heal. Well, 2 1/2 is more than enough time for both.
Solution - Cosmetic surgery. I pondered this idea for quite some time. Looked into several different options. Spoke with several different people. I came to to the conclusion that what I need is to look on the outside how I feel on the inside. Yes, I know I said I was ugly earlier. But, I feel extremely healthy and could do anything, almost. This saggy skin and battered body has messed with my mind; stopping that voice inside me that is healthy and strong to continue on with pushing my body to the limits.
I felt for a long time that cosmetic surgery is very vain and it is. I should be happy where I am. I should be amazed and excited from where I was. That flame has extinguished unfortunately. It's affected all parts of my life and it has to stop.
Decision - On Tuesday August 14th (one week from today), I will have extensive cosmetic surgery. This surgery will have me under for at least 6 hours. I will have a tummy tuck with some lipo to my flanks for contouring, breast lift with an augmentation.
I COULDN'T BE MORE EXCITED AND HAPPY.
That healthy and empowering voice is back cheering me on for what will be after recovery. My flame has been ignited and it's a burning inferno.