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LADYRINO
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 76,063
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Disappointment and determination

Monday, August 06, 2012

Saturday was half marathon #9 in 9 months - and my first did not finish. It was hot and I started showing signs of heat exhaustion at mile 7. I was on a personal best pace but with no shade, my weight, temp of approimately 83 degrees - the heat got the best of me. It is still a hard pill to swallow. I know I did the right thing but that does not take away the sting of a did not finish. So I started looking for other races in my general area that would have a cooler temperature and allow me to finish. I readily admit I am a very slow runner. But I am getting better and am under 4 hours. As I scouted the races my heart sank. Nearly all in the region, even the women friendly ones, are 3.5 hours or less time limits and many at 3 hours. My very best race time just a few weeks ago is not fast enough. Last night I seriously cried . Even with all I have done it is still not enough. It is not about beating my sister's half marathon count each year - this is literally about my sanity. I pour all my hurts, regrets, anger, etc into every step I take. Finding last night on many races I was not fast enough was a replay of all my old hurts from childhood where I felt that I was not enough. This morning I tried to revive the treadmill – after 2 minutes at a 16 minutes mile the belt stopped moving. It is offically dead. Fine – I will go outside and run – ipod is dead. Fined I will use my phone. Suddenly all the music I have moved to it I can find but wont play. I don’t care. I will go in the silence. I head out and then my Garmin says the battery is low and dies. I DON’T CARE. I run my 1.5 miles (to the mailbox and back to the house) – I have no idea how long I took or my pace. I have a ballpark idea as my husband called me while I was outside. I stopped after just one loop from the house to the mailbox and back as thunder is rolling up from the south and I don’t want to end up in a dangerous spot. Each of these things could have been a reason to stop. Each of these things could have been a reason to not even start. But you see I am in a fight for my life – and for that each of these things was a reason to go on.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v MSEMBERSTORM
    Heck yes! That was awesome. You totally fought all the hurdles and won. Keep it up!
    1343 days ago
  • v EDUCGRAD
    You are doing awesome.I was supposed to do a 5k on Father's Day and was unable to as they changed the date and it was a scheduling conflict. for me.I haven't even looked for another one yet,but have been meaning to you.You rock emoticon
    1380 days ago
  • v TRYSCHE13
    You are doing the incredible!!! I hope to have your determination one day. Enter those races, forget the time limit. Do the best you can, you may surprise yourself! From reading your story and your blog, I know that preservance is the key to getting healthy and happy. Thank you for sharing your story, and showing that even in the darkest hour, there is always a glimmer of light.
    1386 days ago
  • v BECKYANNE1
    emoticon I'm not a fast runner either. I have noticed that the last couple of days with the cooler temps., my time has been much better. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You will get there. I know there are alot of frustrations, but there is also the fact that you are a runner. That is something to be very proud of. Plus you are not giving up. emoticon
    1388 days ago
  • v TRAVELISMYGAME
    I'm very proud that you made the decision to stop when you did. Being in the hospital suffering from heat exhaustion is not a very good option. The races that you were looking at, the ones with the 3 -3.5 hour limit, are they in areas that you could just move over to the sidewalk and continue on? How far off are those races? I would be willing to bet that once the temps cool off a bit, you'll be more energized and find that you have a faster time. - Just my opinion though. ;)

    emoticon - you can do it!

    Tiffany
    10k Leader
    1388 days ago
  • v MOMFAN
    Hugs an WooHoo!

    I am so proud of you!

    You over came obstacles! That is a true champion and you listened to your body. You just tell those voices to hush up!!
    1388 days ago
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