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Boo Hoo!

Monday, August 06, 2012

Uggghh!! Another week gone by and I haven't managed to keep myself motivated for more than a day and continue to let my thoughts get in the way. So this is it...my official boo hoo! moment.

I have always struggled with my weight, even when I was a child. Take it off, put it on seems to be a way of life for me. But now I am really concerned... it is not just my weight but everything. It started about 4 years ago with a multitude of life events but culminated in my husband loosing his job and having to move from a community that I had lived in for 25 years. My life which was wrapped up in a neat little box was in a shambles.

The stress of moving, finding a new home and new job was a lot, so when I first moved into the new home I didn't overwhelm myself with having to have everything done. But it seems to have carried over into everything. I don't want to clean, wash, grocery shop, organize or do much of anything. I force myself to get out of bed in the morning and then just mull around when I have free time... thinking about all the things I need to do instead of getting them done. I never really feel great and sometimes even think that I need food to give me energy (which only lasts for a very short while). I end every evening thinking tomorrow I will do..... and wake up in the morning with the same attitude. Problem is it very quickly goes away and I am back to the same old same old.

Since moving to my new home and life I have gained 40 pounds emoticon and I can't seem to get back in control. It was just a few short weeks ago that I listed steps to get to where I wanted to be and aside from posting the motto all over I haven't gotten any further.

Yes, yes, yes I know this sounds like depression and part of it is. But really!! come on already, I already take medication for that! I know I am lonely in my new environment. It just doesn't seem to be the place for me and I am not quite sure how to change that. I know being an empty nester probably has something to do with all of it... after running your life around your kids for 20 years its hard to think of yourself first (although I don't know why). I am a special education teacher and love what I do, but hate all of the organizational paperwork and crap that seems to just keep getting piled on and then for whatever reason believe I have to keep proving myself. And my list can go on and on. Bottom line is I am afraid... if I keep on like this I will just fall into a hole (sometimes I think no one will even notice).

So now that I have gotten that off my chest, how do I move on. I am not 100% sure but I know for today I am going to go out into that messy garage and get it done once and for all. I like to ride my bicycle but have had difficulty getting up the hills in my new environment. Another member suggested that I just take the bike and ride up the hill out of my development (which I can't do) several times a day (using my granny gears, which I looked up and means the easiest gear I have) so I am going to try that as well. Maybe I'll even take the load of wash out of the washer I did last night emoticon.

At least a few steps in the right direction!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It saddens me to hear what you're experiencing...mostly because I know it all too well. I'm glad that you're getting treatment and sometimes that's all there is. I can't imagine going through depression while dealing with a new empty nest though. When my younger one left, I felt like a marble in a shoebox.

    Do what you can do, maybe just one thing a day, and know it as progress. This is a good venue (and a safe one) to share where you are, and we Sparkers are here for you. Change can be many things for/to us. It can shake us to the core but, in the long run, can become a safe haven. Be where you are--guilt free.

    1927 days ago
    I know exactly what you are talking about. I was there not too long ago. Unfortunately for me, I was in that "funk" for over 2 years and I got to the place where I couldn't leave the house due to anxiety/panic attacks. SP has really changed all that for me. I could certainly stay where I was but I chose to turn things around. Check out my blog called (I DID IT). Don't focus on the not so great things. Focus on the positives. Maybe the only positive you have for today is that you go out of bed! Well that is a positive! Now build on it. We would all like to think that things will get easier but really what it needed is determination to get the job done. We have to take the steps necessary no matter how big or small to move closer to our goals. Get involved in SP if you haven't much lately. There are people here who will cheer you on and will even talk you down from a bag of Doritos!! If you need a kick in the butt, there are people here who can help with that too. My life has changed by leaps and bounds since I found SP and I have only lost 22 pounds but I am out of my house and I can talk to my family on the phone. I couldn't do that a few months ago.

    If I can be of any help (butt kicking, talk down from the Doritos, or even a shoulder to cry on) let me know. We are in this together!!!

    emoticon emoticon

    1958 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    I am currently writing a blog to post later this week on willpower. One of the things I've learned through the research for this is that our willpower is a type of energy and it gets depleted - just like our physical energy.

    Also to increase your willpower, try not to do too many things at once. I have found that when I try to do to much, it all goes to "h*ll in a hand basket"! Baby steps really do work - just like when we were learning to walk.

    I'm in agreement too about your meds for depression. You should fill your doctor in. Maybe they need an adjustment or change . . .

    1958 days ago
    You have faced losses & challenges so it is understandable that you are depressed, overwhelmed & frustrated. Juts because you are on meds for depression doesn't mean they are working. You should let your doctor know how you are feeling. Maybe an adjustment of your meds or a different med would give you better results. In the meantime, take small steps and know that youir Spark friends are here when you need to vent. emoticon Dee emoticon
    1959 days ago
    Take it step by baby step. May I suggest, flylady.net. The system is amazing. If you can't do anything else, just clean your sink to start. She has a great blog today about taking small steps. And that garage, only 15 minutes a day. A 10 minute walk and you'll have done some things today! And you know to take time for you, right.
    Glad you got it off your chest. You've been through a lot. This darn recession! emoticon
    1959 days ago
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