Vacation was good for me
Sunday, August 05, 2012
I exercised a lot, and I tried to eat mostly healthy food (there was a night when people wanted pizza and calzones, so I indulged too, plus there was always lots of dessert around) while also eating enough calories to help me gain weight...
But most importantly, I think I made a lot of good mental progress. There was some crying a few nights, and some stressing over food and exercise and a day that I couldn't do any cardio at all...but I think it was all good for me. I saw lots of families on the beach, playing with their kids and babies. And I WANT one of those as soon as possible. Therefore, it doesn't matter how much I like my muscular, defined, slender body right now. I need to put weight on for babies. I knew that before, of course, but I think it sunk in a lot better while we were off on vacation and surrounded by families. The new mantra is "gain weight fast!" Because dammit, I want to be able to get pregnant. I want a baby. ASAP!
So I will continue eating 2800+ calories every day and see what happens. I will try to relax a bit on cardio. I will gain weight and it will be good for me!
I mean, besides wanting a baby, I technically need to gain body fat to get my hormones back in balance for my own health - my current super-low estrogen is not healthy. Low estrogen = irreversible bone damage.
So anyways, of course I knew all this already. But it's going down easier after having spent a week on vacation, talking through everything REPEATEDLY with my poor dear husband. I am feeling better about and more accepting of the idea of gaining weight, much as I enjoy my current physical appearance.
I did actually take my bathroom scale along and monitor my weight every day, and I didn't really seem to gain much until the very end (after the night of pizza/calzones) and then suddenly my weight jumped like 3 or 4 pounds. And it's still up there. So I don't know what that's about, but we'll see if it sticks or not. I hope at least a pound or two is real weight gain. (It would worry me if ALL of that is real weight gain as opposed to water weight...I hope it's not really that easy to gain weight back!)
Bring on the fat, bring on the babies!