Sunday, August 05, 2012
Complacent - satisfied to a fault and unconcerned.... Yep, that's about right!
I read a blog this morning where the author was talking about backsliding and a friend of hers suggested she take a good look as to WHY. I've been trying to figure this out for weeks. I don't see it as backsliding, simply because I've also been going forward. I've been losing and gaining the same weight for months. When this happened about a year ago, it was truly frustrating. I was angry and upset and was constantly trying to figure out how to "fix it." This time, not so much... COMPLACENT.
It's not a plateau, because if I did what I'm supposed to do, and do it 100%, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be "stuck." The thing is, I'm not doing a whole hell of a lot to get myself unstuck... COMPLACENT
I *think* I should be upset, but I'm really not... COMPLACENT
I saw some relatives that I haven't seen in almost 2 years. They know I've been losing weight, but they had no idea how much. Of course, they were all shocked and amazed. "Surely you don't want to lose more", "Aren't you happy?", "WHY do you think you need to lose more?", "Oh, you want to be super skinny don't you?" And from the nurse "How far are you from a healthy BMI? You want to get there don't you?"
This isn't the first time these things have been asked by other family members, co-workers and acquaintances. They've been said a lot more recently which is why I think I've become... COMPLACENT
YES, I am EXTREMELY happy... with everything! I've never been this small and healthy. My whole life has changed. I'm able to do things I could never do before, my husband beams with pride and I'm pretty sure my kids are super excited about all of these new activities and are proud to say I'm their mom.
NO, I don't want to be "super skinny" and having a healthy BMI isn't even a thought in my head... it never was.
As for WANTING to lose more and THINKING I need to lose more... well, that's where it gets fuzzy. The answer to that is... Yes, I'm pretty sure, I think, probably... not as easy to answer as I think it should be...COMPLACENT
I don't know, maybe I'm just tired of doing this every day. YES, I know this is a lifestyle, but I'd hope at some point, I'd be able to just eat and exercise without calculating and logging and just being exhausted and frustrated with the whole thing. We ALL know it's not as easy as calories in vs calories out.
I think the biggest factor in my complacency, is the fact that this has been the first summer EVER that I've actually LIVED my life. Water parks, hiking, camping, biking, 5k's, climbing over rocks, and lots of other activities. Along with those activities was a lot of unplanned food. I know I could have logged everything or packed food to take with us everywhere, but I'm trying to LIVE MY LIFE. I was kind of careful, but I never turned down an ice cream cone. I should have had only one s'more instead of 2, or had a salad with the burger instead of fries. I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment this summer, and I still have a little left.
Yes, I really do want to lose the rest of this weight and get to my goal. Yes, I should get back on program and stop being so wishy washy about the whole thing. Maybe I need to stop setting weight goals, and just know that I'll get there when I get there. I think that right now, living life has been more important than the number on the scale, shocking right?
I will NOT be letting the weight pile back on, I had that wake up call a few weeks ago. I'm just not as concerned with it flying off either... complacent... maybe.... to a fault.