Things that go bump in the night
Sunday, August 05, 2012
A couple of nights ago, I was on my way to bed, when I encountered my small cat, Percy. He was sitting on his cushion on a wooden bentwood chair in the hall, yowling loudly as it rocked backwards and forwards, shaken by an unseen hand. My hair started to stand on end then I realised it was simply balanced on an uneven bit of floor, and he was doing the wobbling himself. I put out a hand to steady the chair and it stopped.
Amazing how your imagination can run riot when faced with a hysterical feline in the middle of the night, isn't it? Natural causes, I refuse to countenance any other possibility.
Talking of hysterical cats, my large cat, Charlie (pictured) has been upchucking a lot recently. This in itself doesn't bother me, but he's been doing it indoors, which does. This morning he started retching and found himself out in the garden before he had time to realise his paws were no longer on the ground. I suspect furballs. He's saying nothing.
So this afternoon I got out the grooming comb and corraled him in the sitting-room. The minute I shut the door, he smelled a rat. I picked him up and he howled with rage. I sat him on my lap and wrapped one arm round his back end to stop him reversing, the other round the front to stop him going forwards. With my third hand, I started combing.
If you live with cats, you'll be familiar with this sort of thing. If you don't, consider yourself fortunate. I started gently going through the fur, and the fur started flying. So did the feline bad language. I didn't catch all of it but the gist was:
'Put me down. Now!'
'Who do you think you are?'
'Get off my bottom.'
'Don't touch my TAIL'
'I know it doesn't hurt but your neighbours won't call the RSPCA unless I yell good and loud. Help! HELP. H E L P!!! Murder! Assault! Mad cat woman attack!!!
'Just you wait till I get a paw free. I'll take your face off. You'll be in hospital with multiple lacerations.'
'Let me GO!'
You get the picture. Within 10 minutes I had removed fluff the size of a cricket ball and expended about 200 calories in the struggle. Charlie eventually propelled himself skywards using all four paws simultaneously. He was last seen on the back patio wearing an injured expression but looking much sleeker
I would like to spend half an hour grooming each cat but my nerves won't take it. I still have to catch the other one, he of the wobbly chair, who must by now realise there's summat up. He's out in the garden and I haven't seen him since 7am.
It's such fun, living with cats.