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Sunday, August 05, 2012

If we call it a backslide when we gain, do we call it a frontslide when we start heading the right direction again? Or just a slide? Anyway...Wheee!

I have had a struggle for the last 2 months gaining and losing up and down a couple of pounds; down a pound, up as many as 6 pounds...which scared me. I CANNOT allow myself to go backwards. The good news is I am heading down the slide again and am within 2 pounds of the low weight which I reached back in May.

One of my Spark Friends recommended that I think about why I have been experiencing the backslide and another Spark Friend advised journaling about here it is:

I am ending the worst work year of my life and saying goodbye to the people and accomplishments from over 20 years. My new boss treated me as though I had been doing poor quality work all that time...which doesn't make sense for our organization...but it still hurts to be treated that way. I am relieved to be getting out of that situation; but also grieving the loss of a job and a workplace that I loved and was proud to lead. The demands of this change have kept me from my daily walks which are a critical part of my exercise plan. I have experienced sadness and difficulty sleeping which interfered with my morning workouts.

Last month I had a 9 day vacation with family but spent most of the time driving, supporting my sibling through a divorce and helping my parents due to their increasing fragility. It was not a relaxing time and I had difficulty staying within my calorie limits.

I lost one of my closest friends due to a work issue. I am dealing with the fact that another group of friends has excluded me from their activities...but I don't know why...I just feel hurt. It might be because I don't drink alcohol they way they do.

I was in a major auto accident a week ago which was my fault and I feel terrible. I thank my guardian angels that no one was injured...but my car was "totaled". So now I am fretting about the fiscal impact.

I have been drinking wine in the evening once or twice a week over the last 4-6 weeks...and I exceed my calorie limit every time I drink alcohol.

Lastly, I have been struggling with body image. I look at myself in the mirror and cannot imagine what I will look like at goal weight. I see sagging breasts and arms, lines on my face that weren't there before and wonder if greater weight loss will negatively affect my overall appearance.

So what am I doing about it? I asked to be transferred to a different department with a different supervisor. I have recognized that I am in a grieving process over the job and relationships I am leaving. I have given priority to my exercise plan again so that I get up and do a short workout before I leave in the morning and I have been able to walk several times this week. I have been reading Spark articles on motivation.

Now I need to limit the intake of alcohol and I need to focus on friends who can socialize without alcohol.

I need to use exercise as my relaxation method.

And I need to reach out to my Spark Friends for support.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    GOOD FOR YOU for asking "What am I going to do about it?". It sounds like there are a LOT of positive things you're looking to do for yourself. Even though you are leaving a job and relationships behind, you can take with you the knowledge of the impact you had over the past 20 years and how you'll contribute in your new role. Know that we're here to support you as you begin your new adventure!
    2054 days ago
    Those are awesome solutions to real problems. I feel that you can make the changes and those changes will lead to new and better things. Just don't give up or give in and you will be great!!!!

    2054 days ago

    A very good job of looking back with a level head and considering actions and consequences. Even better of making a "battle plan" to turn things around knowing the things that need to be left behind and the things that need to be worked for.

    2054 days ago
    Congrats on moving in the right direction! I've been struggling a lot lately too, and I think your friends advice of reflection would be a great way to figure out why. I'm so sorry that you're trying to work thru all of this, but I'm sure you'll be better for it when you come thru it.
    2054 days ago
  • RFJSJ50
    My heart goes out to you as you deal with these life changes. I know that my last year of working was the worst year of my life due to administrative changes in the school district. I spent that year on medication for depression and would sit in the parking lot and cry before going in to teach. Those feelings and experiences affected EVERY area of my life. One thing that has helped me is finally accepting that I am NOT THE CAUSE of a lot of what happened - the problems belonged to someone else and I just caught the flack.

    There is hope - leaving that situation gave me an entirely new outlook and I gradually became more positive and again started to "like myself." That will come for you in time - just take each day as it comes, try not to dwell too much on the negatives (easier said than done) and look for the positives.
    I have discovered that that period of my life has made it easier for me to be aware of my feelings and how they are affecting my daily life - I now recognize when I'm becoming overwhelmed and work to relieve that.

    Remember - we are here for you!
    Sheila emoticon emoticon
    2054 days ago
    Mel, congratulations on realizing why you are gaining weight and doing something about it. It's hard to leave your "work" family, but sometimes you have to drop family members that bring you down. I worked for the same company for almost 38 years and I loved the group I worked with in Syracuse, NY, but transfered Col. OH in 1996. As an experienced manager, I worked with the "entitled" youth of today. When one of those kids pushed me out of my job, I took jobs below me. I waited out my time in different depts until finally I became a project manager. I loved the work I was doing up until the last 5-6 months. At that point, I said bye to the stress, anxiety and pressure. I am now retired going on 2 years next month and couldn't be happier. I have not pursued a new job and I watch my GS during the school year. I hope you have taken any opportunties the company has to benefit your pension, such as a 401K. That is the reason I was able to retire at 56, financially able to handle the lost income. Well, I'm going to let you go before I become more preachy. Pat
    2054 days ago
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