If we call it a backslide when we gain, do we call it a frontslide when we start heading the right direction again? Or just a slide? Anyway...Wheee!

I have had a struggle for the last 2 months gaining and losing up and down a couple of pounds; down a pound, up as many as 6 pounds...which scared me. I CANNOT allow myself to go backwards. The good news is I am heading down the slide again and am within 2 pounds of the low weight which I reached back in May.

One of my Spark Friends recommended that I think about why I have been experiencing the backslide and another Spark Friend advised journaling about it....so here it is:

I am ending the worst work year of my life and saying goodbye to the people and accomplishments from over 20 years. My new boss treated me as though I had been doing poor quality work all that time...which doesn't make sense for our organization...but it still hurts to be treated that way. I am relieved to be getting out of that situation; but also grieving the loss of a job and a workplace that I loved and was proud to lead. The demands of this change have kept me from my daily walks which are a critical part of my exercise plan. I have experienced sadness and difficulty sleeping which interfered with my morning workouts.

Last month I had a 9 day vacation with family but spent most of the time driving, supporting my sibling through a divorce and helping my parents due to their increasing fragility. It was not a relaxing time and I had difficulty staying within my calorie limits.

I lost one of my closest friends due to a work issue. I am dealing with the fact that another group of friends has excluded me from their activities...but I don't know why...I just feel hurt. It might be because I don't drink alcohol they way they do.

I was in a major auto accident a week ago which was my fault and I feel terrible. I thank my guardian angels that no one was injured...but my car was "totaled". So now I am fretting about the fiscal impact.

I have been drinking wine in the evening once or twice a week over the last 4-6 weeks...and I exceed my calorie limit every time I drink alcohol.

Lastly, I have been struggling with body image. I look at myself in the mirror and cannot imagine what I will look like at goal weight. I see sagging breasts and arms, lines on my face that weren't there before and wonder if greater weight loss will negatively affect my overall appearance.

So what am I doing about it? I asked to be transferred to a different department with a different supervisor. I have recognized that I am in a grieving process over the job and relationships I am leaving. I have given priority to my exercise plan again so that I get up and do a short workout before I leave in the morning and I have been able to walk several times this week. I have been reading Spark articles on motivation.

Now I need to limit the intake of alcohol and I need to focus on friends who can socialize without alcohol.

I need to use exercise as my relaxation method.

And I need to reach out to my Spark Friends for support.