I am back - Disappointed in myself but change happens by doing it, so...
Saturday, August 04, 2012
After almost one and a half years I am back on SPARKPEOPLE.com. I fell off the wagon completely but I've grown on the inside.
Some things have changed, some things are still the same...
The +++++ ones (general stuff):
I still have my wonderful and supporting boyfriend - more than 2 years now, employment that keeps me most of the time fed and always under a roof, there are plans of my bf to buy a house and us to live together, I am doing an education (adult educationst SVEB level 1 - national degree in Switzerland)
Exercise: I walk (not enough but every weekend I am on my feet), I occasionally hike.
The - - - - - - ones (general stuff)
I can't comfortably live of my job (still below the existential minimum but living in an expensive country, no extras, no savings), I still have a huge amount of debts, I am anxious about my professional future
Exercise: I had had a surge in weight and built (can you say that in English?) body wise. I got round around the middle (belly, hips, butt) - lots of my clothing don't fit me anymore. I am NOT heavy or anything by average population standard but I am Indian and used to weigh around 42-44 kilos and I was 52 at my heaviest. That's a LOT more. Most of all I am out of shape, tired, a bit depressed because I feel uncomfortable in my skin
The holiday season and winter kicked me off the wagon concerning the food and while I could eat a lot and not gain much in the past (as long as I walked a bit) that's definetely not working anymore!
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: I MISS EXERCISING. I miss my old physique, and as work is getting less again and anxiety gets more I remember 2010: 4 weeks before I met my bf I had almost no work anymore and went nearly mad with worry, so to take my mind off things I exercised. And my mental wellbeing went up A LOT
I hope to do the same. Please wish me luck!
What gives me hope:
+ I am motivated, but trying to be my No. 1 fan, not my No. 1 critic
+ I got time
+ I found exercices that I can do if I have to be quiet (neigbours at my bf), while my favourite, the "30 day shred" (Jillian Michaels) is a lot of hopping around and making loud noises, I found apps that are abs/chest/butt that only need a matt and are very quiet. Also there's Nicole's exercices... No more excuses "I am too loud"
+ I actually long for exercices, healthy food and knowing what a difference a few weeks can make I am ready to go
+ I have a clear plan when to do what, supporters (bf, friends)
+ I know it has to keep being fun (hiking, walking around with friends, occasional treat of going to the swimming pool) and I won't forbid myself treats (small dessert, occasional piece of cake or less healthier food if the occasion is like that), because if not I know I'll cave in anyway
What I am anxious about
- the winter months when I can't jogg outside (no money for a fitness centre - ok np, I can do the fitness videos), but maybe I can still try walking as much as I can
- keeping the weight after I am down to 42/44 again
- more work - less time to work out
- long term doing something, keeping me motivated, the devil called procrestination and "ah I don't feel like it" (big problem). When I am at it I am fine but after a while making myself begin the exercice or go outside is really hard!
Listing them makes me feel better... Let's try!
Today I've walked for 30 Minutes (incl. 2 minutes fast running) and did 24 minutes of fitness (app with a very hard abs/chest/butt programm). I had quite some lunch at my in-laws but wasn't very hungry at dinner. No appetite for dessert so far... ;)
I'll keep writing, it helps me!
Cheers, I've missed you all!