Wednesday, August 01, 2012
The work of summer is close to done. what I didn't do flies fast away from me. What I did do i am grateful for with some pride.
Finally I had time to walk in the mountains and remember living isn't just the human agendas around me and in me. So hiking came back just a little after years without. The wilderness here doesn't have the diversity of vegetation as in the forests of Tennessee and West Virginia. I was disappointed a while ago to feel somewhat bored while in the woods here. The new puppy in my life has changed this and hiking is exciting again - for the most part. In certain places the black biting flies are distractingly annoying with redundancy and I don't know how to enjoy switchbacks n the uphill.
school starts soon and my brain is not what it was a decade ago. There is this mushiness, forgetfulness, lackadaisical-ness. I have a fog bubble from who knows where. I am not sure how to remove it, bring back clarity, insight, "the positive agenda", and the great swell of new year verve.
Still floating and more resigned to take weight loss more slowly.
I certainly pounded my head on some walls this summer desperate to lose more weight. "Desperate" - that over the top, unhealthy, nearly bulimic state - is a hellaceous place to be. Sensible, level headed, patient, insightful, wise, cautious, and accepting with gratitude is better for a denizen simply walking the earth - an observer with a few decent contributions for a few.
So... new goals are in my side panel, As of this new August 1st, a new month, I begin again, the uphill struggle to gain some mastery over my eating, thinking, doing, and being. I probably won't succeed in all I put out there to do this go. Maybe I will though. maybe my goals are more realistic this time. I would like to be able to keep step with a progress I realize and achieve. Got to get to know myself perhaps.