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    JENNSWIMS   8,530
8,500-9,999 SparkPoints

Back On The Wagon... Err Kayak, Whatever

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Monday, July 30, 2012

So I haven't blogged for oh, about 6 months. This is not a good thing. Why? I'm now carrying more adipose tissue than I was in January. Poop. I weighed myself today and I honestly think Captain Meaniehead is lying to me, or at least I'm experiencing a temporary whale-like bloating that will resolve as the evil mother nature takes a flying leap.

So where have I been, what have I been up to, other than consuming more calories than I have burned off? Well, to summarize, grad school, job #1, job #2, divorce, eating my feelings, a new love and far less cleaning up after a grown man.

I'm also in therapy, and I've learned some amazing things about myself that, uh, I shouldn't have had to be told. Amazing things as in "if this were any more obvious it would have hit you over the head and cracked your skull" kind of you're a moron stuff. I can address that another day, it is worth sharing, even if it is Captain Obvious stuff.

Anywhoodle, I have also discovered kayaking. Now what you need to know about kayaking, first and foremost, is that if someone says to you, "this awesome kayak is a bargain for $400" you should laugh and say (with a wildly intelligent look in your eye), "what about the $140 paddle, the rack for the top of my car, the life jacket, the helmet, and the polarized sunglasses entirely for the purposes of making me look awesome while enhancing my vision?"

Ok, maybe what you should know first and foremost is not the obscene amount of money that will be siphoned from your wallet artfully by the little boat, but how much freaking fun it is and how buff your arms could potentially become. You may also develop a truly bizarre tan, with freakishly pukey white legs and brown arms, but that's for another day.

I have become addicted to this little town in Pennsylvania called Ohiopyle, the center of a statepark by the same name and home to some of the best whitewater around. I'll tell you the name of the river, but I spell it wrong. It's something like Youghiogheny and pronounced Yock-uh-gay-knee. Most everyone calls it "The Yough" (yock).

In other words, this town offers ample opportunity for hitting rocks, turning over your kayak and dragging your soggy butt to the side of the river where you can get your butt back in your teeny little boat before doing it all over again. There are also multiple ways you can get in a raft and try not to poo your pants from the sheer terror of navigating a mile of Class V rapids. The class scale goes something like this:

Class I: Jenn can drink tea from a china cup, in the boat, with her pinky out. Jenn looks accomplished, stylish and entirely in charge of her kayak and remains dry. There are more waves in a bathtub.
Class II: Jenn looks and feels confident and dry. Why are all the 6 year olds looking so bored?
Class III: Jenn starts flipping over frequently and occasionally (uh, lots) of inappropriate words are being used in public. Luckily, no one can hear these words over the sound of the water and the sound of Jenn sputtering. Jenn looks like a wet dog without a groomer.
Class IV: Jenn better be in a raft with a guide because this is some serious uh, stuff and could lead to pooping in one's pants. Who cares how I look, I'm going to die.
Class V: OMFGHolyCrapolatacular, this is insane, Jenn is insane to be here, why can't I stop this ride, I'm going to die, did I really fall out of the raft at the top of a 9 foot waterfall? I need a helicopter, please get me out of here. Why is it already over and when can I go again? Where did I lose my sunglasses and why do I look like a Troll doll?

So I'm back. I've missed you all very much.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DANCEMONKEY 3/7/2013 8:41PM

    Hi Jenn, Don't know when you will check this again, but I am very happy to remember to check in on you and find some new blogs. I really love your writing and hope you are well. Stay awesome. -Other Jen emoticon

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MOINSDEMOI 1/13/2013 9:22AM

    Where are you Jenn? I really miss you! emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/13/2013 9:23:12 AM

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JOANNHUNT 12/2/2012 12:16AM

    SOUNDS LIKE LOTS OF FUN. COOL. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WALKIETALKIE 9/16/2012 6:57PM

    Hey! I know what adipose tissue is! My daughter is taking human anatomy and physiology and she had so much homework one night she assigned me a couple of tissues to research for location and function and that was one of them. High school has finally paid off for me! emoticon

Love your blogs hope you are doing well.


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BETHJRN 9/2/2012 4:09PM

    Missed you muchly! I too have been out of touch, but am trying to get back on track.
Great to read your blog again. Give us more!

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HOLLWALL36 8/30/2012 2:21PM

    So glad you are back! Missed you!

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JENNIFER_67 8/26/2012 12:09PM

    I've always wanted to try kayaking, but I've been afraid. I have gone white water rafting several times, and I loved it. So scary and exhilarating at the same time.

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MAMMER3 8/24/2012 9:32AM

    Welcome back we missed you!! I tried Kayaking then the meds started to kick in!! :)

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KAKAKALI4 8/20/2012 10:55AM

    AWESOME! Sounds like you have not really fallen off .. only leaned alittle more than you would like to the left! We miss your humor .. can't wait to read your next adventure!

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CHRIAMARIA1983 8/16/2012 7:47PM

    So glad you are back on here! Sorry to hear you've had a rough patch.

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LIFEINMOTION 8/16/2012 2:44PM

    Wow - sounds like you're having fun on the water! Welcome back :) I've been gone for a year myself, and forgot how much I love SP.

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FRITO_PIE 8/15/2012 9:32PM

    Glad you are back! It's no fun being a Lurker when the quality of writing isn't there :)
So, the d-word sucks, therapy is good, but kayaking.... Little Missy, kayaking makes you one bad-ass Liver of Life!

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MAMA_CD 8/15/2012 6:42PM

    Sounds like you've been through a lot but your paddling along to your destination...All the Best emoticon

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TEAGUE1612 8/14/2012 8:51PM

    We missed you too!

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OVERHAULING-ME 8/12/2012 10:09PM

    HUGS for all you've been through! So glad you're back!

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MOINSDEMOI 8/12/2012 5:59PM

    WooHoo Jenn's back for real. Pennsylvania surely has some strangely-named towns and I grew up in NYS, never knowing this.


Comment edited on: 8/12/2012 6:00:21 PM

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CLOVER2 8/12/2012 2:53PM

    OMG, OMG YOU ARE BACK!!! I came THISSSSSSS CLOSE to "unfriending" you (I HATE that term!) because I try to keep it under SOME control, (my OCD cropping up here), but I just couldn't do it! YIPPEEE for me!!
I just spent the last 10 min. laughing my butt off! Having done white-water rafting in a former life I am all too familiar with your description of the water! I absolutely loved it! I just don't think my body could handle it again. I tried catamaran once, it was a bit on the boring side. I may try it again just because I really do love white-water and I can't physically do it anymore. Sciatica will do that to you.
Welcome, welcome, welcome back!!! I missed you so! Please stay and let us know how you are! And what is going on in your little corner of the world!
I hope you read this, I don't think it's been too long since you wrote your blog!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DOLPHINDREAM 8/11/2012 9:28AM

  Loved this blog...I too need to get back on the healthy path i was on.
The funny thing about reading this blog..I kept thinking how much i enjoy this writers sense of humor like I used to enjoy my SP friend Jennswims..when I went to top to add this person I smiled when I realized it was you. Sorry about the rough things you have had to deal with...thankful you didn't lose your humor or ability to come up with some great new words :-)

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FITINEASTBAY 8/8/2012 10:57AM

    I have also discovered kayaking, but have only done it on Lake Tahoe (pretty still), but you make me want to try whitewater while still being totally scared of it!

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    LMAO!!! I love kayaking it is so fun. I totally agree with your rating scale of the rapids.

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    LMAO!! that was some funny stuff right there.. welcome back!!!

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MISSFORTE 8/7/2012 8:11AM

    Awesome thanks for the update I went white water rafting about 12 yrs it was fun!

Keep up with blogging I've missed you!

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READYRACHEL 8/6/2012 3:11PM

    Glad you are back! My first whitewater rafting adventure was on the Yough in Ohiopyle. It was many years ago, but I remember having a blast (and my guide being a super hottie).

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HARLOW10 8/5/2012 9:43PM

    I'm sorry to hear that you have been through so much in the last six months. That said, I am so happy that you are back. Kayaking is on my fitness bucket list, and living in Minnesota gives me ample places to make a fool of myself while doing so :) Glad you found another activity that you love to do!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 8/4/2012 1:37PM

    missed you and your quoky sense of humour as well,love.take care and keeßp smiling.keep on keeeping on(and donīt forget fresh underwear just incase you do poop,lol) emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JIBBIE49 8/3/2012 5:51PM

    Great to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail. What an honor. emoticon

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GRATEFUL_BEING 8/3/2012 3:33PM

  So glad your back! I left for awhile too, but made a new profile when I came back. Sounds like your on the right track!

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 8/3/2012 3:08PM

    Great fun! It's one of my favs in any class

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BLUEJEAN99 8/3/2012 11:43AM


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TINAJANE76 8/3/2012 11:07AM

    It's so great to have you back and I'm glad to see you're back on the kayak!

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MJROBB 8/3/2012 12:38AM

    Nice! I want to pick up kayaking, but haven't had the $$ to do so. (obviously it hasn't been a priority, otherwise you make the $ part happen). Glad to hear you're having fun! How's your roll?

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FLORNH 8/2/2012 9:28PM

    Thanks for the laugh!

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KIPPER15 8/2/2012 8:24PM

    emoticon sounds like fun.

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KWWILSON 8/2/2012 6:52PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JANETTEB553 8/2/2012 4:38PM


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LITTLEROX20 8/2/2012 3:47PM


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PEGGYO 8/2/2012 3:18PM

    sounds like you had fun

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BUTTERFLY-1976 8/2/2012 1:35PM

    Love it!!!! Great blog! So happy your back!

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SUESAL4 8/2/2012 1:22PM

    I can relate to the falling out of the boat and almost pooping the pants (that were now wet from falling into the water). Fortunately some kind souls tripping by pulled me into their raft. Always wanted to go back - never made it. Now I'm not sure if I have the guts or joint health sufficient to survive. But Ohiopyle is indeed a magical place!

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LAVENDERLILY 8/2/2012 1:00PM

    emoticon There is more to life than dieting!

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NESARIAN 8/2/2012 12:49PM

    Too funny! Makes me want to go out and get my own kayak...

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MANILUS 8/2/2012 12:36PM

    Congrats on finding joy in your world! Sounds like you really needed that and so happy you found it! All the best!

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KRISTEN282 8/2/2012 12:23PM

    Glad to have you back!

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KGWINDER 8/2/2012 12:18PM

    Have fun paddling those pounds away negotiating the rapids of sparkpoints. Paddle, paddle, paddle, log, log, log.

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GARDENQE2 8/2/2012 12:06PM

    Wonderful to have you back Jen...and you sound better than ever!
Love the Kayak-water descriptions!
Keep sparking! emoticon

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CHEEKY1000 8/2/2012 11:50AM

    Glad you're back! I love kayaking (though I'm not a whitewater gal). I prefer to take my camera and be able to shoot pics of the scenery--not cling for my life and say "camera? what camera? who the hell cares about the camera...we're going to DIE!!!" As for pasty legs--another reason I like sit-on-top kayaks. They also stop me from going bat-crap crazy from the claustrophobia of having my legs "trapped."

While you didn't dwell on it (maybe you did in another blog), I didn't realize things were so rough with you and hubby. In fact, my impression was quite the opposite. Anyhow, I'm sorry you went through such a rocky time.


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TMOORE073 8/2/2012 11:36AM

    Loved your story! I laughed so hard! Ha ha

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DEBK0923 8/2/2012 11:03AM

    good blog

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PENNYPACKER3 8/2/2012 9:54AM


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KHOUDYSHELL 8/2/2012 9:37AM

  Awesome job, getting back out there and living life!!!

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