Monday, July 30, 2012
I Miss Sparking!
I got a friend request the other day (well, more accurately a notification that someone had added me as a SparkFriend) and it reminded me of how much I enjoyed being a daily Sparker. I had a streak of almost a full year of daily log-ins! I was tracking my food (for the most part) and my exercise, and I enjoyed reading blogs and articles and getting healthy recipes. I had lost almost 30 lbs! But then I burned out...
I had pushed myself too far; I felt deprived and overworked. Sparking started to feel like a chore, especially logging my food because I don't eat pre-packaged or pre-portioned food so it always felt like I was either adding something "close" or I had to add the recipe, which meant I had to guess how many servings it made etc. etc. etc. It was just too much! When I track my food, I feel like I'm on a diet, regardless of what food I'm eating. I didn't (and still don't) want to be *that* person, the one that obsessively counts calories and worries about meeting her nutritional goals for the day and "cheats" occasionally just to avoid feeling deprived but is just kidding herself because she *always* feels guilty about what goes into her mouth. And that's who I am when I track my food. I'm not saying it didn't work (I was my lightest ever!) but it burned me out.
Getting injured didn't help, either. When you're used to seeing 300-400 calories burned because you ran 3-4 miles in 30-35 minutes, sinking down to walking for 30 minutes doesn't even feel worth it. Let alone when I switched entirely to yoga, which doesn't count as cardio at all! Instead of being encouraging, tracking my fitness became a reminder of how far hurting myself had made me fall, how stupid it had been to push myself to the point of injury, and how far I had to go to get back in the game. It became depressing, so I stopped doing it. And with that, I stopped exercising...
All of that is to kind of explain where I've been. We moved out of our tiny apartment, and in with my in-laws, which means we moved away from our tiny gym and my running buddy (who got pregnant anyway [yay! :)] so couldn't run very much) so I haven't been as consistent as I should be. No, that's an understatement. Living with them has brought back all of my horrible habits that made me overweight in the first place! Plus, they're negative and cynical and stick-thin, so there's a lot of stress involved which is super counter-productive. I miss Sparking!
I don't really know how to participate in SparkPeople when I'm not tracking (which I am not going to do because I just can't take the pressure), but I want to get back in the swing of things. I got a cool new app on my phone that helps me "build a habit;" it basically gives me a place to track "yes" or "no" for my daily yoga, 3-times-a-week cardio, and daily "fitness challenge" workouts. Then it gives me feedback as to whether I am improving my frequency and meeting my goal, or if I need to work on it. But it's all "ones and zeros" so it doesn't matter what I do as long as I do it and feel like it counts. I've also switched back to using my little plates instead of the big plates I've been eating off of. We (my husband and I) are also trying very hard to avoid eating out just because it's something to do, which is hard because frankly there's really nothing else to do.
We should hear about our house soon (we've had an offer in on a short sale since May, but they're finally evaluating our offer) and we so very look forward to having a house of our own again! And it's a split entry, so that'll be good for our waistlines. ;) Mostly, we want to be away from the stress and the bad eating habits that are ingrained in his family.
In short, I'm back! Even if it's not all the way, I'm back and I'm grateful to all the support that my SparkFriends have given me, during my initial weight-loss and now (I expect) my getting back on the wagon. Here we go!
September 2011: 155, size 8-10
July 2012: 165(ish), size 10(ish)
Goal: Back to feeling good, regardless of what that looks like physically!
PS: I haven't really weighed myself (I don't want the Wii to say "That's overweight") so my weight there is fully clothed in the evening after dinner. And a 12 is too big, so I'm not really a 10-12, but some 10s are snug so I'm an ish. Anyway, I'm OK with that, I just want to feel better again!