Monday, July 30, 2012
Its all just advice. When you are searching for help, makeing a plan gaining ideas, asking opinions...its all just advice. Some advice we ask for, some unsolicited, some given with the best intentions, other not. Its important to remember we are all fighting our own individual demons. My demons are mine to own, yours are yours. Our issues may be similar but never the same. We envy others who seem to have it all figured out, but never think they too are fighting a hard battle within. Someone who has no issues with food struggles with something else (possibly gambling, relationship issues, who knowS). Its part of being human, and none of use are immune tto facing problems until we are dead, and then ....who knows.
A "friend" called me yesterday. I put friend in quotations because Im never sure where I stand with her, she is a taker. She asks for help all the time, takes whatever you offer, invites herself over, makes plans that end up costing you time/money but benefit her.....the worst part is she rarely/never reciprocates so i usually cut our conversations short to avoid having to expend the extra energy/time/money helping her or having to say no (which im getting better at. I wont post specifics at this time, its the conversation I want to focus on right now. So I answered her call (which I usually dont), and she was calling to tell me she was grateful for me. She had to take her cat back to the shelter yesterday and knows I have been through the same thing with both a cat and a dog (due to Madelynne being scared to death of the cat, and the dog lost its mind).
I posted my struggle (selectively) on FB, and we had talked about it in person also when it happened. Our dog has been gone 2 years and the cat 1 year, but she remembered my honesty with the situation, and my struggle making the tough call. She was upset that she had to make the decision, but strangely knowing I had been through it made it a little easier for her. Turning a pet into the shelter is not an easy decision but when the safety and mental health of your child are in question the choice as a parent has to be made. Other people will judge you (and I have been judged for both decisions) but in all honesty my child does and always will come first. I reminded her that it is harder to be a parent then just an adult, and we make the best decisions we can based ont he information we have at the time. Our talked turned to sleep issues with her daughter (which she knows I have been through with mine), and concerns about finding a preschool for her child that offers a scholarship to help.
I am always honored when people ask me for advice about parenting. Since my mom dies when I was 5 I feel like Im just floundering most times making choices and sculpting these tiny humans into productive polite ladies. But when someone asks me for help, I think to myself "well someone thinks you are doing something right" and it makes me struggle seem a little less. She usually takes my advice, which is equally as flatering. I left the conversation feeling very happy to have her in my life. She's the type of person you may look at and think "She's got this all figured out." Shes tall, gorgeous, fit. She owns her own business, teaches yoga, takes fantastic trips (just got back from 2 weeks in africa), dates cute guys, has a great circle of friends. But I know from many conversations with her what her demons are, and although her demons are not food related, they are there and she struggles with the every bit as much as I do with food.