Sunday, July 29, 2012
It has been 82 full days since my beloved daughter last self-harmed. Has it been easy for her, definitely no. Has it been easy for me and/or her dad, definitely no. Has it been easy for her brother, no, but he has taken it easier with her than I have, for sure. You know, he suggests iPod aps, he suggests music he thinks she should hear (pretty insightful songs, I might add) and he just treats her as a brother treats a sister, no holds barred, no 'better not say that', no 'she's fragile so I'll coddle her'...he is, exactly who she needs him to be, her big (well, at least much taller!), older, not-wiser, pompous brother.
Oh, to have that luxury...Or don't I?
I have tended to take the place of counselor during this time..."How are you", "What do you think", How are you doing with being away from home? Friends?" What can we do for you? What do you need? And what are you thinking about?
Well, I'm learning...I'm not a counselor, I'm her mom. I'm not here to make things smooth, I'm here to make sure she can handle the rough spots. I'm not a counselor, I'm here to love unconditionally and I'm here to make sure that the next decision she makes (right or wrong) is what SHE is OK with, COMFORTABLE with! Really??? Yes.
When my dd wanted to be baptized at 33 days in short sleeves and tell the entire church (and whomever was watching on the internet) that she was a self-harmer (for the last 4 years), did I think it was a good idea? No, but it was her choice. And it was brave. When she has chosen to shop in clothing stores over the last 2 months in short sleeves, was that my choice? No, but she was brave! And when people 'noticed' the scars and didn't have the guts to ask anything...did I notice? You bet your bottom dollar I did! And when they asked nothing but I could see it in their eyes...did I ask? No. Did I answer before they asked? No! Did I melt, just a little inside, you bet I did. And when my dd commented later, I acknowledged that person probably (but not certainly) judged her..she is ok, I'm a little heart-broken but not completely like I was at day 5!!
We are Harmers in Healing...and it's a good place to be. Hug your kids, especially if they are small. Familiarize yourself with self-harm...and if your kids INSIST on privacy, modestly...don't let it go. Look at their bodies! You are their parent, it's ok! So you can stop this behavior before it takes hold of your child.
We are healing...and loving...and forgiving...and aware...Are You?