82 Days

Sunday, July 29, 2012

It has been 82 full days since my beloved daughter last self-harmed. Has it been easy for her, definitely no. Has it been easy for me and/or her dad, definitely no. Has it been easy for her brother, no, but he has taken it easier with her than I have, for sure. You know, he suggests iPod aps, he suggests music he thinks she should hear (pretty insightful songs, I might add) and he just treats her as a brother treats a sister, no holds barred, no 'better not say that', no 'she's fragile so I'll coddle her'...he is, exactly who she needs him to be, her big (well, at least much taller!), older, not-wiser, pompous brother.

Oh, to have that luxury...Or don't I?

I have tended to take the place of counselor during this time..."How are you", "What do you think", How are you doing with being away from home? Friends?" What can we do for you? What do you need? And what are you thinking about?

Well, I'm learning...I'm not a counselor, I'm her mom. I'm not here to make things smooth, I'm here to make sure she can handle the rough spots. I'm not a counselor, I'm here to love unconditionally and I'm here to make sure that the next decision she makes (right or wrong) is what SHE is OK with, COMFORTABLE with! Really??? Yes.

When my dd wanted to be baptized at 33 days in short sleeves and tell the entire church (and whomever was watching on the internet) that she was a self-harmer (for the last 4 years), did I think it was a good idea? No, but it was her choice. And it was brave. When she has chosen to shop in clothing stores over the last 2 months in short sleeves, was that my choice? No, but she was brave! And when people 'noticed' the scars and didn't have the guts to ask anything...did I notice? You bet your bottom dollar I did! And when they asked nothing but I could see it in their eyes...did I ask? No. Did I answer before they asked? No! Did I melt, just a little inside, you bet I did. And when my dd commented later, I acknowledged that person probably (but not certainly) judged her..she is ok, I'm a little heart-broken but not completely like I was at day 5!!

We are Harmers in Healing...and it's a good place to be. Hug your kids, especially if they are small. Familiarize yourself with self-harm...and if your kids INSIST on privacy, modestly...don't let it go. Look at their bodies! You are their parent, it's ok! So you can stop this behavior before it takes hold of your child.

We are healing...and loving...and forgiving...and aware...Are You?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a powerful and courageous blog: I see where your daughter acquired her courage from!!
    2051 days ago
    Congratulations to each and every one of you! And thank you for sharing such a inspirational blog.
    2061 days ago
    I found your blog through DETERMINEDJANET. Amen to what you are doing by sharing this with others. Your DD is obviously very strong in so many ways. Who knows who she will help by 'going public' with her past self-harming.

    My family is on day 79 of my 20 year old DS, who still lives with us, being drug and alcohol free! He is also being treated for bi-polar. It has been a journey for our family the past 2 years dealing with his troubled life.

    Hugs to you and your family! May God continue to help you heal, love, laugh and spread joy to others through forgiveness!
    2062 days ago
    Self harm is not easy to overcome, congratulations to your whole family for surviving this rollercoater
    2062 days ago
    Great blog Karen. Thanks for the transparency and words of wisdom as one walking through this firsthand.
    2062 days ago
    I'm so glad things are improving for all of you... and I pray my daughter can grow to be half as strong as is yours!!!

    May the peace that surpasses all undestanding be with all of you!

    {{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}
    2062 days ago
  • -LINDA_S
    I wish your family continued success and peace...I'm sure your blogs will help many.

    2062 days ago
    I am sorry I didn't read your blog about this challenge until just daughter also went through this when she was young (she's 32 now) and I totally identify with your emotions. Your daughter is getting great help and I'm so thankful for that!

    I loved what you said in your blog "Once you shine a light in a dark corner, it's never dark again." That's very similar to what I used to tell MY daughter: "A secret loses its power to hurt once it is exposed to the light."

    I will keep your family in my prayers. My daughter is now seemingly over all of the worst of her mental health issues. She is married and pregnant with her first child. We are so grateful. Take care of yourself and your family.

    2063 days ago
    So glad you are all healing - hugs to you!
    2063 days ago
    Karen. . . God's grace is abundant. . .and He is certainly ministering to your family. Yea dd. . .she is healing. . .she is winning the battle
    Big long distance hug to you, my friend. .Barb emoticon
    2063 days ago
  • _LINDA
    It looks like your family is handling this all around well. I hope that means the healing can begin. May your brave daughter continue to make strides and be harm free.
    Thanks for the insights on how deeply this condition affects everyone, especially you as a Mom..
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2063 days ago
    Hugs Karen!
    Great blog, you all are doing well.
    2063 days ago
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