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    DERF4ME   13,327
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints

Picking myself up again...

Sunday, July 29, 2012

I'm back...again.

Fortunately, a couple of things have changed for the positive since the last time I said that. For one, I have now integrated into my life attendance at Overeaters Anonymous meetings twice per week. I am actively working the 12-steps. Well, sometimes actively. But at least I keep going back to meetings. Plus, I have sponsors that I work with to keep me moving forward instead of living in isolation with my compulsive eating behaviors. I have now been going to OA since May 2011...over a year.

Some other things that have changed...

- I now look at my weight as a symptom of my compulsive eating and other internal issues. I no longer see a "diet" as being able to fix me.
- I officially no longer focus on my weight. As a matter of fact, I avoid the scale quite a bit, because it seems to be a depression trigger for me. Now I will weigh myself only for a specific purpose (like infrequently monitoring where I'm at). But if I'm eating poorly, there is absolutely no point in me triggering myself. I already know I gained.
- I have trigger foods that have a lot of power over me (sugar+cream, deep fried foods), but what seems to give them even more power is me telling myself I can never have them again. For that reason, I am trying not to do my OA abstinence the way many people do (i.e. no sugar, no flour, etc...). That seems to sabotage me, bringing out my immature rebellious side. I am still trying to figure out how to work a food plan with my very broken self.
- I just have to "keep coming back". As long as I don't run from recovery, I am hoping that eventually it will hit me in the face...or maybe one day, it will click. In the meantime, I will keep attending meetings, working the steps the best I can, and using the OA tools.

Those are my thoughts for today.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LAURAAT 7/31/2012 4:03PM

    So glad you're back! And it looks like you've learned a ton! I'm super impressed.

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BUTEAFULL 7/31/2012 2:21AM


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BLUE42DOWN 7/30/2012 1:58AM

    emoticon back.

Sounds like you're taking a sensible approach - and so so right that you have to just "keep coming back". As long as we keep trying, we keep giving ourselves a chance, emoticon

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