My last week has been crazy! I work at a school one-to-one with a child with special needs. I really like my job and this is probably the first time I've had a job I haven't hated! The downside is that I work for an agency so only get paid for the days I work and not for the holidays. School ended for the summer a week and a half ago. Whereas all the permanent staff were happy for 6 weeks off with pay, it spells trouble for me. 6 weeks without money! Aaaah! I've been so busy with school that I haven't had time to look for extra work (I tried getting a second job in April / May but had no luck).
Over the last week I've been acting a bit crazily obsessive with finding some work to do over summer AND looking for a new place to live since I need to move in 2 and half weeks time. Talk about stress! I'm a very determined person but swing too much in the action direction and get totally obsessed with something or some goal. I was looking for work and a new place all the time, was super stressed and had problems sleeping. I was seriously going towards burnout until I realised that I need to just calm down. Keep on looking for work and a new place, but not at the expense of my health. I was feeling lonely and stressed and was a bit worried knowing that I am prone to depression. I took some time out, actually enjoyed the super hot sun we've had in London last week and chilled a bit.
I found a place in London called Innerspace that does free talks, positive thinking / self-esteem/ relaxation courses, so started doing the positive thinking one. I went Tuesday for the 1st week and found it interesting. They also have a 'quiet room' where people, anyone off the street, can just go in to meditate! Isn't that cool! I've signed for their 'Pause, Stop, Think' Olympic challenge where they send you a message / thought to concentrate on the day and daily meditation. Anyone can join - they just send in to your email once a day for the Olympic 2 weeks - http://www.innerspace.org.uk/p
ause.think.act.php Please join if you like.
I've been alternating my obsessive and worrying about things with reading positive thinking/ psychology and selfhelp books. I'm still struggling but do find myself trying to be more positive. I will post them in another blog and rate them for you in case they might help you or if they have any benefit worth taking.
On the upside, I've used the free time to keep up a good level of exercise and breaking through my 145 plateau and amazingly am at 141lbs and only 1lb from my goal weight! It's crazy to think that I am near my goal weight that I have been working towards for literally years! Just 1 lb!! I know I can do this! I stupidly thought that if I weighed X amount I would automatically be more likable, confident, lovable, etc, but I know that is not true. It just means that I weigh less than I did before. I still have the same hangups but I am working on them. Slowly but surely. I think reading all these self help books has put me in a very reflective mood but I have needed this.
Additionally to being closer to my goal weight, I have never felt so strong or fit!! I have just done the first week of Charlean's Extreme 'Lean' phase and am lifting proper heavy weights! I did this program before and got good results but this time I'm pushing myself further and lifting heavier. Oh and today I have done something that I have worked towards for years!!!! I have tried doing the C25K program but gave up twice. I have done my own alternating jogging with walking program and been slowly building up my stamina. Well today I have jogged for 20 minutes non-stop! That might not be a big goal for many people and lot of people may find this very easy (one of my good friends who is a lot bigger than me can easily jog 20 mins straight and did soon after she started taking up jogging) but for me this has been so hard! I am not a natural runner. I hated running! Now I find jogging makes me feel fitter, breath better at the end, gets rid of stress and stronger. I have 20 mins of jogging alternated with walking but today just decided out the blue to push myself further and did the 20 minutes jogging without stopping once! And I really proud of myself!
I still have no work over the summer and no new place to move to but I am looking after myself, am eating healthy, working out often and mixing it up and relaxing every now and again (got my first flotation tank session tomorrow!). It's a strange time for me. Lots of changes, dealing with things and trying to control my stress but I feel positive about myself now and feel more capable with coping with things.