Sunday, July 29, 2012
Well, yesterday I went on my 2nd jog this week here in my neighborhood. If you read my blog regularly, you know I'm a devoted TaeBo fan. I do it every morning, and I've pledged to keep doing it (or any other form of exercise) for the next 3 months (6 months total), and then I'll reevaluate and determine what my regimen needs to be after that.
I've decided that I need to add some jogging 3x a week in the evenings to up my cardiovascular endurance. I've actually enjoyed the 2 jogging sessions I've had this week, but I've found myself becoming very self-conscious while out there on the road. There's an area near me that has a sidewalk, and is a little more 'off the beaten path' than the main crossroads. But there's still traffic. Mostly cars, but foot traffic as well. I can't seem to stop assessing what the passersby must be thinking about my form/speed/butt/overall appearance as they drive or walk by.
I know it shouldn't matter. I should just get out there and do what I need to do for my own health -- devil may care. But I do care. I've worked out in the privacy of my own home for 3 months now because I don't feel comfortable exercising in front of other people. I don't even want my husband watching me.
It's a big step for me to put myself out there like that, but I know it's for my own good. I keep feeling that if I were 40 lbs. lighter, and had a cute little jogging outfit, I could feel a little more confident about strutting my stuff for all the world to see. I'd whiz by, impressing onlookers, and inspiring them to greatness. Right now, I feel more like a spectacle -- from my drab jogging pants and dingy T-Shirt, to my thunder thighs, to how slowly I jog. I'm stopping every couple of minutes to walk it out.
I know, I'm a work in progress. I'm trying to remind myself that whatever people may be thinking about your appearance out there, they'll think for 1.5 seconds and move on with their lives. I'm not going to allow it to deter me from reaching a higher level of physical fitness. I'll deal with the embarrassment, and have a story to tell. I know, I know. I should just get over it and enjoy my workout. And I am actually enjoying it, believe it or not.
I just wonder sometimes if I'm the only one who is tempted to shy away from getting physically active for fear of being judged?