Saturday, July 28, 2012
I must admit, I was a little misleading with that title.
Because now I am about to disappoint you. And I am also about to get lambasted by people for a myriad of reasons that even I can't predict. It's a touchy subject, but I have come to the conclusion that the answer to the question "How do I get my loved one to get in shape" is, quite simply, "You can't".
That's right. There's not a blessed thing you can plot to do to motivate someone who is not you to change. I've learned this by not only observing others, but by living it (and making the people around me miserable and resent me, I might add). The truth is I may have also stalled their trip down the fitness path.
Learn from my mistakes and those I have observed in others. Please.
When we get in better shape, we naturally want the people we love to also get in shape because..... well...... we love them.
But let's be honest- If someone tried to influence you to change back before you started getting your act together, would it have done any good?
Didn't think so.
Now what makes you think they are any different?
Your best bet is to continue to do what is best for you and hope it will motivate them. And chances are it probably will..... eventually. But I can almost guarantee it won't be as soon as you want. So stop waiting for them to get their keisters in gear and just get on with your own fit life.
Here are some things I believe you have the right to do:
-You have the right to insist on keeping trigger foods out of the house. In our house I get to choose what comes into the kitchen. If I am feeling strong, ice cream may make it through the door. But if I don't either bring it in myself or invite it in, it's not allowed. Maybe that sounds unfair, but I'm the one who's made the big changes for her health, here, and I shouldn't be expected to live with things that could sabotage that. It'd be like expecting a coke addict to live in a crack house: Completely unrealistic. And since my way of eating won't hurt anyone else, and keeping trigger foods around COULD hurt me, on this one I get my way.
- You have the right to expect the rest of the family to respect your workout schedule. It's what helped you get healthy, it is what will help you stay healthy, and you have a right to your health. No one else should be allowed to mess that up. (However, you should try to make your daily workout at the most convenient time for the people you live with. For me, this is first thing in the morning. It makes me available for my family the rest of the day.)
- You have the right to tell people you are not responsible for doing the work for them. Trust me, along the line someone is going to decide they want to look better, too, and say something to the effect of "Just tell me what to eat and how to work out, since you've already done this." When someone doesn't make the effort to learn, they won't know how to implement the changes necessary to maintain their health after the goal is met. Teach them? Yes. Do it for them? That's not your responsibility.
- You have the right to stand up for yourself when people make fun of your healthier choices. Just because you are making choices that might make people uncomfortable does NOT mean you have to take their less-than-kind comments lying down. It's okay to say something like "Ouch! That hurt!'.
- You have the right to serve healthy food to your guests. If they don't want to eat the kinds of foods you serve, they need to host the event in their own home.
- You have the right to bring foods you can eat when you go to a place where you know there won't be any good choices for you. This includes restaurants and times you are invited to someone's house. If people don't like this one, that's just too bad. You have the business of being healthy that comes first.
- You have the right (and responsibility) to be kind. Remember the old saying "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar"? It REALLY applies here.
And here are some things I believe you do NOT have the right to do:
- You do not have the right to lecture other people on why the food you are eating is superior to their choices. People really resent this. Trust me- if they want to know, they will ask.
- You do not have the right to tell others what to order in restaurants. Unless it's your your child this is none of your business. (If they ask you what a good choice is, that's another issue all together.)
- You do not have the right to dictate what is served in someone else's home. It's okay to (nicely!) ask what they are going to serve, so you can prepare. But to ask them to serve something else entirely is simply rude.
- You do not have the right to nag someone else on why you want them to get fit. Was this ever motivational for you?
- You do not have the right to ask someone pointed questions like "How's your weight?" Oh, come on.... You know at least one person who's done something that. Don't become this individual. They know they are heavy- It's not like you are giving them a new revelation. (Besides, how are they supposed to answer? "It sucks. Thanks for asking! And yours?"?)
It bears repeating- In making wise choices consistently you might very well set an example for your loved one that will eventually motivate them to change. Let that be a motivator for you in doing the right things if you like, but don't let anyone else be your key reason for getting or staying fit. Keep YOU the focus of your fit lifestyle. You will be more genuine, and therefore more appealing, in your influence that way.