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When PEOPLE hinder your journey.

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Saturday, July 28, 2012

As we travel the road to "Health & Fitness" we face many obstacles but progress becomes most difficult when there is chaos INSIDE the car! Making life changes is hard enough when one has lots of support but there are many of you that lack that or have a family member or friend that is putting obstacles in your path.

Significant Other: Those of you that are blessed to have a supportive and encouraging significant other - be thankful, be very thankful. For those who have a SO that is also overweight/obese it can often be difficult if they are not also trying to make lifestyle changes. Issues you will face are:

1) Unhealthy foods and snacks in the house .
2) Cooking unhealthy dishes (i.e. fried chicken, pasta with cream sauces, etc.)
3) Resentment about your "fitness minutes"
4) Insecurity about your changing figure (esp. with men worried their more "alluring wife" will suddenly attract attention.

These are all REAL issues that many will face. The best thing you can do is to sit down and talk openly and honestly with your SO. Ask them for their help. Assure them about your relationship. Find a way to cook so that you can both eat. Look through the spark recipes together. Find ways to exercise together that are fun: skiing, skating, tennis, ping pong, dancing, Wii. You can't expect your SO to read your mind. Be OPEN and HONEST.

Friends: Some friends will not like the "new you" that will no longer "go out for an ice cream" or "barhopping". Some will even feel that your losing weight makes them look "worse". Some may fear you won't want to be THEIR friend once you are "thin" and they are still "overweight". Again, be open and honest with your friend (adopt some of the same strategies as above) and IF your friend can't stop sabotaging your plan then make your involvement with that person less frequent and away from meal times.

Parents: Most parents are happy to see their adult children get healthy but in some cases this isn't so. Some parents want to be "in control" and view your changes in health as a threat to that control. For other parents that are overweight themselves they may view this as a judgment about them. Some mothers sabotage the worst. "You've lost enough already". "But I made your favorite lasagna and pie." "It won't hurt to eat this just once."

1) Remember that you are an ADULT .
2) Avoid mealtimes for parental visits if you have a sabotaging parent.
3) If your parent feels threatened by your changing body/lifestyle assure them you still love them and ask them to be happy for you.
4) Most importantly, do not think for a minute that a critical parent is going to stop being so if you lose weight. They just find something ELSE to pick at. Those few that do this won't change so learn to let it roll off your back.

Emotional Eating - I want to talk specifically here about emotional eating as a response to relational pain. For decades I have used food as a comfort for the pain inflicted by "others". One never stops wanting the approval of their family and closest friends. In some relationships losing weight won't change that. This is when you have to find the strength to be the BEST person you can be for YOURSELF!

To sum this all up: You have to be true to yourself. It's your body, your health, your life. Nobody else knows what life is like in your shoes. If others are encouraging and helpful - WONDERFUL! Invite them to be part of your journey. If they are critical and sabotage your best efforts you may have to distance yourself from them for the journey until you are well set in your new lifestyle.

Never give up! Don't give in to others' wishes and stay true to yourself. You are WORTH it!

Press On!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEACHFIRST268 7/29/2012 6:25PM

    Excellent points!!
Thanks for the pep talk!

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LAURIE5658 7/29/2012 6:20PM

    What a fabulous blog!

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PATRICIAANN46 7/29/2012 6:18PM

  Very well said.......... emoticon

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GOSPARK45 7/29/2012 6:07PM

    Nice blog. Great ideas.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DR8561 7/29/2012 5:37PM

    emoticon

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BARBARASDIET 7/29/2012 5:30PM

    Well written!

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YOURTRUTHDIET 7/29/2012 5:22PM

  Well said!

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BESCATS 7/29/2012 5:16PM

    Wonderful blog. We are both retired, and started our quest to get healthy together, so I am fortunate.

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BIRDLSLAURIE 7/29/2012 5:08PM

    Great insight!

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MOM-MOM8 7/29/2012 5:04PM

    emoticon advise and insight.

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HLOCHRIDGE 7/29/2012 4:52PM

    Great advice!!!! Something that so many of us need to hear! Thank you!

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SUNSHINE65 7/29/2012 4:50PM

    OMG! You are sooo insightful! Thanks for spelling it out so well: the problem and the RESPONSE to the problem. So easy for us to just react in the situation without armor to give an appropriate, grown-up RESPONSE.
Gayle

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JERICHO1991 7/29/2012 4:25PM

    Thanks for the reminders.

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SERASARA 7/29/2012 4:24PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THEIS58 7/29/2012 4:18PM

    Great!

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JUDYAMK 7/29/2012 4:17PM

    I know where you are coming from. I once had a co worker tell me I thought I was too good for them because I choose not to have take out. ( which they do EVERYDAY ) I live 2 minutes from home & I have a healthy lunch. I let her know that I am the same person as before, but I choose to eat healthier so I can get my cholesterol down & triglycerides so I would not have to go on medication.I told her she should be happy for me that I may be improving my health so I would not stroke out & be around longer in my life.
Judy

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PENOWOK 7/29/2012 3:59PM

    This is very true, but the opposite can be true also...This is typically an exception, but I once worked with a family where the mom lost quite a bit of weight and immediately dumped her husband and walked away from the kids because she wanted "a new life" for the "new me." I suspect there were plenty of other issues going on before the weight loss. The point is, though, if you have people in your life who are trying to sabotage, make sure to resolve other issues that may simply be highlighted by the weight loss and changing you. You are changing ...thinking differently about food and exercise, so make it clear that your heart for them is NOT changing! If they want ice cream or bar hopping, offer an alternative so they know you still want to be part of their lives. You get the point...

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DURANGOREDDOG 7/29/2012 3:56PM

    Awesome blog. Thanks for putting out there so well.

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BLUE42DOWN 7/29/2012 3:49PM

    Very important message. We should NEVER be apologizing (or feeling like we should) for eating healthier, being more active, or wanting to be closer to an ideal weight.

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SLUDERCATS 7/29/2012 3:10PM

    Great advice here...thank you for sharing!!

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CLAYARTIST 7/29/2012 3:10PM

  emoticon

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DANCINGWILLOW87 7/29/2012 2:52PM

    This is a very wonderful blog!

I think most people have at least one person in their life who is against their plans for getting a healthier lifestyle, and this just made things seem...easier to look at, deal with...can't quite pin down the word I am looking for but it really did help look at things in a better light when other people are involved.

I wish you the best of luck on your own journey. I hope you get there strong, happy, with your head held high.

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TYCO4ME 7/29/2012 2:49PM

    You will be successful.

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HEARTS116 7/29/2012 2:42PM

    Great advice! Great blog!

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CAROL494 7/29/2012 2:33PM

  What truth there is in your statement, "You have to be true to yourself." Thank you for reminding us of this principle. emoticon

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THETROUT 7/29/2012 2:08PM

    Yes, and preparing ahead of time for these obstacles is key. Do what you must to prepare.

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JOANNHUNT 7/29/2012 2:01PM

    Thank You SOOOOOOOOOOO very much. You have just outlined my struggle. My problem is a jealous handicapped fiance who feels threatened if he isn't the center of attention. He asks for cookies, chips, icecream and doughnuts in front of my nine year old granddaughter that is ADHD, that I have custody off and gets her going. This becomes very stressful and hurtful. He apologizes later which I tell him doesn't cover the pain and damage he has caused. I have sat them both down and talked to them. My granddaughter gets it but says I like you just the way you are. You aren't fat you are cuddly. He says he understands but has short term memory lose so it's a battle I am going to win. I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF TO LOOSE THE WEIGHT , BECOME A BETTER PERSON, A HEALTHIER PERSON AND A LOVING PARTNER AND GRANDMA. I LOVE THEM DEARLY AS I DO THE OTHER FIVE GRANDCHILDREN. I AM GOING TO WIN THIS BATTLE. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLOOMING52 7/29/2012 1:36PM

    Thank you.

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FIT@401 7/29/2012 1:34PM

    Thanks for the great advise.

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LEALOWE 7/29/2012 1:16PM

    Thanks for a great blog. Good advice!

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STINASTEW 7/29/2012 1:13PM

    Good points! A lot of peer pressure out there & it makes it very hard to keep on track!

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SASSYTHING52 7/29/2012 1:12PM

    i agree with you 100% its just like i wrote this myselve im going thru the same things with no support emoticon

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PATTISTAMPS 7/29/2012 1:10PM

    You are so right! Others are a huge obstacle at times... the "we only have pizza in the office twice a year" group, and the "we only have one birthday party a month" group, and the "it's (name your holiday)!!! Even worse are the obstacles we give to ourselves.. I'm going to make a guess that at least 75% of us who are overweight are emotional eaters. I know I am...

Thanks for your inspiring words!

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VARSWIFE 7/29/2012 1:10PM

    Excellent advice.

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NESARIAN 7/29/2012 1:00PM

    emoticon

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BBECKER1955 7/29/2012 12:44PM

    Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us. Your post certainly speaks to me.
Excelsior.

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DRKYASHI 7/29/2012 12:40PM

    emoticon Words of Wisdom!

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KICKINGKILOS 7/29/2012 12:29PM

    very well written(as usual :)
Yes... this happens a lot.
In fact...everyone thinks Iam not eating and want me to eat.
Iam guessing unless some results are seen it will not go :)

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JAS9096 7/29/2012 12:27PM

    Thank you for sharing, there are some very good tips in here :)

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ROSIE777 7/29/2012 12:24PM

    Thank you for sharing sweet friend it is a great blog, emoticon

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FUSCHIA6 7/29/2012 12:20PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAROLJ35 7/29/2012 12:19PM

    Great Blog! I am also one of the lucky ones whose DH does not need to lose weight, but supports me in all aspects and eats whatever I serve. Matter-of-fact, I am amazed at some of the foods he now eats!
I am responsible for what I eat and for exercising, but he encourages me in all aspects and never complains about the time I spend "Sparkin".

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SAINTBETH 7/29/2012 12:06PM

    Thanks. I needed that.

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LIVEDAILY 7/29/2012 12:03PM

    Great blog! What you've said is very, very true. Thank you for saying it!
emoticon

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 7/29/2012 11:57AM

    Way to say it!

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CICELY360 7/29/2012 11:56AM

  I can relate to your blog.

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RONNIEHUEY 7/29/2012 11:54AM

    Good blog

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IAMAGEMLOVER 7/29/2012 11:44AM

    I guess I am very lucky. The people in my life do support me. At family gatherings they don't make special accomodations for me, there is junk food, but I am not asked why aren't you eating, or told to try this or that.

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LANNIEMANUEL 7/29/2012 11:40AM

    very insightful. will have to keep this in mind.

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DEBK0923 7/29/2012 11:38AM

    I think most of us have people that like to sabotage our weight loss efforts, good job, great blog

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