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    PINKHOPE   114,052
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When PEOPLE hinder your journey.

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Saturday, July 28, 2012

As we travel the road to "Health & Fitness" we face many obstacles but progress becomes most difficult when there is chaos INSIDE the car! Making life changes is hard enough when one has lots of support but there are many of you that lack that or have a family member or friend that is putting obstacles in your path.

Significant Other: Those of you that are blessed to have a supportive and encouraging significant other - be thankful, be very thankful. For those who have a SO that is also overweight/obese it can often be difficult if they are not also trying to make lifestyle changes. Issues you will face are:

1) Unhealthy foods and snacks in the house .
2) Cooking unhealthy dishes (i.e. fried chicken, pasta with cream sauces, etc.)
3) Resentment about your "fitness minutes"
4) Insecurity about your changing figure (esp. with men worried their more "alluring wife" will suddenly attract attention.

These are all REAL issues that many will face. The best thing you can do is to sit down and talk openly and honestly with your SO. Ask them for their help. Assure them about your relationship. Find a way to cook so that you can both eat. Look through the spark recipes together. Find ways to exercise together that are fun: skiing, skating, tennis, ping pong, dancing, Wii. You can't expect your SO to read your mind. Be OPEN and HONEST.

Friends: Some friends will not like the "new you" that will no longer "go out for an ice cream" or "barhopping". Some will even feel that your losing weight makes them look "worse". Some may fear you won't want to be THEIR friend once you are "thin" and they are still "overweight". Again, be open and honest with your friend (adopt some of the same strategies as above) and IF your friend can't stop sabotaging your plan then make your involvement with that person less frequent and away from meal times.

Parents: Most parents are happy to see their adult children get healthy but in some cases this isn't so. Some parents want to be "in control" and view your changes in health as a threat to that control. For other parents that are overweight themselves they may view this as a judgment about them. Some mothers sabotage the worst. "You've lost enough already". "But I made your favorite lasagna and pie." "It won't hurt to eat this just once."

1) Remember that you are an ADULT .
2) Avoid mealtimes for parental visits if you have a sabotaging parent.
3) If your parent feels threatened by your changing body/lifestyle assure them you still love them and ask them to be happy for you.
4) Most importantly, do not think for a minute that a critical parent is going to stop being so if you lose weight. They just find something ELSE to pick at. Those few that do this won't change so learn to let it roll off your back.

Emotional Eating - I want to talk specifically here about emotional eating as a response to relational pain. For decades I have used food as a comfort for the pain inflicted by "others". One never stops wanting the approval of their family and closest friends. In some relationships losing weight won't change that. This is when you have to find the strength to be the BEST person you can be for YOURSELF!

To sum this all up: You have to be true to yourself. It's your body, your health, your life. Nobody else knows what life is like in your shoes. If others are encouraging and helpful - WONDERFUL! Invite them to be part of your journey. If they are critical and sabotage your best efforts you may have to distance yourself from them for the journey until you are well set in your new lifestyle.

Never give up! Don't give in to others' wishes and stay true to yourself. You are WORTH it!

Press On!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOANNHUNT 12/7/2012 11:22PM

    emoticon So true and straight to the point. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KHALIA2 9/21/2012 6:17PM

  emoticon emoticon

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JMORRIS85 9/16/2012 6:39PM

    Great post. I have a husband that is addicted to icecream and junk food, so I can not keep it out of the house. emoticon

Jackie

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FRABBIT 8/24/2012 2:38PM

  Well written.

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LZIKES 8/20/2012 8:42PM

  Wonderful blog! There were points that I need to think about.

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NVRDWN88 8/15/2012 6:51PM

    Great blog ...:it truely is amazing how misery loves company and people enjoy watching others fail....it brings tears to my eyes to watch people succeed , so exciting to see someone tackle their fears and Excel beyond the mental and physical challenges......again great blog and all of us should carry our energy to others to help combat the nay sayers and help others see the joy in no excuses no negativity no doubt.....in all things............

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LOGOULD 8/13/2012 2:54PM

    emoticon I REALLY needed to hear this today - I seems to be battling consistency these days all because I feel guilty for putting myself and the time that I need for fitness first.

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ANDYLIN90 8/4/2012 9:47PM

    I am very fortunate to have wonderfully supportive people around me including my husband. This is a good thing as I am an expert at self-sabotage...working on making this a thing of the past.

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HYATTI1 8/4/2012 6:24PM

    It sounds so familiar...but we need to just keep pushing forward after all its our health not theirs that is at risk.

Good Blog to Wake us up.

Joanna

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LELERS 8/2/2012 2:57PM

    Oh yeah! Keep on truckin'!

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EFFRAYECHILDE 8/2/2012 8:51AM

    Great blog. I face some of these issues every day.

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JPEARL127 8/2/2012 8:31AM

  My spouse ignores his Type 2 diabetes and scoffs at my efforts to adopt a healthier lifestyle. When we walk, he chooses to stroll, which slows me down--I would like to train for a 5k to be done in the fall of 2013 if my left doesn't need to be replaced. I am currently going through rehab after having my right knee replaced in mid-May.

One thing I do to control my emotional eating is to drink lots of water whenever I get the urge to snack. If that doesn't work, I will have my snack of almonds for the day. The other thing I do to keep my hands busy in a constructive way is to knit. This is another area of resentment for my spouse. It takes nothing away from him, yet he has a problem with my knitting!

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MANILUS 8/1/2012 11:56PM

    I have been through every situation on here, it is a HUGE challenge when people try to sabotage you and they act so innocent. Great advice, keep up the fight!!!

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WHITEANGEL4 8/1/2012 11:23PM

    Thank you for sharing. I have known people that get no support on their healthy lifestyle. I do have support form My Hubby, and he is coming around to being more healthy himself. True friends love and support you regardless of your weight. If they feel inferior at your weight lose, they felt superior when you were heavy

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GOT2GETFIT 8/1/2012 5:22PM

    Great blog, thanks! emoticon

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RHAL1462 8/1/2012 3:19PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CUDDLEY51 8/1/2012 9:35AM

    Summarized so eloquently!! Wow, you really hit the nails on the head with this blog. I can relate to virtually everything you said here. Thanks for sharing!

emoticon

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THREEE 8/1/2012 12:05AM

    you said it so well emoticon emoticon

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PCASEY7 7/31/2012 11:07PM

    We've all run into some or all of the situations you describe. Thanks for the timely summary!

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SPARKLINGME176 7/31/2012 9:00PM

    Hi! Wonderful Lady,
This is SO great! I think we all face this in some way or another. I'm finding it is coming at me from VERY unexpected ways. I am learning to say, NO Thanks.... just last Sunday I had to say NO, Thanks, 4 times, THEN I said what part of No, do you not understand? She got it! I've learned to say No, thanks without a reason. It helps! That way I'm not getting into a conversation about it.
*~LIGHT

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IRONBLOSSOM 7/31/2012 12:42PM

    All so true. It's amazing that people just don't see the damage they're doing to their relationship with us (the weight-losers!) by engaging in these tactics. I try not to be around my parents at mealtimes, but then they just turn it into drinking times, or they drag the visit out long enough that it becomes, "let's go out for burritos!" And they are in decent shape and eat well...except when the kids are around!

My SO just doesn't GET it. He thinks that continuing to eat the same foods, just in moderation, will work. And I've tried to explain to him that I just can't eat the kind of sodium, empty calories, etc...in his white pasta boxed meals. Argh.

But we have to follow our own paths.

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MRSYAMI 7/31/2012 10:41AM

    This is so true. I experienced everything on this blog. Thankfully, I refused to listen to them. when I started, I had the boyfriend who was everything in #1 and my friends were furious. In their minds, I betrayed them. It was horrible. Who'd ever thought doing something right would make people angry at you.

Thankfully, I have the most supportive husband in the world (now). But I did the majority of my weightloss alone. Thankfully, my sister was on my side, but she's a continent away.

When people ask me about my weight loss, I tell them just to beware that people WILL sabotage and hinder you along the way. People will leave you, cuss you out and no one will ever say anything thing good. You just have to find the strength inside you to push forward. My reward now is my husband, knowing that my health problems has vanished and I feel wonderful. It's enough.

Thank you for sharing this blog. Thank you.

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GARRIE1 7/31/2012 10:12AM

  Good advice! Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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SOCDIRECTOR 7/31/2012 9:44AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GBAUM0432 7/31/2012 8:32AM

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JLEMUS1 7/31/2012 7:18AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THEIS58 7/31/2012 2:00AM

    Great message - Press on, for sure


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SPEEDY143 7/31/2012 1:31AM

    emoticon

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SSHIRLCAL 7/31/2012 12:47AM

    This blog was the greatest and right blog ever thanks

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JALITH 7/30/2012 11:49PM

  This is good! Thanks. . .

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STARSUB99 7/30/2012 10:22PM

    You said it all well..... we have to believe the inner voice that wants us to be healthy and happy - we all deserve it. We have to be strong and take the path to healing.

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LUNACW 7/30/2012 9:59PM

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SAPPHIRECHICK 7/30/2012 8:02PM

  Great post thanks for sharing! emoticon

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DIETER27 7/30/2012 6:27PM

  Excellent! Thanks so much for sharing this!

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LILSPARKIE85 7/30/2012 5:30PM

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STUFFNEARTABOR 7/30/2012 4:32PM

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TORTISE110 7/30/2012 3:21PM

    So important to "stay true to ourselves" during this change process. You've said this so well! Thank you.

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DEEJACKSON 7/30/2012 3:14PM

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ANGELBABIES2 7/30/2012 2:58PM

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HIGHNOON 7/30/2012 2:54PM

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GBAUM0432 7/30/2012 2:47PM

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ASPENHUGGER 7/30/2012 2:07PM

    Excellent! Thanks for sharing this!

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SPARKFRAN514 7/30/2012 1:57PM

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FEMISLIM 7/30/2012 1:44PM

    These are true words. Thakns for reminding us about them
femi

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JUANITAGUERNSEY 7/30/2012 1:29PM

    Suzanne,

There was so much hard informtion in here that really needed to be shared. I seem to be my own worst enemy. When I allow low self esteem to creep in I do not follow my plan the way I should. It is even harder when the people we care about in our lives are not supportive.

I'm going to keep working on better self esteem and working toward my goal of 165 pounds.

Thanks for sharing what needs to be shared.

Juanita

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CHARYSEEBOO 7/30/2012 1:20PM

    One thing I ran into with my DH was jealousy in reagards to my trainer. He was jealous that I didn't go to him for help. While it was hard, I had to just ignore my husband's mean words for a time. He came to see that what I was doing was beneficial for our whole family, because he really did want me to get healthy, he just wanted to be the one to help me. I had to make him see that I had to help myself and do it for myself or I would never be successful.

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JCDROLSHAGEN 7/30/2012 12:46PM

    emoticon

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NHEMBERGER 7/30/2012 12:27PM

    Great Bolg! I am very fortunate to have a supportive SO. We work together on improving our health. He's not a SP, but pays very close attention to his fitness & nutrition.

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NEWTINK 7/30/2012 12:24PM

    Great blog ... wonderful advice !!

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STACY55 7/30/2012 11:34AM

  Thank you for stating the support we need. We are told we should tell people that we are in the process of making changes to lose weight and get healthier in order to bring support and encouragement and accountability to us. Then we are undermined and bombarded with negative blasts. We need to be mindful of who we share ourselves with in our process. Our enthusiasm overflows when we begin a new project and we are excited to share our feelings and progress, but it may make others feel threatened (or they just have always been critical). Like Pinkhope stated--avoid the negative people until we are fully ensconced in our new way of thinking and eating. Thank you, SparkPeople for always being there in a positive way!

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