Friday, July 27, 2012
Look, you and I are going to have to take things down a notch or two. Lately I've been feeling like you don't support me at all and I'm getting tired of it. I know when we first began our relationship, I kept pushing you farther and farther away, and that was my fault.
But now that I've let you get closer and closer to me, I realize just how unnecessary you're becoming. It's time for me to find someone else.
Done Hanging On,
So there I was. Facing my dastardly nemesis. We stared at each other - me with my bright hazel eyes full of loathing, she with her hard, white face drawn and ready to commit the worst sort of torture. Ah, the ever dreaded scale.
When I first came to Grand Forks, I was not exactly in a good place. In life, in general, in the fitness realm, in my eating habits. After losing 33 pounds within a 5-month time frame, there was an entire month of general apathy towards fitness. Coupled with emotional anarchy, my waistline certainly wasn't whittling away. I stalled at the number 33 and hovered just over the halfway mark of my ultimate goal of losing 60 pounds.
This is life, right? I can be honest and spew my feelings into blogosphere oblivion, right? I was sick of caring. I was sick of worrying about food. If I had to hear the term freggies one more time, I SWEAR! I was just so tired of the effort. I didn't slide all the way back to my lets-eat-an-entire-frozen-pizz
twelve-sedentary-hours ways. But I did start adding one too many pizza nights to my monthly menu plan. And one too few fitness nights. Every once in awhile I would remember that I was supposed to be eating green things...
And then a couple of weeks ago, I realized something. I DID want to accomplish my goals. So many things in my life are only half-way complete. I have the opportunity to see this thing through and make myself into a healthy and hot woman. If I don't do this now - right NOW - then I will look back at myself in ten years and ask why. Why couldn't you have just seen it through? You were so close! Once you were in the routine of things, it was downright easy! Why did you let it slide?
So I started simply, by eating right and downing the freggies again. I forgot how much I actually LIKE strawberries. And then I joined a gym and have made it a point to go to at least 2 fitness classes a week. And I did that for two weeks before I acknowledged that I hadn't stepped on a scale in nearly two months.
I felt heavier. And I really didn't want to do it. But facing up to our own decisions is half the battle in this fitness war, isn't it? So I took the step. And to my surprise, I was down 2 pounds. I'm not doing a happy dance or anything, because it could have been 12-18 pounds in the last 2 months, but it made me happy to realize that I hadn't lost any of my progress. And that, if I start again, I CAN and will do this thing.
Also, yesterday I was wearing some baggyish pants and decided to belt them up. Unfortunately, my belt was baggier than the pants. Time for a trip to the thrift store, I guess.
Small victories, big changes.