Friday, July 27, 2012
So I had been on a 5 day streak of healthy eating. When I start something I am always full of determination and gusto, I think I'm ready to do this and follow it through..... and then I fall off the wagon.
While I was pregnant and after I had K., I wasn't paying much attention to my eating habits. I made sure that I ate some healthy foods, but it wasn't my primary focus. One of my first pregnancy symptoms was a huge increase in appetite. I even remember the moment I realized something was up with me, when in the beginning of December I went out to eat at the Olive Garden with my roommate. Like the "Very Hungry Caterpillar", I ate my way through an entire appetizer, the table-sized bowl of salad, a basket of bread sticks, my entire entree, and dessert without batting an eye or getting a tummy ache. Thus began my weight gain.
I gained 45-50 lbs while I was pregnant, tipping the scales at 209 by the time I went in to deliver. This was in addition to the extra 10 lbs I had on me when I got pregnant. I light heartedly blamed my fiance for the first 10 lbs, and joked with him that I wish I could go back to being single, sad, and skinny.
Once K. was born I lost every bit of the baby weight initially, until all that was left were the 10 extra lbs that I started with. Breastfeeding and getting so engrossed in my baby boy's care that I forgot meals seemed to suit me fine. However, breastfeeding slows and time begins to return, and so I went from forgetting to eat to just plain not paying attention to what I was fueling my body with. Enter 15 lbs.
So as K. approaches his first birthday and I am staring down my last year of college (to include student teaching this semester), I feel like it is time to do this. Time to lose the weight. I used sparkpeople back in 2006 and lost 30 lbs of southern cooking and eating out all the time, so I thought it would be a good tool to use this time around too. So far I think I have five paragraphs of digressing though.
So I did well for five days. Then Wednesday it was mommy and K. day, because daddy had work and rock climbing (which he does every week). Well, K. has been trying to cut his 1st molars and had a growth spurt to boot, so after he went to bed I binged. I had already faltered at lunch, when I went out with my dad for pizza. I was shaky because I felt like I could have binged but didn't. At the end of the day though I had it. I had a rough day parenting and I was finishing homework and studying for a midterm and I impulsively decided to order a pizza... and ate the whole thing by myself. I definitely felt sick afterwards, and I felt like a failure. I couldn't even make it a week, but I consoled myself by remembering that tomorrow was another day.
Then Thursday turned into a failure too. After consuming so many calories on Wednesday I thought maybe I should wait until I got hungry to eat, which was a mistake because it threw me off of my routine. I ended up eating soup for lunch even though I didn't feel hungry, which was fine. Then I was ravenous by afternoon and got a snack attack bad and blew it again, eating a bunch of gas station food on my way to class, and then my teacher gave us each a bag of m & m's as part of a method lesson involving mathematical manipulatives.
The only nice thing I can say about the past 2 days is that I drank at least 8 glasses of water each day. I have to give myself that credit.
At any rate, I'm back to it today. Stepping on the scale I can see that it hasn't effected me in the short term, I am still 175 on the mark. I know that this is going to take perseverance, and I want this. I have always struggled with my confidence, but I know that the times I have felt best about myself is when I was a healthy weight and physically active. I want that feeling back, so that I can keep up with my son, pursue an active hobby and look stunning in my wedding dress next summer. I've GOT to do this!!