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The healthier I eat, the more my spouse's diet bothers me

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I'm happy to report that I'm starting to look thinner (to myself) again. When I look in the mirror, I see thinner arms and a thinner face. When lying in bed, I see thinner FEET.
I don't see thinner legs and butt, because I don't see them a lot (most of my mirror gazing is shoulders-up), but I *FEEL* loser pants (LOVE that!).
I worked my tail off yesterday, so hubbs was on his own. But when left to his own devices, his diet is AWFUL. He eats like a 10-year old. Yesterday, he chose mac n' cheese, 2 bowls of cereal (with half & half!!! not milk!) and potato chips with sour cream & onion dip. This is no exaggeration, this was exactly what he ate yesterday, everything all day, in order of consumption.
When we talked about it, I asked him why he would eat this way. He shugged and said sheepishly "I don't have anything else". I reminded him that on our last trip to the grocery store (TOGETHER) we just bought about 10 preportioned servings of frozen fish, and frozen vegetables. Good, healthy food, to which he can add any type of sauce or spice he wished. We are well stocked.
He said "That's YOUR food. I can't eat YOUR food!"
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I assured him I'd rather he ate "MY" food than what he did eat. We can buy more. And even though we have only one car now, he can certainly drive it to the store and buy something for dinner.
The problem is, we always seem to fall into this mother-child paradigm where I buy healthy foods that I want us both to eat, and HE buys junk food or "treats" like chips, ice cream, pastries... anything other than what would be considered part of a healthy, planned meal. Like that part is MY job exclusively.
In frustration, I asked him what he would do if he lived on his own. He grinned and looked a little embarrassed... even though it was a serious question.

Folks, the guy is over 40, never exercises, and smokes. He doesn't get medical or dental checkups. If I were being kind, I'd describe it as "Spartan"; if I were being funny, I'd say "caveman".
In actuality, it is serious. And not good. And I feel helpless to change him.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PIICHII 8/13/2012 12:30PM

    I feel like you are talking about my husband. We always fall into the mother-child crap. It's been 3 years of marriage. Sadly I am thinking it may need to stop. I can't change him and I don't want him to make me into a Mother for him when he has his own.

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EMMAEKAY 7/28/2012 7:22PM

    We are powerless to change others - we can either inspire them or leave them to their own devices.

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KAYLA0041 7/28/2012 12:11PM

    the only person you can change is you - we all want those around us to be healthy but unfortunately they have to want it for themselves.

I have no idea how to get past the frustration caused by the need to have them be healthy and their lack of desire to try - I need to lose 10 lbs my DH needs to lose 50-80 or more (he refuses to get on a scale) and I am the one busting my butt at the gym everyday and eating healthy while he makes peanut butter cookies for dinner and tries to convince me to watch tv with him instead of going to the gym.

Maybe if he sees your progress it will drive him to become a healthier person for you...that is the dream I am clinging to.

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MBSHAZZER 7/27/2012 3:09PM

    Oh, yeah, that is irritating. I am in a similar situation. We were once going out to dinner with a friend and BF cooked a steak less than an hour before we left the house! He cannot go 30 minutes without eating! Sometimes it's healthy, but just toooooo much. Other times it's just plain not healthy.

The kicker for me is that last week, he complained that there was no food ready to eat in the fridge (I usually batch cook on the weekends but have been super busy lately). So, last Friday night, after working all week and then diving in to a HUGE pile of work for our own business, I cooked up a big pot of beans and greens at his request. We each had a bowl for dinner and then he did not touch it the rest of the week (I would have eaten it but I was sick all week). I was furious - aside from the waste of the food, which pains me, it's a HUGE waste of my TIME! GRRRR!

You've touched a nerve, clearly! :D

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OBIESMOM2 7/27/2012 10:33AM

    well...DH doesn't smoke. And he is good about going to the dr/dentist. But other than that, I have the same problem that you do.

He will eat healthy if I prepare the meal. When he's not with me, it's either Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice (when he's 'trying to eat right') or fast food. And he always indulges in whatever...milkshakes, candy bars, chips, etc.

He can lose the weight. He got down to a healthy weight years ago, when we were just friends. He did Nutri System. So of course when he went off the pre-packaged food he gained everything back.

I agree with Miss B - until they are willing, there will be no changing them. All I can do is make healthy meals. What he does when I'm not around is out of my control.

Comment edited on: 7/27/2012 10:34:47 AM

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_UMAMI_ 7/26/2012 7:45PM

    OMG, I'm in the same situation. (except we *do* have kids and that's where the "treats" sneak in---into the house, and into me as well)
My husband claims he LOVES salads, but, left to his devices, it's three bean and cheese burritos for his dinner. Or he'll just snack on cheese and meat all day. He *does* cook for himself and us at times, but he's definitely a comfort-food-only guy much of the time.

Please advise if you figure out something that works! I'm tired of being the food cop around here, too! I have to HIDE food from him, so we'll have it for a meal I've planned.....

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MISSB8604 7/26/2012 1:23PM

    You may not be able to change him if he's unwilling. All you can do is show him by your example and do the best you can in supporting him. At the end of the day, he makes his own decisions and nagging will not make him change.

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PHEBESS 7/26/2012 11:22AM

    It's totally frustrating, isn't it? Even a burger and fries would be better than chips and dip.

I don't know what to tell you, except that DH is like that too. Well, he's the burger and fries guy - and it's a triple bacon burger, hold the lettuce and pickle.

Sounds to me like he really doesn't want to cook, so he goes for the easy and convenient food. Maybe he needs to stock up on some canned beans, or peanut butter and multigrain bread.

And they wonder why we look so good!

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LINDSEYHS31 7/26/2012 10:47AM

    Wow, this is a tough situation. My husband doesn't eat that great, drinks a little too much for my likening and refuses to go to the doctor and dentist. However, your husband's high fat diet in combination with the smoking would make me very concerned as well. Since I have started eating healthier, he knows that dinner will be. I make his lunch for him and will throw in a treat so he doesn't feel deprived. I don't know if your husband is overweight, mine is not, so it makes it a tad bit harder to convince him to eat healthier. Maybe if you explain to him that you love him and want to spend as much time as possible with him and his current behavior trends threaten that time, he will understand. Just a suggestion..... keep us all posted!
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