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how the tide changes

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

before i was feeling on a high as lotfi and the boys are coming home tonight(should be here in the next 4 hours)went out to get some shopping and now i am on a bit of a downer and also abit annoyed at lotfiu and my sil,infact at fast all my family and friends.when i was out i bump into a friend who i haven´t seen since she had her baby 14 months ago so she hasn´t seen my face and somehow didn´t even know about it.the first thing she asked me when she saw me after our greeting one another was."have you just come from the dentist?"i said "no,why?" she said "your face looks as if it is numb as from the dentist when he numbs your face.it looks sort of funny" so i then explain about my facial parilise.but it put me totally on a downer.i don´t see myself talk so i can´t really see how it looks when i talk and all my family and friends say you hardly notice it now only if you really look.if i didn´t know you had it i wouldn´t even notice but as i do i am aware ofi can see it if i really look."so they have obviously all be lieing to me if my friend noticed that it is the first thing she commented on.it makeing me wonder if i should even bother putting on my new make up i brought .i am not a make up person in fact i could count on one hand or should i say on two fingers how many times i had worn makeup before i married lotfi but he likes me in makeup so i thought as a nice surprize i would buy and put on new ones for him.now i don´t even feel like it anymore as i am sure it will only emphersize the differance in the sides of the face.it has also made me self concious again just as i had stopped feeling self concious round people i know.i still feel self concious round strangers.i wonder if this feeling of self concious will ever go away.will i ever feel even relatively normal again.susie i know you read my blogs love i want to ask for your honest opinion as obviously my family has been lying to me love.is my facial paralise still noticable?i know it os better than it was when it first happened ,but how noticible is it when you saw me on skype the other week?i am just feeling so uncertain and unsecure since meeting hajah in the street today.it is so amazing how my feeling can so change from how it was this morning and earlier in the day.i know as soon as i see lotfi and the boys again i am going to be so happy and excited but in the meantime i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.am i such a superfiscial person?i never saw me as being superfiscal before all this with my face.anyway just had to get it off my chest before it eats me up inside.i feel better for getting it out in the open.anyway going to do my hair now while i decide if i will put on makeup or not.thanks once again for listening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Karen, my heart goes out to you. I agree with what the others have said. Hold your head high and ignore what happened. Wish I could give you a hug in person but will send this instead emoticon
    1961 days ago
    Karen, you are such a wonderful person !
    1962 days ago
    Karen darling !!.
    To be honest I didn't even notice your face was any different .
    It is such a sweet loving face and I love it ..
    Ignore what that most unpleasant and tactless woman said .. and wear your make up!! .
    Stand tall and proud and be your self !.
    ! Lotfi loves you your boys love you ... and if he likes you to wear make up do so ..
    This will be so wonderful having all your men home again ..
    As others have said... be yourself don't worry about other spiteful people ...
    Just get on with your life my darling know that you are loved by many of us ..
    Much love always Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1964 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/25/2012 6:47:59 PM
    First of all, emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon !

    Second of all, accept the way you are! If there is nothing that can be done about it, you are wasting precious energy that could be used on other things!

    Thirdly, don't worry about what others say! You are the one who matters and your opinion of yourself is what really counts!

    And lastly, we are always here for you!

    Now, straighten out that spine and show your family how happy you are to have them back!!!

    1965 days ago
  • -SONIA-
    Being self-conscious doesn't make you superficial. It's a normal human emotion. I'm the same way with worrying what people really think. Sometimes saying what they think you want to hear isn't really what's best for you. Honesty is important, and there are ways to be honest and kind at the same time. I'm sorry you're feeling down today. ((( BIG HUGS ))) from your TRUE friends here on Spark! emoticon emoticon
    1965 days ago
    How rude. I think ur sil is like my sil.
    Just let her be.
    God balances everything...and u nvr stoop down to her level.
    One thing I can say fo sure...sil has Major issues.
    1965 days ago
    Oh honey, I can't see you but it doesn't matter. Anyone who's first comment is something like that strikes me as a bit catty. I would take it with a grain of salt. Some people just LOOK for negative things to say.

    You are a beautiful person, inside and out. You need to believe that.

    1965 days ago
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