how the tide changes
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
before i was feeling on a high as lotfi and the boys are coming home tonight(should be here in the next 4 hours)went out to get some shopping and now i am on a bit of a downer and also abit annoyed at lotfiu and my sil,infact at fast all my family and friends.when i was out i bump into a friend who i haven´t seen since she had her baby 14 months ago so she hasn´t seen my face and somehow didn´t even know about it.the first thing she asked me when she saw me after our greeting one another was."have you just come from the dentist?"i said "no,why?" she said "your face looks as if it is numb as from the dentist when he numbs your face.it looks sort of funny" so i then explain about my facial parilise.but it put me totally on a downer.i don´t see myself talk so i can´t really see how it looks when i talk and all my family and friends say you hardly notice it now only if you really look.if i didn´t know you had it i wouldn´t even notice but as i do i am aware ofi can see it if i really look."so they have obviously all be lieing to me if my friend noticed that it is the first thing she commented on.it makeing me wonder if i should even bother putting on my new make up i brought .i am not a make up person in fact i could count on one hand or should i say on two fingers how many times i had worn makeup before i married lotfi but he likes me in makeup so i thought as a nice surprize i would buy and put on new ones for him.now i don´t even feel like it anymore as i am sure it will only emphersize the differance in the sides of the face.it has also made me self concious again just as i had stopped feeling self concious round people i know.i still feel self concious round strangers.i wonder if this feeling of self concious will ever go away.will i ever feel even relatively normal again.susie i know you read my blogs love i want to ask for your honest opinion as obviously my family has been lying to me love.is my facial paralise still noticable?i know it os better than it was when it first happened ,but how noticible is it when you saw me on skype the other week?i am just feeling so uncertain and unsecure since meeting hajah in the street today.it is so amazing how my feeling can so change from how it was this morning and earlier in the day.i know as soon as i see lotfi and the boys again i am going to be so happy and excited but in the meantime i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.am i such a superfiscial person?i never saw me as being superfiscal before all this with my face.anyway just had to get it off my chest before it eats me up inside.i feel better for getting it out in the open.anyway going to do my hair now while i decide if i will put on makeup or not.thanks once again for listening.