Well, we had our time at the lake. Had a blast!!! However, it was miserable hot so there was minimal outside time. We did get out on pontoon each evening to enjoy the lake. We love their little lake--so quaint and peaceful!! It was different without my dad there but we had some fun talks and memories about him. Got together with some cousins I never get to see. That was fun too--lots of memory lane stuff there, too.
We received shocking news right before we left: my daughter is pregnant with baby #3!!! They have talked off and on about another baby but nothing had been said in a LONG time so I figured they would be happy with their 2. WRONG!!! She's not very far along and is feeling awful. She had no sickness with #1; little fleeting episodes with #2; and now this one is making her pretty tired and miserable. As of right now, they are not going to find out the gender. They each come from a family of 2 kids so they say this is their adventure baby!!! :) Of course, we are thrilled but, as a mom, I worry about my daughter. More babysitting for me as she heads to doctor visits!!
We had the engagement party for my son and his fiance. What fun!!! Lots of people to meet--mostly her family and family friends. They are so cute together and, I think they are good for each other. We love her family! I am so blessed! Life is good.
Life is good but my weight leaves a lot to be desired!! I am almost at my all time high!! No, I have not changed my ticker!! I don't need to see that every time I log on and you definitely don't need to see it. OK. So now what???
Here's the down and dirty. I have been on Spark since December 2009 and have lost no weight. Obviously, I have gained at this point although I have gone up and down by 5 pounds or so. I know what I need to do. I've read the book. I've read the blogs. I'm just, for whatever reason, not living what I know. I am not consistent with exercise or food intake. I feel wonderful when I am on track so why do I keep getting off track??? I don't like the way I feel bumping along but it seems too much of a decision and commitment to stay on those tracks. The only time in my life I have lost weight was when I went to Jenny Craig. I could keep it off for 3 years or so before it crept back on. I don't want to eat Jenny Craig food, meet with a counselor and pay all of that money...........I should be able to do this myself!!
Now, dear friends, I love you all!!!! I love reading your blogs; I love communicating with you; I love supporting you and cheering you on; I love it when you support me and cheer me on. However, my motivation needs to be internal and right now it's not. Don't know why; don't know when or if it will return. I would love to lose this weight by son's wedding next July but not so in love with that idea that I'm getting off my butt or eliminating some crap food from my diet. "Watching portions" is what I call it : I watch all the portions go in!! I have all sorts of rationales as I'm sure you all do.
So there you have it. Here I am again (still). Sometimes I feel like such a liar being on this site. I have not really committed to this journey; heck, I haven't even committed to getting on the path!
I am not depressed about this situation. I am feeling very clear headed and somewhat relieved to admit this to myself (I'm not crazy about sharing it with you guys)
I know I need to work through this--something I haven't done yet. Why do I resist this? Why do I feel like I'm a child saying "I'll show you!!! I won't walk this week!" Cutting off my nose to spite my face--but why? I also wonder if I use this as an excuse instead of just doing it in spite of myself! (Poor me! I can't get it together! WAA! WAA!) When I say that I may be letting myself off the hook. YIKES! Do we have a psychologist out there that could give me some input?????