Ok, I can finally admit that the last six months of effort has been pure drudgery on my part. I have not been excited about the prospect of losing weight, and it showed in my approach.
Why wasn't I excited?
Well, that's easy. Before my hip surgery in 2010, I was down to 228. After my hip surgery, I gained 10 pounds and freaked out. But that was only temporary, and I quickly got back down and reached 224...my lowest weight since 2004.
But then I injured my knee, which for some reason was way worse mentally and emotionally than my hip injury. The pain was so constant and draining, that it was all I could do to get myself out the door to work. I gained. Not 10 pounds this time, but 37. Devastated, I fell into depression.
In January I realized that I had to do something or I would continue to spiral downward. So I hired a trainer and let him tell me what to do. I made my dietician tell me what to eat. I did nothing for myself - I didn't care enough to be motivated. I simply cared enough to stop gaining.
In what could be considered some of my slowest weight loss ever, I managed to lose some of those pounds. About 10 days ago, I reached 238 - that "freak out" point of 2010. Suddenly, 224 was within reach again. I started to think I could that low point and keep going. Motivation returned...
I started self-regulating my food intake, staying in range somehow even when I didn't track. (Wow.) I started hopping on my bike and going for rides. I hit the gym even when I didn't have a session with the trainer. I showed up early for my sessions and warmed up with sprints, and stayed late when the sessions were over and practiced my swim strokes.
Today the scale read 234.6. It's really happening!! I'm really losing weight. (Not that I wasn't before, but it didn't register. I don't know why, but I felt very detached from the whole thing.) I now have just over 10 pounds to lose to reach that lowest weight since 2004 once again. And I can lose 10 pounds. I know I can.
I'm paying more attention to what I'm wearing. I'm on the lookout for cute additions to my wardrobe. I'm smiling at myself again. Whatever cloud that hung over me is dissipating, and I have hope once again.
When I reach 225, I will take a day off of work and revamp my closet. I can't wait.
It's going to be so much fun!!