What is your red bird? AND.. what does your red bird mean to you? Please read further to figure out what I am talking about.
This is a long one.. but I hope you read it and see if you can find out what your Red Bird is :)
I know, I know .. it has been too long since I have blogged. Thank you to all of you who have nudged me to blog again.
I don't write many blogs.. so when I do they are pretty long.
For those of you who have followed some of my blogs in the past you know that I am hypothyroid and type 2 diabetic. I also suffer with insomnia from time to time. This past month has been horrible with my insomnia... which has led to moodiness, lethargy, less energetic exercise, sometimes no exercise, having more cravings AND THE SCALE NOT BUDGING MUCH. It is usually around this time in my previous weight loss attempts that I start to fizzle out and let the demands of life over take me like the weeds over taking a garden that isn't tended to daily.
There are some of us who believe there are no coincidences and that what is.. is well .. just WHAT IS. Then there are some of us who believe that things happen for a reason and that there are no coincidences.
I have had phases in my life where I became so lost where I would start thinkin WHAT IS.. JUST IS. But series of events would take place that would always bring me right back to the lovely realm of Hope and Splendor that surrounds many of us dreamers.
So, like I was saying for the month of July I haven't been feeling all that well-physically, spiritually, emotionally.....
It was time for me to head to the doc's office for some more blood work to see what is going on with me. As many of you know from previous blogs... I am not a big fan of doctor's offices for many reasons. The biggest reason being I have no insurance and it is so expensive. I also told you guys how much I love my new Nurse Practitioner in one of my previous blogs. I don't love her costs, though. For the past two months I keep getting a new bill every 3 weeks or so telling me I owe more and more money on previous visits and I have been so upset some days I haven't even wanted to get out of bed worrying about these bills and several other problems that are going on right now with my family. That is for another day.
There have been so many bad things happen this month to me and those I love that I don't even want to blog about those. I want to get to the good stuff!!! Do you guys wanna hear the good stuff?? Let's get to that Red Bird.
I was really excited last week when my husband told me he was going to be home this week.. I was like YAY MY BIG PROTECTOR CAN ACCOMPANY ME TO THE DOC OFFICE AND ASK THE BILLING DEPARTMENT WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE CHARGES :) I hate confrontation. I seriously do. I already suffer from social anxiety.... and then for me to have to confront someone about something--- NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE.. DID I SAY NIGHTMARE????!!!?!?!?!?
Well hubz found out he had to work this week after all.. all the way in IOWA.. that is far away from Tejas :( We sure could use the money, though-- so off he went. This morning I woke up with confidence and told myself that I was going to be just fine and I could handle the doc office and the billing department all on my own!! Easier said than done-- as soon as I got in the car and pulled out of my drive way the sense of dread spread down my head, out my fingertips, and landed right in the pit of my stomach. As I was driving down the road .............. OH WAIT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE RED BIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my life .. remember how I was telling you about how I believe everything happens for a reason... and before I have told you that the Universe, G_d, Yah, Jehovah, YHWH, the Divine... whatever He is to you... well remember how I told you before how to "Be still and listen... you are being guided-- don't miss the messages!?" Well.. in my life there are a few things that happen to remind me that I am not alone and that there is something going on.
*If I see a Red Bird... I am reassured that I am not alone and that I am on the right path and that I am loved. Or that a decision that I had just made is the right one. (I love when I am sent a Red Bird .. and I usually always see it when I need it)
*If I see 2 Red Birds at the same time ... the message above x's 10!!! Once I saw a large group of red birds and they just kept criss crossing paths in front of me .. it was truly beautiful.
*If I hear the song HEY JEALOUSY-by The Gin Blossoms come on a random radio station... I am being told that I need to get in a better mood and that I am not alone and to get back or stay on track. (I have no idea why it is that song.... it has just always been there when I needed it to arrive)
*Almost every time I am in my car and I think about my husband's only sibling who committed suicide 2 years ago... one of these two songs will come on COLLIDE by Howie Day or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.
*If I have a dream with my father in it... I have to pay attention to what happens in that dream.. there is always a message. (My father was killed when I was 13) He even told me that my sister was pregnant with a little blue eyed boy before she told anyone she was pregnant. When I told her what my dad said in the dream she freaked out. She wasn't going to keep the baby. Blessed be.. today my blue eyed nephew is 12 years old!
There are more... but I don't want to make this already long blog a complete novel.
So back to where we were about me getting on the road this morning heading to the doctor's office. I was starting to feel really bummed.. total dread .. total loneliness and despair. I got on the highway... NOW I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN THIS ON THE HIGHWAY. A beautiful Red Bird flew right in front of my windshield then turned and flew back in the other direction. I was so happy!!!! I was sent my Red Bird right when I needed it.. and on the HIGHWAY. Low flying it was so close to my windshield I am surprised I didn't hit it.
So .. I walked into the office with confidence and even though several things happened that could have brought me down I would just close my eyes and say THANK YOU THANK YOU to my Yah for reminding me that I am not alone. After my blood work I went to the billing department to ask what all of the extra bills were that I was being sent. I kindly spoke to the woman and just asked for some clarification and she was such a MEANIE!!! Now .. the old me would have just started bawling crying right there. I remained calm .. bid her a nice day.. and I went on my way. I paid part of my enormous bill and then went out to my car.
I immediately started questioning whether or not I could make it to my Thursday appointment to go over the blood work and adjust my meds if necessary, etc.. I had been fasting so after being at the doc's office for so long I decided I needed to go get something to eat and something quick as my blood sugar was getting super low.
Well.. wouldn't ya know it??? The Taco Bell was right by my bank. I had to go to the bank to get basically all the money I had in there so that I could cover my doctor's visit on Thursday. I pulled right into Taco Bell and without wasting a breath I quickly ordered me some of those new Doritos Locos tacos. I hadn't had them before .. I was so upset about the billing department lady that I didn't even care what I ordered. I rarely eat out. So I get my food and set it in the seat next to me and I head to the Walmart parking lot because I needed to pick up a few things.
I sat in the car and ate the first taco.. not bad, I thought. While I was eating I started thinking to myself.. I SHOULD JUST GO RIGHT OVER THERE TO THAT SHOPPING CENTER AND SPEND ALL THAT MONEY I GOT FROM THE BANK. TELL THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE TO STICK IT. I SHOULD GO GET ME SOME SHOES.. AND A NEW PURSE.. HEY... I SHOULD GO OVER THERE AND GET MY HAIR DONE....
As I reached for the next taco I stopped myself. I put the taco back in the bag. I turned on the car and I headed out of the parking lot.. told myself that EVEN IF THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE COSTS A LOT.. I STILL NEED TO DO THAT.. AND I DON'T NEED TO GO BLOW ALL THIS MONEY ON STUFF THAT WON'T REALLY MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!!
Just when I was about to turn out of the Walmart Parking lot I saw something new :) The most beautiful SOLID RED BUTTERFLY!!! It flew right in front of my windshield and seemed to just stay there for a few seconds before I had to push on the gas as to not disrupt the driver behind me. I smiled so big... I said THANK YOU THANK YOU for letting me know I made the right decision by just leaving that parking lot and not going and doing something stupid.
So.. I was driving down the highway when the song GOOD LIFE by ONE REPUBLIC came on the local radio station. Here are some of the lyrics:
"We all gotta story so please tell me-e-e
What there's to complain about
When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in
This has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
I say oh
Got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life"
As I sat there beating my hands on the steering wheel to the beat and singing along to the words I thought to myself I REALLY AM BLESSED, I AM LOVED, I DON'T HAVE IT SO BAD...
and then I started to get scared about going back to college in 5 weeks after a 12 year hiatus!
When all the sudden::::::::::::::::::::
The radio went static for like 1 second and a woman's voice said, "GOOD TIMES ARE YET TO COME..." ::::::::static.. then back to the ONE REPUBLIC song...
I was thinking.. THAT IS WEIRD THIS STATION NEVER GOES STATIC... BUT THAT WAS A NICE LITTLE MESSAGE..
I went back to singing along with the song :)
... then just a couple of minutes later :::::::::::static::::::: and then the same woman's voice said, "GOOD THINGS ARE STILL TO BE DONE." ::::::::static:::::: then back to song.
That time I was like DID THAT JUST HAPPEN??
DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???????!?!?!?!?!?
Heck yes, it did. I was in awe. I was almost home a few minutes later ..and this beautiful orange butterfly hovered in front of my windshield and I just smiled ELATED THAT I WAS NOT ALONE.. AND THAT I WAS LOVED.. Then another butterfly flew by.. a huge black and yellow one. So beautiful.
I came home and felt like a new woman. The stress of the past month started to fade. I felt calm. When I saw my mother later I told her about my day and we both cried a bit :)
So, some of you may say--- SO WHAT IT'S JUST A BIRD AND SOME BUTTERFLIES.. AND SO WHAT YOUR RADIO MESSED UP FOR A MINUTE..
You can take it that way if you want....and YOU MAY SAY I'M A DREAMER... but you know what????
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!
(that's a John Lennon reference btw...lol-- I know there is a small group of you who might have missed that little nugget)
So, I am curious. If you are a dreamer.. like me. If you live your life with your heart...
What is your Red Bird? How have you been shown that you are not alone?
::::::::If you made it this far... Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I really appreciate your support.
here is a distorted photo my husband took of me.. I like that it is all blurry and dreamy looking.
THANK YOU FOR READING, FROM THE DREAMER