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What is your Red Bird??

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

What is your red bird? AND.. what does your red bird mean to you? Please read further to figure out what I am talking about.

This is a long one.. but I hope you read it and see if you can find out what your Red Bird is :)

I know, I know .. it has been too long since I have blogged. Thank you to all of you who have nudged me to blog again.

I don't write many blogs.. so when I do they are pretty long.

For those of you who have followed some of my blogs in the past you know that I am hypothyroid and type 2 diabetic. I also suffer with insomnia from time to time. This past month has been horrible with my insomnia... which has led to moodiness, lethargy, less energetic exercise, sometimes no exercise, having more cravings AND THE SCALE NOT BUDGING MUCH. It is usually around this time in my previous weight loss attempts that I start to fizzle out and let the demands of life over take me like the weeds over taking a garden that isn't tended to daily.

There are some of us who believe there are no coincidences and that what is.. is well .. just WHAT IS. Then there are some of us who believe that things happen for a reason and that there are no coincidences.

I have had phases in my life where I became so lost where I would start thinkin WHAT IS.. JUST IS. But series of events would take place that would always bring me right back to the lovely realm of Hope and Splendor that surrounds many of us dreamers.

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So, like I was saying for the month of July I haven't been feeling all that well-physically, spiritually, emotionally.....

It was time for me to head to the doc's office for some more blood work to see what is going on with me. As many of you know from previous blogs... I am not a big fan of doctor's offices for many reasons. The biggest reason being I have no insurance and it is so expensive. I also told you guys how much I love my new Nurse Practitioner in one of my previous blogs. I don't love her costs, though. For the past two months I keep getting a new bill every 3 weeks or so telling me I owe more and more money on previous visits and I have been so upset some days I haven't even wanted to get out of bed worrying about these bills and several other problems that are going on right now with my family. That is for another day.

There have been so many bad things happen this month to me and those I love that I don't even want to blog about those. I want to get to the good stuff!!! Do you guys wanna hear the good stuff?? Let's get to that Red Bird.

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I was really excited last week when my husband told me he was going to be home this week.. I was like YAY MY BIG PROTECTOR CAN ACCOMPANY ME TO THE DOC OFFICE AND ASK THE BILLING DEPARTMENT WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE CHARGES :) I hate confrontation. I seriously do. I already suffer from social anxiety.... and then for me to have to confront someone about something--- NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE.. DID I SAY NIGHTMARE????!!!?!?!?!?


Well hubz found out he had to work this week after all.. all the way in IOWA.. that is far away from Tejas :( We sure could use the money, though-- so off he went. This morning I woke up with confidence and told myself that I was going to be just fine and I could handle the doc office and the billing department all on my own!! Easier said than done-- as soon as I got in the car and pulled out of my drive way the sense of dread spread down my head, out my fingertips, and landed right in the pit of my stomach. As I was driving down the road .............. OH WAIT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE RED BIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


In my life .. remember how I was telling you about how I believe everything happens for a reason... and before I have told you that the Universe, G_d, Yah, Jehovah, YHWH, the Divine... whatever He is to you... well remember how I told you before how to "Be still and listen... you are being guided-- don't miss the messages!?" Well.. in my life there are a few things that happen to remind me that I am not alone and that there is something going on.

*If I see a Red Bird... I am reassured that I am not alone and that I am on the right path and that I am loved. Or that a decision that I had just made is the right one. (I love when I am sent a Red Bird .. and I usually always see it when I need it)

*If I see 2 Red Birds at the same time ... the message above x's 10!!! Once I saw a large group of red birds and they just kept criss crossing paths in front of me .. it was truly beautiful.

*If I hear the song HEY JEALOUSY-by The Gin Blossoms come on a random radio station... I am being told that I need to get in a better mood and that I am not alone and to get back or stay on track. (I have no idea why it is that song.... it has just always been there when I needed it to arrive)

*Almost every time I am in my car and I think about my husband's only sibling who committed suicide 2 years ago... one of these two songs will come on COLLIDE by Howie Day or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.

*If I have a dream with my father in it... I have to pay attention to what happens in that dream.. there is always a message. (My father was killed when I was 13) He even told me that my sister was pregnant with a little blue eyed boy before she told anyone she was pregnant. When I told her what my dad said in the dream she freaked out. She wasn't going to keep the baby. Blessed be.. today my blue eyed nephew is 12 years old!

There are more... but I don't want to make this already long blog a complete novel.

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So back to where we were about me getting on the road this morning heading to the doctor's office. I was starting to feel really bummed.. total dread .. total loneliness and despair. I got on the highway... NOW I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN THIS ON THE HIGHWAY. A beautiful Red Bird flew right in front of my windshield then turned and flew back in the other direction. I was so happy!!!! I was sent my Red Bird right when I needed it.. and on the HIGHWAY. Low flying it was so close to my windshield I am surprised I didn't hit it.



So .. I walked into the office with confidence and even though several things happened that could have brought me down I would just close my eyes and say THANK YOU THANK YOU to my Yah for reminding me that I am not alone. After my blood work I went to the billing department to ask what all of the extra bills were that I was being sent. I kindly spoke to the woman and just asked for some clarification and she was such a MEANIE!!! Now .. the old me would have just started bawling crying right there. I remained calm .. bid her a nice day.. and I went on my way. I paid part of my enormous bill and then went out to my car.

I immediately started questioning whether or not I could make it to my Thursday appointment to go over the blood work and adjust my meds if necessary, etc.. I had been fasting so after being at the doc's office for so long I decided I needed to go get something to eat and something quick as my blood sugar was getting super low.

Well.. wouldn't ya know it??? The Taco Bell was right by my bank. I had to go to the bank to get basically all the money I had in there so that I could cover my doctor's visit on Thursday. I pulled right into Taco Bell and without wasting a breath I quickly ordered me some of those new Doritos Locos tacos. I hadn't had them before .. I was so upset about the billing department lady that I didn't even care what I ordered. I rarely eat out. So I get my food and set it in the seat next to me and I head to the Walmart parking lot because I needed to pick up a few things.

I sat in the car and ate the first taco.. not bad, I thought. While I was eating I started thinking to myself.. I SHOULD JUST GO RIGHT OVER THERE TO THAT SHOPPING CENTER AND SPEND ALL THAT MONEY I GOT FROM THE BANK. TELL THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE TO STICK IT. I SHOULD GO GET ME SOME SHOES.. AND A NEW PURSE.. HEY... I SHOULD GO OVER THERE AND GET MY HAIR DONE....

As I reached for the next taco I stopped myself. I put the taco back in the bag. I turned on the car and I headed out of the parking lot.. told myself that EVEN IF THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE COSTS A LOT.. I STILL NEED TO DO THAT.. AND I DON'T NEED TO GO BLOW ALL THIS MONEY ON STUFF THAT WON'T REALLY MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!!

Just when I was about to turn out of the Walmart Parking lot I saw something new :) The most beautiful SOLID RED BUTTERFLY!!! It flew right in front of my windshield and seemed to just stay there for a few seconds before I had to push on the gas as to not disrupt the driver behind me. I smiled so big... I said THANK YOU THANK YOU for letting me know I made the right decision by just leaving that parking lot and not going and doing something stupid.

So.. I was driving down the highway when the song GOOD LIFE by ONE REPUBLIC came on the local radio station. Here are some of the lyrics:

"We all gotta story so please tell me-e-e
What there's to complain about

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Oh
This has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

I say oh
Got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life"


--

As I sat there beating my hands on the steering wheel to the beat and singing along to the words I thought to myself I REALLY AM BLESSED, I AM LOVED, I DON'T HAVE IT SO BAD...

and then I started to get scared about going back to college in 5 weeks after a 12 year hiatus!

When all the sudden::::::::::::::::::::

The radio went static for like 1 second and a woman's voice said, "GOOD TIMES ARE YET TO COME..." ::::::::static.. then back to the ONE REPUBLIC song...

I was thinking.. THAT IS WEIRD THIS STATION NEVER GOES STATIC... BUT THAT WAS A NICE LITTLE MESSAGE..

I went back to singing along with the song :)

... then just a couple of minutes later :::::::::::static::::::: and then the same woman's voice said, "GOOD THINGS ARE STILL TO BE DONE." ::::::::static:::::: then back to song.

That time I was like DID THAT JUST HAPPEN??

DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???????!?!?!?!?!?

Heck yes, it did. I was in awe. I was almost home a few minutes later ..and this beautiful orange butterfly hovered in front of my windshield and I just smiled ELATED THAT I WAS NOT ALONE.. AND THAT I WAS LOVED.. Then another butterfly flew by.. a huge black and yellow one. So beautiful.

I came home and felt like a new woman. The stress of the past month started to fade. I felt calm. When I saw my mother later I told her about my day and we both cried a bit :)

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So, some of you may say--- SO WHAT IT'S JUST A BIRD AND SOME BUTTERFLIES.. AND SO WHAT YOUR RADIO MESSED UP FOR A MINUTE..

You can take it that way if you want....and YOU MAY SAY I'M A DREAMER... but you know what????

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!

(that's a John Lennon reference btw...lol-- I know there is a small group of you who might have missed that little nugget)

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So, I am curious. If you are a dreamer.. like me. If you live your life with your heart...

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What is your Red Bird? How have you been shown that you are not alone?

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::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
::::::::If you made it this far... Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I really appreciate your support.


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here is a distorted photo my husband took of me.. I like that it is all blurry and dreamy looking.

THANK YOU FOR READING, FROM THE DREAMER

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELWENDYMAMA 8/11/2012 7:25PM

    Just read the rest of it more carefully and I'm just glad you are getting and receiving signs. Thank you for reminding me.. I need to pay attention to them better.

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MANILUS 8/11/2012 7:25PM

    You are a strong lady to go through all that! Keep pushing and keep the faith! Monarch butterflies are my "red bird"!

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ANGELWENDYMAMA 8/11/2012 5:17PM

    Check.. read... ;) Love the story you told me in my blog today.. :)


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BOREDIMSO 7/31/2012 7:19PM

    Sweetie. I wish oh how I wish you would write more blogs. You have such a beautiful soul. I feel blessed that you shared this blog. As I read I kept telling myself "don't cry don't do it just keep it together" but I was bawling by the end of your blog. Most beautiful thing I've read. I kept looking for a save button--- I want to hang onto this forever. I am so glad you saw that red bird and then the red butterfly. Butterflies have a special meaning to me to. It's very rare to see them here in the city but the little white ones seem to keep finding me. I first noticed it one day when i got in the car. All the windows were rolled up, then suddenly a little white butterfly fluttered against my drivers side window. I was quite surprised and after admiring it I rolled the window down to set it free. Instead, it fluttering around the car, making a circle and floating in front of the windshield before it flew out. Every time I am outside-- on a walk or just spending time in my backyard or a Greg's parents yard-- a white butterfly always comes and flies around me. And every time I happen to be looking out a window I see one flying around outside. I thought, that's odd. I never noticed before how often you could see a little butterfly. I got warm little tingles inside and I had the thought "this is a message". Maybe it is maybe not but I get the best feeling whenever I see a little white butterfly like a warm gentle squeeze from a loved one. I'll take that! My 12 year old cousin passed away due to a car accident and at her funeral-- while we were all crying-- I looked up to see a beautiful Eagle circling us in the sky. It circled us through the entire service and I thought I was the only one who noticed until my Aunt pointed it out to everyone else and said it was a sign from Grandma Hopi-- that she would take care of her. In that moment, I had no doubt that was true. I know you could tell someone these little signs when you feel the veil lowered and the Splendor reaches through and touches you and they could just shrug and not think much of it but I feel so glad to have those moments in my life. I have never seen a red bird or a red butterfly in my life-- which makes those moments even more special. And you are right--- things happen just when you need them. You are on your path, keep listening, stay beautiful. P.S. I so wish I could have gone to the doctor with you-- for support and also to help you talk to the lady. But it is wonderful that you had the strength to face these things. I think these moments will make you stronger and stronger emoticon

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DAZZEEDOO 7/30/2012 6:57PM

    emoticon Love this story, I do believe that the Uniiverse sends us signs, and we have Guardians(Angels, Spirits, Faries- whatever you choose to call them) who whisper in our ear, and try to give us the head up if we'll hear it.
Believe it or not , my red bird is the smell of listerine and lysol- my grandmothers house in her old age. I still have dreams where I go visit her, and I swear I can smell the listerine and lysol. I always feel better the next day, after a "visit". We talk about current things going on in my life, and as always , she gives me her opinion-" but that's just what I think about it." I usually have a much clearer idea of the direction I'm heading. I also have a favorite bird, but bumble bees are the"critter" that I consider to ge a good sign.
Sorry your life was/is so stressful right now- everything will work out. You'll do great at school, and find your stride. May you continue to see the "signs" the tell you it all okay.
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DAOCCHICA 7/30/2012 3:14PM

    What an eye opening post... I have a feeling in the weeks to come I will be trying to figure out what my red bird is! Thank you so much for the inspiration :)

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BOGUSANNIE 7/27/2012 10:04AM

    "GOOD THINGS ARE STILL TO BE DONE." Love it!!

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WENDYLEE15 7/25/2012 11:46AM

    I really loved reading this blog. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and we need to try to stay in tune enough to see the signs..that are sometimes really subtle but always there within our reach !!My red bird comes to me in many forms..but I always recognize and welcome it with a smile:). We are so blessed in so many ways if only we look to all the things we do have to be grateful for.
Thanks so much for sharing..made me smile emoticon emoticon

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 7/25/2012 10:19AM

    Okay. So this blog has been on my mind ever since I read it upon waking yesterday morning. STILL thinking about it. I know I have those special harbingers, but I haven't seen them in so long they have been out of my consciousness. Last night as I was walking from my car to my home, I saw a bat, flitting back and forth around and over me and then over my house and away. This morning as I pulled into work, trying to work up the courage to go inside, three dragonflies were playing tag in front of my windshield. Back and forth, in and out and around. Bats and dragonflies have always been a special treat for me--a sign from the divine. My aunt in Florida has a pool we would swim in when visiting every summer. I used to love going out there at night, with the cicadas sawing up a storm. Every now and then, a bat would swoop down and grab either a gulp of water or a tiny bug floating on the surface. I guess most people would be freaked out by that, but to me it was a very special experience. I knew that bat could "see" better than I could and he wasn't going to touch me, since I'm not a tiny bug.

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FOXYJEN27 7/25/2012 9:39AM

    I don't know how to respond other than to say this is pretty awesome. Love ya. emoticon

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PASKALINI 7/25/2012 7:51AM

    Aww this blog makes me happy and sad I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with the mean billing lady. But I'm happy you know you're loved and you can stop and enjoy the beauty around you (birds and butterflies and life in general.)

Right now street construction is my red bird. I've been avoiding certain errands that involve confrontation and today street construction/detours plopped me right in front of the shop I need to go to. I handled my mini confrontation pretty well I think. I hope you have a much better day today :)

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SHOES17 7/25/2012 7:34AM

    So wild... I have a blog that is similar...but yet to be written... I am trying to catch much lost sleep. My grandmother nurse is coming to help me clean in the morning. I appreciated having the time to spend with her as I know it wont be long before she has another job... emoticon

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FOXY13445 7/24/2012 11:09PM

    great blog! enjoyed reading

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BERKCHIK 7/24/2012 9:51PM

    I believe. Synchronicity is very real. For me it always comes when least expected. I'm really glad you found some comfort and support in the beautiful creatures sent to you.

As for the woman at the doctor's office...that's not cool. You should not have to put up with someone being unkind or rude to you...those people are there to provide a service to you, and you pay for the service... they have NO right to treat you with other than the utmost courtesy and respect. Especially given the courage it took you to broach the billing dept in the first place, I think that you should seriously take a stand (for yourself and others) by writing to them and/or contacting your NP and the office manager directly to let them know of your experience.

You are a precious, rare resource. You deserve to be here. You deserve kindness and respect. You also deserve to be able to handle your issues, bills and others, with a calm. None of it will kill you--so don't give it the power to frighten you. Pay/do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Life has a way of working things out over time. But I wish you peace and serenity. It sounds like you could certainly use both.

Yah Bless!

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MSMOSTIMPROVED 7/24/2012 9:10PM

    That was beautiful and courageous. I believe whatever is for you, you will have. I also know that all of our challenges force us to grow or learn something new. I was reading this blog and hoping for a happy ending! I am so glad your red bird sent the visual reminders of how special You are and that you blogged today!

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FORBANDE 7/24/2012 9:08PM

    Well worth the wait and read! So symbolic and meaningful.

I'm glad you are sticking with it, glad you feel loved and most importantly, believe you are worth it! That is huge!!

It is all part of the bigger plan. It's just hard to remember and accept that it's not our plan.

Thanks for sharing this!!

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LOOZINITNOW 7/24/2012 7:26PM

    What an inspirational blog! My red bird comes in different forms but is always near.

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CKGO69 7/24/2012 3:18PM

    Rabbits are my red birds. It's funny, but I knew what you mean before I even started reading the post. I also think God talks to me through my iPod. That sounds all kinds of whacked out, but sometimes a song comes on with the message I need to hear at just the right time. There are no coincidences. Thanks for sharing.

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BOBCATGIRL76 7/24/2012 3:10PM

    This gave me chills. I need to figure out what my red bird is.

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JENNCABA 7/24/2012 12:53PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SJKENT1 7/24/2012 10:46AM

    Love the Red Bird...

hope you have the courage and strength to deal with the meanies out there. I would ask the woman why she felt the need to act so mean, especially since your business with them pays her salary. :-) then smile really big!

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 7/24/2012 10:19AM

    Thank you for this blog. I read it early this morning and have been thinking about it since. We only receive these messages when we allow our eyes, ears and hearts to be open.

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EMMACORY 7/24/2012 9:32AM

    Enjoyed your blog. If you have not read it you would enjoy Paula D'Arcy book "Gift of the Red Bird...the story of a divine encounter". We receive messages all day long if we open our heats torecieve them. Your heart os wode p[em/

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AWESOMEKATY 7/24/2012 9:13AM

    Hope and Splendor forever! Sometimes you canít control what happens to you but you can control your reaction to it and Iím glad you had a Red Bird to help you recognize that. I absolutely love how spiritual you are and itís very encouraging to believe in messages, Iím a big fan of those as well. And itís amazing the bird flew so close to your car! It wanted to make sure you saw it!! And great for you for controlling your urge to blow off the doctorís office, and another red flying critter wanted to support you! Thatís absolutely amazing!! And THEN the radio static! Oh my goodness God was really on your side and Iím so glad youíve had all these wonderful little signs to keep you positive and peppy!

I donít know if I have one thing that lets me know how blessed I am, but sometimes the mood just strikes me that everything will work out. Itís usually when Iím walking outside on a nice day and can just begin to unwind. I need to start paying closer attention to any signs in my life that alert me to goodness and positivity. I really like squirrels and am always elated when I see one, so maybe thatís my Red Bird haha!

So glad youíre feeling wonderful and I know you can keep that feeling up by just reminding yourself of days like this one!!


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VALYNN26 7/24/2012 7:37AM

    That was beautiful!! I am so proud of you and you inspire me so much. I am also a dreamer.I even have a bracelet that says "Follow Your Dreams" that's my motto. It doesn't matter how crazy something seems, if you want it bad enough, you go after it.Never give up on something you believe in. I believe that you have to be open minded & be able to read the signs. Everything is not black & white. Thanks so much for your friendship & inspiration. emoticon

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MSNOMOREFLUFFY 7/24/2012 2:07AM

    That was a beautifully poetic post. I'm glad that you reminded me that sometimes it is good to dream and think of the possibilities instead of being mired in the day to day working and wondering how bills will be paid. I wish you well with your health and finances. I can totally relate because we have many of the same issues. Hang in there and keep your head up. I believe everything happens for a reason too. emoticon

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MESAMA 7/24/2012 2:04AM

    I understand the stresses of life and the anxieties that come with health problems and the price it carries to take care of them and ourselves. BUT... I love the red bird reference for I too am a dreamer. The last month has been difficult but I have seen my "red bird" and you my dear... are one of them. You have been a shining light for me lately and give me so much hope. I want to keep dreaming and I treasure the friendship you have shown to me. Keep flying and dreaming, beautiful dreamer. I love ya!
emoticon Lots and lots of emoticon

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