Monday, July 23, 2012
I was in the dark. The draw of the dark is deceptive: quiet, private, intimate, comforting. But once you are in the dark you feel trapped, isolated and strangely out of control with out the light to guide you past obstacles in your path. You bump into things, stub your toes, fall over lose your balance, get hurt unless you just submit to the dark and stay in one spot, letting the darkness consume you til you become a part of it and it a part of you. You always intend it to be just a brief visit to the dark, but often lose your way and forget the goodness in the light. What awaits you depends on your choice: Stay in the dark letting your addiction envelope you believing the lies it whispers to you, soaking in the darkness until you cant tell where it ends and you begin ; or Find your way out of the dark, each persons path is different, but with out the light nothing grows, there is no chance for joy and life.
Your first step into the light is painful, so most resist it and fade back into the dark. Our eyes, burn so we must squint to begin to see even the faint outline of objects in our path. The warmth of the light tingles our skin and can be momentarily uncomfortable. But if we continue, commit and push through this temporary pain we will begin to see more clearly as our eyes adjust. We will see color again, remember joy, feel love, and most important question our choice to enter the darkness in the first place. But to avoid the darkness we must understand what made us enter it initially. Each trip in the dark can be triggered by different reasons, so we must know why to avoid doing it again.
Know it is always a choice to be in the light as much as it is a choice to be in the dark. But the dark lies to you with false promises, while the light never does. Everything may not be pretty and perfect in the light but it is the truth. The dark traps and consumes you, while the light frees you with the ability to see.
for me, my darkness follows me like my shadow, its never far from my side always whispering in my ears when the stress of life weighs heavy on my soul. But it seems the more i resist the dark the quieter it becomes, until my confidence has strengthened....and i become overconfident and cocky. I dip my toe in the darkness and fall into it like being sucked into a giant black hole, forgetting i am its prey and I am feeding it exactly what it wants. But to be brave isnt to ignore or pretend i never fall, to be brave i must accept my stumble, fight to get out and find the light. Start all over. Admit imperfection and allow it to be a part of my journey, but move forward always to the light...squinting for as long is necessary until i can again see color and feel joy.
Today I am squinting, my eyes are watering from the burning brightness of the light, but I will journey on.