Sunday, July 22, 2012
Today is the first day of week two of my two week evaluation period, as the title of this post says. I figured it was a good way to begin this post. *chuckles*
I'm posting this post while at work, which is new for me. I bought a Rogers WiFi Rocket so that I can have my own WiFi hub anywhere I go. I'll use it where there's no other signal that I'm able to use. I have WiFi at home, & so I don't need to use it there; nor at the library, nor at other places that offer free WiFi to their customers. I'm not going to be online all night at work, but sometimes it is nice to be able to have access during the super slow periods, which most nights have. As long as all the customers are served & taken care of & my work's done, or I'm not able to do it yet (like morning duties), it's fine for me to do other things to pass the time.
Tonight I'm blogging here at SP.
It's 2:35 AM at this moment, as I type the time, & it's the first time I've been able to sit down all night. It's been quite busy & I've not been able to finish my tasks 'til now. No worries. The time's going by quickly, & that's always a good thing at work.
Often at night, I've taken walks around the store in order to get in some exercise, but that's not been necessary tonight since I've made several trips to get products for customers. We have window service here from 10:55 PM 'til 6 AM, or 'til my replacement's arrived & is ready to have the door open, whichever comes first. I don't mind having the window service, most of the time.
Something I really don't understand, & never have, even when I was a teenager or young adult, is the thrill of being up 'til the wee hours of the morning. Mind you, I know that some studies have said that it's natural for younger people to be up later & all due to the changes in their systems, & so that'd explain that. But people who're past that stage? Hm! Well, it takes all kinds, really.
Someone said that it was odd of me to wonder that since I'm up all night most nights, &, yeah, I get the oddness of that. This is my job, though, & working all night is different than just hanging out at night. Once in a while, yeah, I get, but every night? Just doesn't make sense to me, but to others it does.
Just wondering as I type here. haha
Yes, I realised that I've gone down a rabbit trail from what I want for this post, & I return to it now.
One week ago today was the first day of my record keeping of every single item I've taken into my system. This, of course, does not count medication, but that hasn't come up at all. Y'all know what I mean - food & drink, no matter what it is. Also, I've been keeping track of the exercise I've done.
I started recording all of these things here on SP, but that lagged by the wayside as I'd be super tired when I got home from work, & then I wouldn't be up in time in the evening to do it, either. I didn't get my WiFi Rocket 'til Thursday, & I wasn't sure that it was password protected 'til Friday morning after I got home from work. So recording most of last week's intake here at SP didn't happen, much. I did write everything down, though, & that counts, too.
What an eye opener! Man alivin'! Last Sunday, my calories were over 5,000, & the next day, well under my recommended amount. I wasn't trying to hold back food to make up for what I'd done - it's just a pattern I've gotten into. Somedays I'll eat like crazy - & usually not good stuff - while on others, I'll eat very little. Much of this has to do with my energy levels & whether I'm bored or not. If I'm super tired, I won't eat much at all because it feels like a huge effort to get something to eat, even to grab a piece of fruit or a veggie. If I have the energy, then I tend to eat way too much, unless I do something active, & my activity levels have petered out a lot since last September.
My water intake's good, most days, but that's because I drink plenty at work. I've also been drinking a lot of milk lately, which I love, but it's been flavoured milk, & that has a lot of calories. Better than pop, I figured, until I looked at the sugar levels. Still, I drink it, & it's leading me back to drinking regular milk a lot more than pop. Some of you already know that Coca Cola's a dietary nemesis of mine, something that I've struggled with most of my life. Since grade 12, really, when I was at my highest levels - 5 to 8 cans a day each school day!!
My activity level's not been much, that's for sure! I did go for an hour long walk this week, &, as I wrote earlier in this post, I go for walks around the store. That gets boring, but at least I'm moving & getting in some exercise. Even 10 minutes a day is better than nothing at all.
As I enter my second & final week of this evaluation period, I have a feeling I'm going to start making changes in my intake, even though it's not part of my plan for this week period. That's all right - starting at any time is a good thing.
I've been part of SP for years. I was a member at one point, & then I left. Then I returned, & it's been a sporadic period of membership for me this time. I really & truly do want to change, & that's why I'm here. One person said that I don't want it badly enough because I don't stick with stuff, but that's not it. I do want it quite badly, but I start to see results & get scared of success on some level. Or I get bored with what I'm doing & don't think to change it up for variety & new challenges. I also tend to get discouraged if I don't see results fast enough for my liking, & then I figure nothing's happening - so why bother? Two of these come from my perfectionism along with issues from my past that I'm working through.
Most of the time I'm fine, but every so often something that I thought I'd dealt with, or something else altogether, pops up & I'm hit anew. Instead of working through the current issue, I'll often push it to the wayside & distract myself with other things, or I'll eat too much. I have a melancholy nature & tend to get quite down on myself. A lot of people wouldn't believe this, but it's true. I do put a positive spin on things because I've learnt that attitude is everything & it really makes or breaks a person. I am positive overall - a "glass if half full" kind of person, & I count my blessings.
Sometimes, though, I don't do this & let my depressed side come out & take over. This happens a lot less than it used to, & I'm so thankful for that. It happens more when I'm tired, & I've had a real struggle with depression this winter.
It hit me about a month or so ago that I'd been heading towards depression again, but my attitude started getting back to a positive one again before I arrived in the darkness. I truly thank God for stopping that from happening! I never want to go there again.
No, leaving depression is NOT an easy thing - I'd never say that. For me it was easier than for a lot of people, though, because mine's always based on my attitude & on how I'm looking at things just then. It's not chemically based, as I know some of my friends' depressions are. It's not something that a person can just "snap out of," despite what many people think, that's for sure! It's also not due to a lack of faith. I know some people who're very devout in whatever faith they practice, who're very strong in their particular faith, & they suffer with clinical depression. Just mentioning this.
In the past month or so, since I had that latest realisation, my attitude's changed back to a more positive & thankful one again. I prayed & thought about what I need to do to make a change, & then I remember something I've read in a few places that experts & others who've made lasting physical changes recommend & say that truly works as a starting point.
That is to do what I'm doing right now, having a pre-change evaluation period. Most have said two weeks, & that's why I decided on the two week period. Even after this first week I have a good idea of what I'll be changing, but I know that having one other week, at least, will give me a much better sense of what needs to happen.
Yes, I've made changes before & have talked about what I've done & the progress I've made & all that, & it really bothers me that all progress I've made in the past went out the window when I ended up back where I started, & then some. I'm currently at my heaviest weight ever, & that in & of itself was a real eye opener. I weighed myself for the start of this evaluation period, & I won't weigh myself again 'til next Sunday.
I've already decided on my first weight goal - to get down to 90 kg, which is almost 200 pounds. I know some people say that I should just go straight for my final goal, which is 64 kg, or a little over 140 pounds, but I firmly believe this is best done in stages. Yes, it's great to have that one final goal to work towards, that bright & shining spot to lead me onwards, but it can be overwhelming when that's all I'm shooting for. It's great to have mini goals, & not just weight loss, either.
Yes, I want to lose weight. More than that, I NEED to lose weight. I'm in the lower end of the morbidly obese range, & I do NOT want this to be my home.
Weight loss is definitely not my only objective in this journey, though. There's so much more to it than that. Lower clothing sizes & a physical appearance that I'm pleased with. I'l shooting towards being size 14 again (I've not been that since first year of college), or maybe a size 12, but I'll be thrilled when I reach 14. Size 12 is about the lowest I could go & still be healthy, but, at my age (42), 14 is a more realistic goal, &, as I said, I'll be really happy with that.
I want increased energy, & I want to go cycling regularly again. I bought a ten ticket package at the Fitness Centre in my town, &, since I hate wasting money, it'll be a good incentive for me to go. Also, my picture on that card (it's refillable) will give me a good reminder of one of the reasons I'm doing this. I don't like how I look (part of it's the angle, since it was taken with the webcam pointing up at me), but it's not a good picture of me. I'm smiling in it, & I'm a generally photogenic person. My face is fine enough, but my chest! Whoo-ee! Part of it's the shirt I'm wearing as well, but, well, yeah - you get the idea. It's just not my favourite picture of myself.
The Fitness Centre opens at 6:15 AM each weekday, & I'm going to start going either this coming Monday or Tuesday. I don't work Sunday to Monday nights, & so going on Monday would be a great thing. However, I could also go on my way home from work. Yes, I'd be pumped up from the exercise & would probably not sleep all that soon after I get home, but that's all right. I work at 10 PM, & so going to bed a bit later in the morning's fine, too. As long as I try for 8 hours, it's good.
I'm going to be spending a lot more time here on SP. I've been coming here mainly to get my daily log in points, as well as the occasionally recording of things, but I know that I need the support that being active on this website has given me in the past, & I'm going to take advantage of that. I also want to be of support & encouragement to others - for me, that's just as important as receiving it myself, if not more so.
Well, I've typed enough for now. Much of this is a bit of rambling, but that's all right. It seems to say what I want it to well enough, & you get the idea of what I'm doing & going through right now, I hope. It's good to put my plans out there, &, please, please, PLEASE - if any of you ever want to ask me how it's going, please do so. Please feel free to ask right on my page in a comment if you want - my page is public for all SP members to check out & for leaving comments & the like - or in a private message. Either one works for me.
If you've made it this far, thank-you so much. Blessings to you & may you have success in your own journey.