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Spark People: Dissolver of defects of character ...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Who doesn't have a few defects of character ... or many? Not the issue, though, is it? My specific defects of character are, of course, cuz it simply is not useful (or appreciated) to examine and inventory the defects of others ...

Ah-ha! One of my classic defects is doing just that - in the privacy of my own mind, and hoping my resentment or irritation don't "leak" out of my pores in detectable amounts. I catalog what bugs me about others as if I can improve the world by getting a really clear list made of what's wrong with them. Every time I catch myself doing that, all I can do is stop and refocus on myself.

One major defect in my character has been this lifelong toying with facing down my addictions - food and spending. Have I conquered them? Won't know until I am dead! Either one can rear up and re-assert itself anytime!

Another is pride, unwillingness to admit my struggles. And another is ego - over-valuing my perceptions and experiences to the detriment of others. I could go on and on.

The point is that my involvement in Spark People has encouraged me to gradually own up to the way these defects stand in the way of achieving my goals and maintaining them and - importantly - being happy and at peace with myself.

I think the practice of logging on every day and reading other peoples' posts and blogs has sensitized me to real struggling, even more than sitting and counseling people. I suppose that's because here on SP I do not have to maintain any "professional distance" - can't, cuz I am in the same boat as everyone else here. So when I read about struggles others are having I FEEL it, I resonate with it cuz I have been there, quite recently, in fact, or maybe even right now.

I gotta say, there's nothing like being sensitized to struggles to collapse those defects of character that I use to defend myself against others. It is hard to maintain defences when I am resonating personally with someone else's pain. This is good cuz staying fat for me has been about avoiding facing pain (I know, it backfires, cuz being fat has also been very painful! Weird, huh?).

Blogging is like working In the Twelve Step program. My blogs are usually my "inventory" work on defects and struggles. On Spark People, most everyone blogs, so it is not only acceptable, on the Community Team, it is a requirement to blog regularly, in order to stay involved.

This is an ideal supportive environment for working out these "bugs" in my nature. It is scary at times, confusing, painful ... and the rewards are many - from learning and realizing brand new awareness to the joy of regaining lost function and seeing myself slim and in size medium. It is worth it in every way to chip away at the defects.

I am absolutely floored by how much Spark People has come to mean to me, how amazing the process of learning is being, and how much I have changed. I have blogged about gratitude before, and will again. I a very grateful I am very glad y'all are here. Please, keep on Sparking!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUECHRIS50 7/24/2012 1:07PM

    I totally feel you on this!

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THOMS1 7/22/2012 3:12PM

    emoticon
Good blog!

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AUNTB63 7/22/2012 10:12AM

    Once again you have succeeded in getting us to put our thinking caps on. We all have faults. Excepting them or at least acknowledging them is not always easy. But there is a "freeing" of our spirit when we blog or read others blogs. Knowing we are all striving for that same "healthier lifestyle" helps keep us grounded and united. Supporting, encouraging and just plain accepting others (and ourselves) is very rewarding. Have a great Sunday.... emoticon

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SPIRIT42013 7/21/2012 11:49PM

    Wonderfully expressed! If nothing else, blogging keeps me from spending more time eating and obsessing over food and weight. This is a remarkable, free site! We owe SparkGuy a lot! emoticon

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RECREATING_ME 7/21/2012 10:27PM

    Wow, that is a very powerful post! Definitely good food for thought...

I agree with you completely about how being on Spark People brings about a lot of introspection into what has contributed to my current state and what has stood (or still stands) in the way of meaningful change. It's only been two weeks back for me, so I've got a great deal of work to do, inside and out.

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