Saturday, July 21, 2012
I haven't blogged all year (it's late July), but it doesn't mean I wasn't active.
I joined a 24 hour gym in...I believe it was April...and have been attending periodically. It's much easier to head up there any time I want as opposed to trying to fit gym time into my night schedule where I might sleep straight through their open hours.
I also had to take a hiking class this summer. I don't normally do summer semesters, but I was literally 7 credit hours away from graduation: knowing this, I saved some of my financial aid from spring semester. I will be graduating next Friday with my Associates in Arts Transfer degree. I ended up taking 8 credit hours, because I redid a computer class I hadn't handled well in the past (3 credits), a required math course (3 credits) and there weren't any 1 credit courses I could take, so I ended up taking the two credit hiking course. I was nervous, since my heart is still not normal (that's being worked with), but I needed those credits. (I also didn't tell my councilor about it, since she makes me feel so ashamed for other different-abilities, like my bi-polar disorder.)
Well, in order to pass, you had to do 4 hikes out of five. Turns out my teacher could only fit three hikes in, anyway, because of the weather on our coast.
But I did seven hikes.
I did the three that they went on, and I did a fourth on my own. Only one did I have serious difficulties with, and I refuse to ever do that one again (at least, at that pace anyway.) But I needed to redo the two that I had forgotten my camera on. And I also did one independent hike, which my teacher told me to do because of my heart condition, he didn't think I'd do well on the one that kept being postponed because of the weather. The first time, I didn't have my camera, so I had to redo that one as well.
I did seven hikes in a two month span.
And since I felt so out of shape compared to my classmates (who likes being the biggest in a PE type class? Nobody, I bet) I kept hitting the gym every few days to up my endurance.
I have done almost half my workout minutes for the year. I don't think I have ever come that close to my goals. Most of those minutes were from the past two months. I had to take a screen shot of the graph to prove it to myself.
So, while I fell off the face of Sparkpeople, I haven't given up or given in.
I did reach a new high weight, but I immediately dropped five pounds and maintained it. So now my next goal is another five pounds.
There is something else, something I was thinking about last night.
A little over a year ago, I realized I had too much on my plate. I needed to get back into school (I was going to be on accademic probation when I did return), I needed to finish unpacking and cleaning my house (we'd lived there for over a year!), I was under constant stress at my work, where I did the work of three people and was constantly being yelled at by customers, and I was tense in my marriage, not to mention my mental health and my newly discovered heart condition. To ask me to diet and exercise and focus on weight loss? Please!
So, I figured I'd work on a few things at a time. My husband allowed me to quit that job and return to school, and he would go to school part-time. This cleared up a lot of stress in our marriage, allowed me to develop a support system, and I excelled in school, marking another thing off my list. I also was free weekends, and so I could unpack the house. I could clean individual rooms, but they never stayed very clean.
My husband and I are incredibly close and happy at the moment. We just celebrated our 7th year of being a couple this week. I'm graduating, with all my credits except for College Algebra being As (I got a C in MAT 160). And I realized that my house is being maintained at a cleaner level--while not sparkling (yet) it's actually pretty nice.
So that means...that my check list is completely cleaned off. Next on the list is my weight.
I'm not at a point where I can diet. Adjusting my intake of calories, fats, and simple carbs will have to be addressed, eventually, but not right now. I can't handle it right now. It's still my crutch, still my addiction, and I need it too bad. I generally eat healthier around the house, there isn't cookies or candy, and my snacks are things like unsalted almonds in their hundred calorie packs. I eat too large of portions, and I eat less frequently than I have before (about twice a day).
Those are all things I will have to take care of.
But I'm not ready to right now. Right now, I want to accomplish goals I can see. I want to increase my endurance. I want to increase my strength. I want my lung capacity to be more, I want to increase my walking speed, I want to know that I'm getting better.
I may never be any smaller than the size I am now. And that's actually okay with me. I may never be lighter. That's alright. I just want to be healthier. I want to be fit. If weightloss is a side effect, that's great. But I'm more concerned about making a healhier habit at the moment.