Friday, July 20, 2012
I picked up my mostly empty journal from my nightstand drawer tonight... thought maybe I'd try to start journaling again. The first entry was from August 10th, 2010, and I'd written my weight was 178. WhooOOOOAAAAHHH. What the hell has happened? I'm sure as hell not 178 now... or even in the same hundreds range. I feel safe saying I completely gave up. Like my last blog entry mentioned, I turned 40 and the weight began creeping back on. The more weight I gained, the more I gave up. I'm 41 now and will be 42 in January... that's a long stretch of half-assing it and giving up.
I hate this and I hate that I gave up but I keep telling myself, "Love yourself no matter what your weight." Partly true... I do need to love myself regardless, but I need to love myself enough to also give myself better health. But that's harder, and I've gotten lazy. What's the expression here... um, self-defeating behavior?