Friday, July 20, 2012
I am so angry so I am just going to vent for a bit. I am not going to be fair or tell the whole story. I may not even make sense. I simply need to do something just just might make me feel better.
I was told this evening that I am insecure and clingy.
What the he$%?!?!?
I am NOT. I think you know better than that.
I am strong. I am attractive. I am running again and feeling good.
He brings up that al lot of this likely has to do with Utah. But we can not do anything about it now. The worst is over.
Again, what the he@#?
I may not have handled it perfectly during the first 2. Yes, I called like a crazy person for him but I handled the 3rd one all on my own. He didn't even know it happened until 10 minutes after. Hello. I don't need him. I don't.
He says if I am behaving this way at work there will be problems too.
The PROBLEM IS (and I can't seem to learn this, year after year) that I can not /should not talk to him about work AND I have been talking with him a lot.
WHY DO I DO THAT. I KNOW BETTER.
Yes, I am SCREAMING because I am so angry could cry. I am considering going for a walk. But I may need to run but that will be seem as my being insecure or handling things poorly. What the heck. I am the one handling things.
I do not need him. I do not!!!!! I am strong. You and I both know it.
He has always questioned my abilities at work. I am fine with that i suppose. He does not know and I know. I explained to him during our discussion that yes, I was/can be stressed about work but ... they reduced my time and then things started to fall apart so they have now increased it again. That is not me being insecure or not capable.
I am starting to feel a bit better and think I may walk. It will be ok if I take my radio. Leave him with the dogs. See if he can handle it. HELLO.
I am so glad he is going out of town Tuesday through Friday. I can go into the office monday if I want.
We will be working on the acreage tomorrow together but that is ok, I am doing most of the work and I DO NOT need him.
Oh and to top it all off, he says, I know all this with Utah brought up issues with Aspen and such but he can not do anything about that. Well, what is that all about. Is he throwing in my face what I was feeling. This is crazy stupid. He wants space. He will get space!