SparkPeople advertisers help keep the site free! Learn more
    SARASMILING   34,022
SparkPoints 		30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Day 178: Trying to get my Groove Back

Friday, July 20, 2012

I'm finding that I am fighting to get my groove back. I'm not sure about some of you but after I put my weight on I did NOT want sex. (Well I did, but not with anyone with eyes.) lol! I did not feel sexy. I did not want my husband to look at me or touch my stomach, etc. I feel bad because to be honest, (Beware TMI), I only gave it up when when necessary to keep him happy.
But I want to feel sexy again. I want to want sex again. I want to feel good and not cringe if he touches my stomach. I don't want to have to hurry and hide if he happens to walk by the bathroom after I get out of the shower.
And I'm getting there. I'm slowly but surely fighting to get there. I haven't lost all of my weight and most of what's left is in my stomach but I'm trying to focus on the areas that I also felt bad about that are looking pretty good. :) Like my arms. I'm FINALLY starting to feel comfortable enough to wear a sleeveless top! Gasp! I still have flobby (as my youngest would say) arms, but just a tiny bit compared to what they were before. I'm getting there!
And then there are my legs and butt.. :) I can wear fitting clothes now and feel really good about myself.
AND I am starting to try and do other things like take better care of my eye brows and shave my legs a little more often. Things like that that I had let slide for so long because I didn't want to turn anyone on anyways.
It's funny, I spent so long with my head down and inside of my shell hoping not to be noticed because then they'll see I'm fat.. and now I'm walking with my head high and thinking everybody should be turned on when I walk by. lol!!!
I just still need to work on the being touched with out cringing thing. I'll get there. :)

Time to weigh in!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
December 12th HW- 205
January 12th GW- 195 DONE!
February 12th GW- 187 DONE!
March 12th GW- 180 DONE!
April 12th GW- 172 DONE!
May 12th GW- 165 DONE!
June 12th GW- 157 DONE!
July 12th GW- 150 DONE! On July 14th, but close enough!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Yesterday's Weight: 148
TODAY'S WEIGHT: 147.8
emoticon emoticon emoticon
August 12th GW- 145
September 12th GW- 142
October 12th GW- 139
November 12th GW- 137
December 12th GW- 134
emoticon emoticon emoticon
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 57.2 POUNDS!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon


emoticon emoticon emoticon
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGES!!!
Sunday: DAY OFF!! DONE!
Monday: Cardio & ST!! I did the Cardio part!
Tuesday: Cardio!! DONE! ZUMBA!
Wednesday: Cardio & ST!! DONE!! ZUMBA TONING!!
Thursday: Cardio!! NOT DONE!! I planned on doing the treadmill but then never got around to it. :(
Friday: Cardio & ST!!
Saturday: Cardio!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDY-TOES 7/22/2012 5:48PM

    OMG! Do I understand and FEEL every thing that you wrote about.
I am working on feeling sexy too. It s not easy. Ever since I joined Spark and started the Rock It challenge (which is what makes me exercise) I am beginning to feel better about myself and my self image.

I have faith that I'll feel "sexy" again.
I have faith that you will too.
emoticon
Regina

Report Inappropriate Comment
VETTRANGER 7/20/2012 11:46PM

    You need to know that the odds are VERY HIGH that your husband sees you as you were when you got married. My wife got very heavy too. Although I want here to be fit again (and she's on the way (about 40 pounds lost in the last year), I never stopped being attracted to her. She felt self-conscious at one time, but I explained it to her.

Be sexy at any weight, and you will be ... but be fit for your health.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LRSILVER 7/20/2012 4:21PM

    Hope you get to strut yourself soon. It does take a while for your brain to know you are getting thinner.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JCARDINAL 7/20/2012 3:42PM

    I think it takes your mind a while to catch up with your weight loss. You will get there and feel like the sexy girl you are!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITFOODIE806 7/20/2012 8:12AM

    I completely understand. The great part is that confidence is so sexy! Walk proud! Everyone probably IS checking you out!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BMW9295 7/20/2012 7:55AM

    emoticon I so understand where you are coming from. I REALLY do! Thank you for putting it into words for me. My body image is HORRIBLE, but I am starting to notice a difference. I am still a the stage of doing it to make him happy and get him to leave me alone for a short period of time. I am glad you shared "tmi" *LOL* I think MANY of us feel the way you do but are/were scared to type it out.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEFEARLESSNOW 7/20/2012 7:21AM

    I completely understand where you are coming from. I would still have sex with my husband, but inside I would be thinking "why would you even want to have sex with me." When the weight loss became really noticable, I started to feel better, and when I'm doing Zumba I feel damn sexy (as long as I don't look in the mirror..lol). I can walk down the street with the dog and feel as if no one is pointing at the fat girl walking the dog...... It's a good thing to feel good about how you look.. Hopefully one of these days you will post a picture of yourself on your page so we can see how great you look!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIV2RIDE 7/20/2012 6:48AM

    I totally understand what you are saying. The funny thing is most men don't look at your stomach or your not shaved legs or your bushy eyebrows. Hopefully you will get comfortable in your own skin and show him a little. emoticon I found that when I really focused on my yoga practice I felt sexy and more willing to put out.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMSPARKER 7/20/2012 6:12AM

    So much of what you say, I have done/felt also...not taking care of myself (the shaving legs, eyebrows, etc.), hiding from my husband...not wanting him to see or touch me...I'm still working on parts of that....

BUT GIRL, YOU HAVE LOST ALMOST 60 FREAKING POUNDS!!! That is SO TOTALLY amazing!!! Have a great weekend and enjoy your bad self! Keep on keeping on!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.