Lives with "Elephants" . . .
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Ok now let's be real . . . who likes the proverbial "elephant in the room"?
Not that elephants (the creatures) aren't cool and all . . . but that's not what I'm talking about . . . you knew that, right?
No seriously, I know people that get into some kind of conflict with family or friends, won't have anything to do with them for a while and then when they finally see them again, they act as if nothing happened. Really . . . .?
I'm sorry, I just can't deal with the "elephants". If the relationship is important to me, I'm going to have to talk about what went wrong. Otherwise, there's a good chance it will happen again. . . how can you go forward if the history is so messed up? Ok, I know you wouldn't hurt her feelings for the world . . .
but the "beast" in me just might take over if we go on like this . . .
not a good thing . . .
Love will find a way to address the elephant . . .
but that's my opinion . . .
So now it's your turn. Do you live with "elephants" and if so why, and how? Is it because there's no working it out? I'm just asking . . .
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I think everyone has one whether it's a newborn calf or the matriarch;) We definitely have our own herd!
1485 days ago
Very interesting blog. I prefer people with whom the elephant can be addressed but there are some relationships where it's just not possible, and not going to be productive.
1489 days ago
"Love will find a way to address the elephant . . . "
Oh how I wish this one were always true!
Yes... I live with a very old, very large, very intractible elephant... it has sat between my mother and I for longer than I can remember. Any attempt to budge it out of the way, love it out of the way, reason it out of the way, plead with it to leave us in peace, decorate it an use it as furniture... NOTHING has had the least impact, or diminished it presence. Even dignity and grace have not shamed it into a sullen departure. SIGH.
...But I continue to hope, pray and wait on love to speak the magic words.
1490 days ago
There's a big elephant in our family in the form of our sister who wants nothing to do with my brother or me but spends a lot of time with her grown son and daughter. She's not interested in showing any sense of family by helping going through Mom's and Dad's things, seeing family photos, hearing stories of relatives, etc., but that is her problem and my brother and I have stopped trying to change her attitude. -- Lou
1493 days ago
There seems to always be an elephant somewhere. I will be going to the hospital to visit a sister who is in CCU. Got a call tonight from another sister to tell me. I have thirteen siblings so something is always going on.
Have a terrific Sunday.
Blessings and hugs,
1495 days ago
I'm a strange bird. I'm not into drama because it stresses me out and makes me physically ill so I have to avoid people who thrive on it whether they are friends, relatives, whatever. I practice avoidance and find I don't miss toxic relationships. Some people will always be miserable and it's proven that being with miserable people makes you miserable. I surround myself with love if I can and get rid of toxic people as soon as possible.
1496 days ago
1497 days ago
I've had this happen with my mom. We had a huge blow up fight last year because some family business was being spread to her friends which were in turn sending me facebook messages about how horrible my sibling and I are to my mother. I tried to talk to her and it ended up blowing up...this steam has been building for years. But when it comes to my mom, she is never wrong, and I mean NEVER. After this blow up I swore my mother off. There was no talking to her. I actually said the words, I'm done. We went 6 months with out talking to each other. She tried, and acted like nothing had happened, but I wouldn't budge. My therapist even said that not talking to her was possibly better for the situation. After 6 months I gave in, she IS my mother. And to this day, the fight has never come up. It will most likely happen again, but this is how my relationship with my mother must be. We don't talk about how she may be at fault with something b/c in her eyes she is not at fault. It's always us...her kids. And so if I am to have a relationship with my mother, broken as it may be, this is how it goes. I'm not saying I like it. But it's better than nothing, because she is my mom, and I love her.
1497 days ago
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