Thursday, July 19, 2012
something soul crushing comes along. I am waiting for my husband to tell me to "curse God and die." *sigh* I had the total hysterectomy 5/25 and all of the carcinosarcoma was contained in the uterus (nothing had matastised, nothing in the lymph nodes). Alas, the oncologist wants me to do chemo because this is a very aggressive and quick moving type of cancer. Yesterday I had the portacath installed near my right clavicle (sore, but nothing horrible) and today I spent the entire day getting "infused" with various highly toxic substances that kill off fast growing cells (like the lining of my mouth and my hair oh, and cancer). I am doing 6 treatments every 3 weeks and they are highly intense doses. By the 2nd dose my hair will be gone. The thing that is bothering me is that I am doing this horrible thing to my body "just in case". And even then, there is no guarantee that it will find and kill any free roaming cancer cells.
I'm not as scared as I was, now I'm just ticked. Anyhow, I just want to keep track of what reactions/problems I have due to the chemo. It has been 4 hours and nothing yet.
7/22: ok... I feel like I have been run over by a train - every muscle, every joint just aches horribly like a toothache; I take Tramadol 50mg but it's not relieving this pain. This is not pleasant.
7/23: I didn't make it to work today. I still feel horrible. I did lose 17 lbs in 2 days. good grief.