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    DMATTISON   34,877
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
A continuing journey

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ever since I was in high school (Richard Nixon was president, that's how long ago it was) I remember being self-conscious of my weight. Even though I was an athlete (before it was cool and OK for women to be athletes) I always saw myself has "big" and "heavy". My body didn't conform to the cheerleader type or the "Twiggy" stick figure form. I was and still am muscular with a broad frame. One of the memories that sticks with me is the yearly fitness "weigh in" at school. We were herded around to different stations where we were weighed, measured, had our eyes checked and generally looked over the any obvious health issues. I would stand in line dreading getting on the scale. Once on the scale they would announce loudly to the assistant what the weight was so everyone could hear. It was torture for me because it seemed, I know now that this isn't true, to me that all the other girls weighed in at 95 pounds or 103 or a whopping 110. When they would announce my weight, at that time it averaged around 140, I felt like a gargantuan girl. The one I remember most was when the PE teacher remarked "Wow, that's a whopper" as I stepped off the scale! Needless to say I was embarrassed and humiliated. The next year I got wise to the game, got hold of my own card, wrote down my own weight and skipped the scale line altogether!

I share this to illustrate what many women I know go through with our bodies and our images of ourselves. When I look back at those days and I see pictures of myself in high school I admire my body. I was lean, muscular and well-built, obviously athletic. But instead of being proud of my body I was ashamed of it, all because of that little number on the scale. We are so much more than that number and I mourn the fact that it's taken me this long to realize that!

As I continue this journey of self-awareness I hope to begin focusing on my fitness and strength. Putting the scale as the number one focus, for me, isn't the best way to go. If I maintain my exercise and activities, do my strength training to build muscle and strengthen my bones, the scale issue will resolve itself. Therefore, I am changing my tracker today to track exercise minutes instead of pounds lost or current weight. It's my first step to getting healthy and another step along my journey to self-acceptance and ultimately a more healthy and longer life!

Everyone, do this for yourself, not the scale or others, for you!
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TCHNCRFT 7/20/2012 10:31AM

    I think it's horrible what some adults do and say to kids about their bodies. They should know how easily children absorb those messages and keep those words with them.

As a teenager, I was skinny but I actually had hips. Of course, back then, I thought my hips and thighs were HUGE. What a distorted view we often have about our bodies. How sad it is that we've wasted time and mental energy worrying about body parts that were/are fine.

Congrats on taking a new approach to your weight loss. You're right. If we focus on living a healthy, active lifestyle, our weight loss will eventually follow.
In the meantime, let's enjoy how our bodies move and feel, and discover new ways of challenging ourselves to do more with these wonderful bodies of ours.

Good luck on your journey. Your new attitude should take you far! emoticon

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BLUEPHOENIX80 7/20/2012 8:35AM


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PATTIE441 7/19/2012 8:03PM

    What a great blog! Great job! You are doing wonderful! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/19/2012 8:03:57 PM

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SASIKHASI1 7/19/2012 2:13PM

    I too dreaded the scale at school. I was always told by my mother that I was fat. I look back now on my pictures and see a little girl who was red cheeked, healthy and round. I have always been short, and always will be. I am not quite 5'4, but am the shortest in my family as well. I think it was cruel of the staff at the schools to do what they did and they all did it. I got teased endlessly at school and at home because I did not have hair like Shirley Temple or a figure like Twiggy. I now ignore my mother and trust me, she is still at it. I have lost 50 pounds and that is not good enough for her. At my nephews wedding I told her when she brought it up that I did not care what she thought and I actually told her to shut up. It felt good to walk away and see her standing there with her mouth hanging open.

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GENESIS2012 7/19/2012 1:59PM

    What a great blog! I can identify with you. I was not "fat" as a teenager, however, I always felt "fat" because most of the other girls were built differently then me. I was always chesty and always had a very curvy figure, so when I read "Twiggy" in your blog, it just immediately registered because she was big when I was in H.S. too - as was the Vidal Sassoon geometric, swingy-straight hairstyles. I didn't have the Twiggy figure and flat chest and I had thick, coarse, wavy hair - no swingy-geometric hairstyle possible for this gal! All this added up to make me feel like a freak! How awful that we women judge ourselves based on pop-culture and not on the wonderful attributes that God gave us! I like what you did with your ticker. Mine tracks my Spark Points. I, like you, refuse to define who I am by the scale! Keep blogging because as you can see, we do inspire each other emoticon

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