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    _RAMONA   43,083
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I Never Saw This One Coming...


Thursday, July 19, 2012


"And then WHAM! This thing just came right out of left field."


Okay... here's the deal... someone more or less demanded I email them one of my blog entries so they could use it for their own purposes... and I quote:

"Please email me your blog so I can print it, mark it up, re-read it and think about it."

Really???
(Not sure why they even bothered with the 'please'.)

When I nicely suggested that I wasn't open to their request (and then when subsequently pushed... admitted to being a little offended, actually), and both times happily directed them to resources that would give them access to the same information I had, they suggested that they meant no harm (suggesting that I didn't understand the compliment)... and STILL wanted me to do as they bid.

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I feel offended (I'm not here to do anyone's 'bidding').

I feel cornered (clearly stating my boundaries apparently isn't enough).

I feel (in a comparatively benign way) violated.

I feel disrespected.

I feel pi$$y about it...

...and you want to know something funny?

This is the second time I've experienced this here at SparkPeople (the last time an inquirer wanted to copy and tape my very personal blog entry verbatim to their bathroom mirror (it was one of those 'I think I just left a chunk of my heart on the paper' blogs... raw, intensely personal)....YES! They said that! I didn't want to be on some random person's bathroom mirror and I said as much [I didn't say they couldn't do it... because really, how would I stop them?]... and they got *really* mad... went on the attack).

(For the record... I don't think MY process, MY effort, MY work, MY most intimate thoughts should ever be taped to your bathroom mirror.... I believe it reasonable for you to use my writing as a springboard... to DO YOUR OWN WORK, formulate your own thoughts, and write out in YOUR OWN WORDS whatever you choose to tape to your bathroom mirror. I don't know you well enough to hang out naked with you in your bathroom... just saying.)

Both requests came from people who I had never before encountered on the site.

...And, OKAY... I.GET.IT.

I get that this is not a private place.

I get that anyone can copy/steal anything... pieces of my blog could be on a dozen (or more) bathroom mirrors as we speak... and anyone could have the whole thing printed off in a file on their desk... tabbed, highlighted, and marked-up. I don't like the idea, I think it's wrong (just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should... integrity has to count for something... especially within the context of an on-line community)... but I know I can't control the standards each person sets for themselves.

I even realize that according to Spark terms, I don't even own the rights to my own blog content... and I'm mostly okay with that, because of the sense of community and support this place engenders for the most part... and because most people seem to get that it's a special gift that people do risk, and open up, and really share their hearts here; and most do treat that knowledge with the utmost respect and dignity.

Yet something about these two requests seems very wrong (and I would suggest that anger 'at' (or poor me... I don't understand why you're being so mean to me... now I need to leave SparkPeople) in response to anyone respectfully expressing one's own feelings about something always suggests something amiss... something from which to keep one's distance... a disordered need.

I'm not sure I'd feel so strongly except yesterday, in glaring contrast, someone else made a similar request... in a much different way... in a way that uplifted us both... and we had a mutually respectful exchange. We are now friends excited to share this leg of our individual journeys, each of us enriching the other's experience.

Literally the same request... yet one gave me a knot in my stomach, while the other warmed my heart and caused it to bloom.



So, my question to anyone reading... am I crazy to feel as I do? Am I over-reacting?

(Please, don't just blow sunshine up my skirt... I really do want to know... I don't always trust my own judgement in these sorts of situations, and sometimes I need help adjusting/balancing my perspective.)




...And, there's a bigger part of the picture...

I don't really talk about it (because, for the most part, it no longer defines who or how I am in the world), but I am an incest survivor. NOTHING about my life was safe (there were no boundaries of any sort) until I was 23 years old and had moved far beyond the reach of my family and the community where I grew up. I was 30 years old, with 7 years of intensive therapy behind me, before I could consistently set boundaries in my life and hold firm against all who would try to rearrange them to suit their own agendas. Even when I joined SparkPeople four years ago, my first year here was a struggle to find balance between pleasing others (because I really wanted to be liked, and I REALLY wanted to play with the 'big kids'), and pleasing myself. Defining and maintaining boundaries in my life is somewhat fraught with vulnerability (still), and a certain degree of insecurity when challenged. None-the-less, and community aside, I understood that I needed to make this journey about and for ME.

So, I started clearly defining myself and my needs based on what was best for me in the context of this journey to health and well-being... and, seemingly as a result, I started offending people...

...over little things like not responding to every page and blog comment (because sometimes the choice is take care of myself and my loved ones in 3D, or take care of my on-screen life), or not keeping every goodie I receive (because I need to be able to find those that truly motivate me and feed my soul when I really NEED them... after 4 years, I can't be weeding through 100s to find one... it doesn't mean I appreciate any one any less, it just means I am looking after myself and creating a reality that feeds my momentum), or not keeping every page comment (I delete them after I respond... same reasons as for the goodies), or for saying as nicely as I can manage "you're standing on my toes... please get off" - though sometimes 'nicely' is hard if the treading foot is extra heavy...

...and people have told me off
...people have unfriended me
...people have given me the 'silent treatment'
...people have castigated me on team threads

...all because, if I must, HERE I choose myself and my journey and my needs over taking care of the feelings/needs/wants/desires of others... and (very occasionally... like now) it feels a lot like being a little girl again.

You know, choosing between yourself and someone else shouldn't ever be a choice anyone is expected to make... especially within the borders of an on-line community designed to help each individual find and maximize one's own potential.

Everyone here should be expected to choose, and be honoured for choosing, themselves... because that's what it takes to make lasting change in one's life.

Most everyone is here because, in one way or another, they are really bad at choosing themselves.

(Eventually, if you stick with it, you learn that even when you do occasionally choose others over self it is a choice for self... and this is the point at which you really know you've grown up and are able to balance... but that's a whole other blog.)

The greatest gift we can give one another on this journey is the freedom to choose self... without judgement, without recrimination, without expectation, without pressure, without censure, without imposition, without backlash.

When we find that freedom, isn't this what makes the journey what it needs to be... what it's intended to be?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AMMENDMENT ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay... As I read initial responses, I realize I've either not made myself clear, or perhaps I really don't quite know what's bugging me about this, LOL! I do know that I now additionally feel 'misunderstood'. SIGH.

As I already said, I *GET* that I really have no control over what happens after I've posted something... and I don't expect to have (so please, my dear friends, resist the urge to continue to point to the obvious). This isn't an issue of my 'privacy'.

And even knowing the realities, I don't think it necessarily precludes my having feelings about those realities... like being shoved roughly against a parked car on a crowed and busy city street... I know it can happen, but I don't have to like it... nor should I necessarily refrain from objecting, even as I dust myself off, set my elbows to fend off further assaults, and continue on my way.

I guess this is about a tone (self-absorbed, insensitive, over-bearing), a sense of entitlement (because I could just take it if I wanted, you shouldn't object if I do... or if I demand you hand it over... and you should THANK ME for at least asking), and about a certain lack of regard for the GIFT that each person is sharing by sharing their journey.

For instance, a dear SparkFriend (whose page is private), posted a picture and specifically asked that no one 'steal' it and share it... she acknowledged that she couldn't stop anyone from appropriating it, but reserved the right to choose where that picture went. Her page being private, she had a reasonable expectation (I think) that her request would be honoured... and it wasn't. One of her 'friends' posted it on their facebook page. I feel that, too, was a violation... it's seems wrong to me to covet for any reason and outright 'steal' bits of a person just because you can, and because to do so meets some perceived 'need' of your own.

To justify it as flattery, seems to me to be a callous and self-serving response. Can I really be the only person who feels this way?

It's the same with a blog, I think. Blogging has a good-faith agreement implied... I'll open my heart and life to you and you will, in turn, treat it as the gift that it is. Even (and maybe especially) if it touches you in a compelling way, you should still consider the sensibilities (time, effort) of the person who wrote it when/how you take what you need from it. To simply just take/demand anything from someone because you've decided that you need it, no matter how easily acquired, seems the height of entitlement to me (I feel like a commodity... a THING... a means to another's end)... not flattery (recognising someone as a valuable PERSON with gifts to share)... especially when (as in this case) there is no established relationship, or investment on your part.

I've been asked about, and have willingly shared, many aspects of my journey here at Sparkpeople (I have gladly responded favourably to many people's requests.. I have friends here who have some of my writing filed away in their personal journals)... today isn't a matter of my generosity (or perceived lack thereof)... it's a matter of being able to say, "I feel disregarded in how you're treating me, and I don't appreciate it" and to have that respected.

NOT what happened in this instance.

Another way to look at it... it's the difference between being held up at gunpoint (gimme) or, with a sense of gratitude at discovering something precious, asking, "may I please share in this experience and keep a little for myself because it would mean the world to me to do so."

With respect to the former I will resist and turn away (it's visceral... I don't like being grabbed at... physically, or emotionally), yet to the latter I will always open my arms/heart.

Is this any clearer?

Perhaps I simply have a need to feel understood (or, contrary to my earlier assertions, to really just have sunshine blown up my skirt)?
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~~~~~~~ OUR HEROINE CONTINUES TO PONDER ~~~~~~~

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So, I think I've identified the root of it all for myself (and why this all feels like stroking an old bruise)... largely thanks to your generous responses (it's interesting how even responses that sting from people you KNOW love and accept you have the power to transform for the better)... I'm one of those people who sometimes needs to talk herself into sense, LOL!

At an objective level I understand that this inquirer's sense of worth is attached to the appearance of consideration and respect for others (like my little girl when caught in the midst of some transgression sullenly responding, "but I ASKED first")... that she too is doing the best she can (being an adult doesn't necessarily make you all grown up). Yet, like a couple of commentors, I don't understand why she didn't just copy it herself and be done with it... why the repeated insinuation into my space, and bullyish pushing?

HA! There... I've found the root of it, LOL!

THIS is exactly what bothers me... I'm disturbed by her insistance that I define myself according to her expectations and need.

I feel as I do, and I shouldn't have to justify myself to anyone else, let alone change how I feel/respond so that some incidental (to my life) one can feel better about themselves, or better meet their own needs (that's a privilege accorded through relationship). The inquirer made an arrogant, self-serving demand couched in flattery... I don't want to be flattered, I want to be appreciated, and sincerely acknowledged... especially in terms of all I choose to share in my blog. HERE, I want to be defined by my own expectations. And while I can't control the reactions/expectations of others, I can choose whether or not I cooperate with them.

When I say, "Back off" I expect that to be respected... that it wasn't in this instance, is to be duly noted and heeded. And in that context, I now understand why I feel as I do, and I know I am not over-reacting... taking care of your own sensibilities is never over-reacting. By going private for a bit, I'm simply re-establishing FOR MYSELF where I end, and others begin. I'm making who I am very clear. Those who truly care about me... those who recognise me as a valuable PERSON with gifts to share (not a THING to be accessed for one's own purpose)... won't have any problem with that.

...And I also realize that some people WILL think me oversensitive and over-reactive... and that's okay, too. Potentially being so (and being thought so) isn't a character indictment. I don't have to apologise or give any thought to changing this in myself at this juncture (unless it's affecting any relationships I truly value with others or myself)... my level of responsiveness and reactivity in any given situation is the result of my life experiences, and the degree to which I am able to take responsibility for my own experience (responsibility defined: my ability to respond). When I don't trust in my ability to respond, stepping back is a better response.

(Incidentally, I believe we reach maturity when we can figure out how to meet our needs without impingeing on the needs of others... and when we can accept that it is our responsibility to do so.)

Something else that is suddenly in my head: "You trust people only to the degree that you trust in your own ablity to handle all they may do/be in your life." DR. PHIL MCGRAW

Through this event, your comments and my processing, I realize today that I've grown in my ability to trust in myself.

One of my favourite quotes (I really wish I could find the source):
"God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED - To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

...I'm another step closer to the person I am meant to be!

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Finally, THANK YOU, to all of you - my friends - those of you embraced within the circle of my wagons... THANK YOU for accepting me, encouraging me, loving me, cheering me on, challenging me and freeing me to be uniquely myself.

It's because of all of you that I'm making lasting changes in my life!








May today and every day bring to you a ridiculous abundance of whatever you need. May all your concerns, struggles, anxieties and fears fall like ashes as you rise on eagle's wings, SOARING above all that would hinder you along this tremendous adventure of being and becoming all you are created to be. May the grace of God simply "overtake" you moment by moment. May the joy and victory of the risen Lord be yours in a very personal way... may you always be overwhelmed by the grace of God, rather than by the cares of life!

{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
Ramona




(quote by CHRISTINE MASON MILLER)


...Because you choose YOURSELF!

JUST DO IT.

UNTIL.



'BEFORE' Pictures (May 31, 2009 - September, 2011) & Continuing PROGRESS (February 2012)! Next pictures September 1, 2012!
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=2108514

(I'm now keeping these right under my nose... in addition to being part of every blog I post, they are printed off and taped to my bedroom mirror)


Measurements, Musings & Motivation to MOVE!
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=2108455

(UPDATED/rewritten: JUNE, 2012)


I've Reached My Goal Weight!!!!!!!
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
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al.asp?blog_id=2108522

NOTE: My weight tracker is NOT a truthful representation of my weight. Instead, I am using it as a tool to help me visualize my goal as though it's already been achieved!
(Tom Venuto)


UNTIL. (My 'Just Do It' blog)
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=3541059



DONE Girl Love...
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=3694266

(the footsteps into which I place my own feet)


Leaving NORMAL
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=2232914



Why I'm STILL here... my SparkJourney Saga
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=1656330









Words CAN Be Enough... page 3
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=4932741





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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GROKGRANNY 8/11/2012 10:25AM

    This was a beautifully written, heartfelt expression that I understand completely. And your feelings should be honored. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world, ready to take advantage of you and your feelings if THEY can benefit. I have walked that road a lot, myself.

I, too, come from a highly dysfunctional background with a lifetime of shame forced on me and abuse, culminating in my mother walking out of the entire family 9 years ago when I was 50. Oh, and my brother went with her! To where, we do not know. The entire fam damily was "fired." Myself, my husband, my children and her great grandchildren.

So, yeah...I get abandonment, mistreatment, people pleasing, struggling to set boundaries and the resentment of someone trying to take advantage of you are steal your very heart for their own selfish gain.

With your sharing (and our pvt.) messaging, you have given me the clarity on how I want to move forward with my blogging. God bless you for being willing to continue to "put yourself out there" with the good heart underneath of hoping your sharing will motivate others. You sure have motivated me. But (and you know this)...you need to keep firm boundaries in place in order to protect yourself. It's been shocking to me how easily people will take advantage of another, if they can benefit. It is the height of selfishness.

For me? Blogging will continue but I don't know how deep I will go. When I found my entry on Google with my picture, my weight, my everything out there? I felt supremely violated. Just a week before I (at the urging of my Spark pals), put up before and after pics. They have since been taken down. I don't want THEM on someone's bathroom mirror or on Google!

It's a shame, but Sparks refusal to honor privacy has made me dig my heels in.

Big hugs to you today and may the God of all comfort, bless you with peace...today and always.

GG

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STONECOT 7/28/2012 3:36AM

    I think you're completely right, although blogs are in the public domain they still remain private. It's like taking a friends old knickers and displaying them in a shop window!

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DETERMINEDJANET 7/26/2012 11:41PM

    I "get" it too! Hugs!!!!

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EBEAMS 7/26/2012 10:36PM

    It is my opinion that people who try to "muscle" others into doing what they DEMAND is going to be done are simply very small people who are miserable in their own lives. Misery loves company ... I do my very best to never visit their very small world! Glad you got it all resolved and have moved on ... emoticon

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CJBAGGINS 7/22/2012 2:11PM

    Well!

What a to-do from your original blog.

I completely understand your feeling of being (mildly) violated regarding the odd requests from people. I believe I, too, would have felt the same. And yes, I know people can do it anyway, blah dee blah blah. Still doesn't change how I would feel, and indeed, how you felt about it.

Boundaries are tricky things. Especially when we are dealing with a lifetime of blurry ones. I was pondering that myself this past week as I had some "words" with a parent. Said parent was, in effect, telling me what to do about a situation, and suddenly I was not a 40-something, mature, educated, intelligent woman, but a child who needed telling what to do!

*sheesh*

I don't even like telling my CHILDREN what to do, if possible. I mean, I still do, but I know it's not the most productive in the long run ..

Anyway, I digress. To answer your original query - no. Not crazy. And not just because feelings are feelings, they are neither right nor wrong, but just ARE. But because you did have every reason to feel used and violated.

""THIS is what bothers me... I'm disturbed by her insistance that I define myself according to her expectations and need.

I feel as I do, and I shouldn't have to justify myself to anyone else, let alone change how I feel/respond so that anyone can feel better about themselves, or better meet their own needs. The inquirer made an arrogant, self-serving demand couched in flattery... I don't want to be flattered, I want to be appreciated, and sincerely acknowledged... especially in terms of all I choose to share in my blog. HERE, I want to be defined by my own expectations. And while I can't control the reactions/expectations of others, I can choose whether or not I cooperate with them. ""

Interesting musing here. And it has given me much food for thought. Thank you.

cj

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LIBELULITA 7/21/2012 3:27AM

    By the time I've read this blog it seems that every opinion has been posted and that you have managed to resolve your feelings over a bossy disrespectful person by yourself, so I just send you heartfelt emoticon

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KNH771 7/20/2012 2:40PM

    I think I came to this discussion a little late, but I'll comment anyway 'cause I luvs ya. emoticon

I think it's fine for people to ask, but if you do, you have an obligation to respect the person's response. It sounds like this person asked only because they assumed they would receive an answer in line with their desire. When things didn't work out the way they wanted, they kind of freaked. The repeated inquiries and pushing are probably less about your blog and more about the individual's sense of ownership. How dare you have a different world view than her! emoticon

I think there's a whole culture around online "stuff" that presumes that if you find it, it belongs to you. And the fact that you know people without "knowing" them, feeds in to that. The person probably responded much differently than she would have if speaking to you in person. Probably wouldn't have even had the courage to speak to you offline.

Hang in there!

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GODIVADSG 7/20/2012 9:26AM

    Ramona, so glad you were able to get to the bottom of the issue after a little bit of chewing on the words and thoughts for awhile. You have hit some good points regarding boundaries and again.... something for me to think about. This thing called life is truly about learning....

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SPARKYCARLEY 7/19/2012 3:00PM

    Ramona:
1 - You're awesome. Don't change.
2 - I agree with everything you said, though I would have handled some things slightly differently. For example, I know people can copy my stuff if they so choose. So, as such, I would likely say yes to their request with certain conditions (Like, any website posting must have links back to me and my page. I get credit always on any copies they give to anyone else. And, though I never had this request before, if I did, I'm sure I'd come up with plenty of other conditions too. The whole lack of privacy on SP got to me a couple years ago. I assumed most people had integrity and respect for other peoples work, pics and stuff online. I found out that someone was reading my blogs, and likely sharing them with others, and I didn't know. It was someone in my life, and as a result my safety was put in danger. I went back and copied all my blogs and their comments and put them into a private journal elsewhere, and then deleted them on SP. I also totally get the over abundance of great comments and goodies. But I print the ones that mean a lot to me and put them in a binder.
3 - you're awesome!

Anyway, I gotta go now. I'm late for a webinar. lol

Hugs, Carley

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_JULEE_ 7/19/2012 1:32PM

    Ramona! You bet it's ok that you're feeling the way you are about the inappropriate request. It's not like you hired an editor!

YES, if that person so chooses, they may copy and paste the text from your blog into the program of their choice, print it and scribble away on it, but the demand itself is THE issue here.

It seems to me that some people EXPECT to make requests (nay, demands) of some of us who seem easy going - and they fully expect to NOT get a NO. When they do, they huff up and act out - like the babies that they are.

Keep doing what you're doing and if someone isn't grown up enough to handle ALL of you - opinions, boundaries, etc., they can just mosey on down the road.

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Comment edited on: 7/19/2012 1:35:01 PM

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/19/2012 9:39AM

    Annnnd this is why my page is private. emoticon

The climate of this site has changed so much in 3 years that I no longer feel comfortable being open to new people finding me. I have received emails that are weird, obnoxious and stalky. I know the people I have on my page are people who I can trust (I'm about to "weed" again from people I haven't heard from in months and honestly don't know well enough to keep around. I said that it's a two way street if I add them and that doesn't seem to help)

I don't think you're overreacting but I'll say this...the fact that they asked instead of just taking it says they at least respect you enough TO ask; even if it was done in completely the wrong tone that somewhat reeked of disrespect. I shutter to think where the crap I've written has turned up! HA! Personally, I think bookmarking a blog and referring to it from time to time should be enough for people.

If nothing else has convinced me to not splash my face all over my blog, recently Amanda of Kevin and Amanda.com had her before and after pics stolen and a reader found it hung up at a restaurant peddling diet drugs!!! This happens ALL the time. People steal what isn't theirs and use it for God knows what.



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DEDICATED2HIM 7/19/2012 8:58AM

    hi Ramona,
I completely "get" what you are saying here, what your complaint is and why you reacted the way you did. I am a person who uses the internet constantly and post my heart and my art perhaps way too freely...but I do so with a certain degree of an assumption of trust between myself and the reader/viewer. Unfortunately, what I consider to be obvious in terms of manners, respecting creative rights and plain good neighborliness, is not always comprehended, respected, nor returned to me in the same manner as I extend it to others. It should not have to be that artists refuse to use the internet....because it is a marvelous venue for communication and self-expression. I guess when we extend that "self" to others, on the Net, just as in real life, there will be heartless, insensitive, abusers. It's a shame to have to expect that and to be prepared for it. But it's the reality. I am so sorry you got treated as rudely as you did. It happens...not to diminish the power of pain when it does,...just maybe try to limit it from happening again by posting a blog such as this that you have posted which makes clear the manner in which you want to be treated. And have every right to be treated.

And (btw) I don't answer every blog comment or respond to every goodie either...And you're right , that in no way diminishes m y enjoyment of them...simply that something else took my time rather than writing a thank you note. Maybe that's rude. If so , I guess I am rude too. I think that to answer EVERY SINGLE overture made to me, diminishes the times when I REALLY want to ESPECIALLY thank someone. Anyway...thanks for a great blog HUGS BACK!

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HEALTHY4ME 7/19/2012 8:05AM

    As I have only just "found' you and your blogs and so thankful that I did, I can't say I know you in the least.
I would say that I presume I would be honoured to think that someone would want to refer to my blogs or be so inspired/motivated that they want to keep it. I can honestly say the blog on paleo hit me that way, I was so amazed at how well written, how informed and how much thought was put into the presentation. Now also, to say I want to use it to mark up, ect is not a very polite way of saying that they found it enlightening in anyway. Any blog or quote I have found on Sp I have said WOW you are doing a great job, would you mind if I take that quote for myself or such and such a paragraph and save it for future reference. I also say as previous responder did, lol you can take what you will from the internet, she didnt' have to ask copy paste is there for most of us that know that much on puters.
What scares me about the copy and paste is the plagerism that can occur. I have read lots of messages and think wow and have truthfully shared some on my blogs but so saying said this is so and so's words, I can't express it as well and she/he said I can share.
So it is an individual choice if you want to "allow" someone access to this stuff, even though they have it really.
ME I would be honoured. I would be so excited if ever I get a "famous" blog but I am not a good writer, I don't think and try to formulate I just write.
HUGS and do and say what you feel. I for one an thankful and honored that I found another great spark friend that can write so eloquently.


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TINATC26 7/19/2012 7:18AM

    So sorry you are feeling violated, my dear friend!! As I was reading, though, a few things popped out at me:

First, I have to say, I am most curious..why would somone need to have your blog emailed to them when they could just copy and paste it to whatever they want to themselves? Or they could just print it off right from their computer?

Second, I don't know if over-reacting is the term I would use. I do think that once you put it out there, it is fair game for folks to do whatever they want with, and if it's to tape it to the bathroom mirror, isn't that the most sincere form of flattery any of us could ask for? I mean, I understand we usually put it out there to help ourselves on our own personal and particular journies, but really, if our own experiences or journies help others, is that a bad thing? If I know you, and I think I do, my dear friend, I would think your response to this question would be "of course it's not a bad thing." I certainly don't mean to be putting words in your mouth, but I just think that would be your response. So, assuming I am right about how you would respond to that question, I think you should wear the fact that someone wants to take your words and use them to help themselves as a good thing...

The internet has invaded our privacy, but I would say in the case of blogging, we are willing participants in that invasion, it is we ourselves who are sharing our thoughts, perhaps our deepest secrets, how can we be taken aback by the thought that someone might be moved enough by our words to want to "save" them??

Now, it is outright rude for someone to demand anything of us, because, as you say, we all have lives and have the right to devote only as much time as we have to sparking. So I certainly do not blame you for drawing a line in the sand as to what you can or are willing to do with respect to emailing something, or citing sources, etc. But that takes me back to point one..if someone wants your words, all they have to do is hit the print button, or copy and paste..

This response is being written early in the morning, when I've only had my first cup of coffee, so if I am missing something obvious from your blog, please, please, please accept my apology in advance.. But I am just not sure what part of someone seeking to use your words and experiences to help themselves is creepy.. I understand that your own particular history is sensitive, and I understand that it is that very history which can lend to an amplified sensitivity to what we view as "invasions to our space" (be it personal physical space, emotional space, cyber-space), but I think that once we put it out there, it is fair game for discussion, not in a judgmental way, but in a way that could go as far as someone wanting to use it for their own healing purposes. But sadly, even if it were used judgmentally, or not in a healing way, other than being disappointed in the lack of humanity that someone who so misuses it displays, I think we would have to admit that by putting it out there, we have done so knowing the risk that that could happen.

Okay, my two cents. For what it is worth. I don't know if it helps, you know I don't mean it to hurt.. Love you, my friend..

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NEW-CAZ 7/19/2012 4:03AM

    I TOO have had this happen and have spent hours pondering.
The bottom line is once it's on the computer (email/blog/internet/goggle) it's out there and can't be undone.
I am now more careful in my words and think twice.

It's a sad fact that the internet has invaded our privacy in a way that was probably never intended, but there's no going back.

I'm sorry you feel violated Ramona, but it's gonna happen again sometime. I just hope next time it's an uplifting experience and not one that has you quaking in your boots emoticon emoticon

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