Wednesday, July 18, 2012
What to blog about.... I guess, I could just go with what's on my mind for today, since it is my first post! Here I am 28, married, a four year old son (Camden), a (almost) two year old daughter (Hayleigh), a full time college student in her 2nd semester, a stay at home momma and dangerously close to the 300lbs mark. I haven't weighed myself in awhile. I get too obsessed with numbers. In the past i would get on the scale everyday looking for results....made me crazy...
I know I need to change my life. I have been on Spark before.. I believe it was 2007 right around the time I got pregnant with my son... funny, started losing weight( went from 245 to 220-something), and BAM preggers!! I gained around 60lbs when I had him and lost most of it after I had him. he was 9lbs 11.6oz of that weight! Months passed and I suddenly found myself gaining again. Was depressed ( I was already diagnosed with depression, then also had postpartum), constantly tired and not active in the least!
In 2009 I got married and things got a little better. I was trying to lose again, and doing alright. I was eating healthier. I have never been a soda drinker, so that was not a problem. Eating out, that was the problem... I LOVE FOOD!!! and I love trying new foods, cooking new foods, and I love baking.... I somehow managed through it. Losing maybe 20lbs.
End of 2009 I found out I was pregnant again. This time I lost weight during my pregnancy. They were worried I was not eating... funny the day the doctors asked me about my eating I told them I had loaded nachos for breakfast... bad choice I know, but it was the only thing I had wanted that morning!!!! I was much more active during this pregnancy, I was craving healthy foods (with the exception of that nacho fiasco), and I was feeling great!! If every pregnancy was just like this one I would reach my goal weight in no time! LOL!
Now it's almost two years later since Hayleigh was born, and the pounds are packing on!
Stress, depression, tension an MANY other factors make me once again turn to empty calories, binge snacking, laziness, tiredness and just an all around self hating emotional roller coaster!
I was a size 16 in October and I am now back at a size 22... I am disgusted with myself. I knew I had to get back on here. I knew I had to start. I needed to find motivation, drive..something.. anything..
This virtual world is my only support net. Reading other blogs and stories really helps me stay focused. When I feel bad.. I come here.... When I want to eat and eat and eat.. I look at my tracker. When I feel no energy I look through the workout stuff.. Heavy cleaning..... exercise and chores at the same time???? YES!!!!
I told everyone at the start of 2012 that this is my year for change. I need to adhere to that. Between school, kids and being on here.. I think I can really do it. I just need to stay motivated and stay positive... and get off the couch.....