Wednesday, July 18, 2012
So, I'm still totally scared of the scales, but I check in every day. Seems TOM (MAY be leaving me now...*crosses fingers*) and my inability to do as much as I was doing last week, combined with whatever else I have going on (pain, mostly) has me right around 307. *bangs head on desk* Seriously, if I do not see a loss this week...even .1 pound, I think I might throw in the towel for good.
I know what you're thinking. "It's just one week!" But it's not. It's been my life for the past 6-7 months. I'm treading water and not getting any damn where and I'm sick and friggin' tired of it. So there.
Still, Friday is two days away and I'm not giving up without a fight. Most weeks my weight fluctuates up the first few days, and then back down the rest of the week, so hopefully that trend will continue. (It did come down like 1/2 a pound today from yesterday.) Friday is all that counts, really, so I'm going to do what I can for the next two days and see where I'm at again on Friday.
My eating was good yesterday.
I did go for my run, but I'm paying for it now.
My hip still hurts and, honest to God, it's pissing me the hell off.
Once again, I'm going to have to give up the one thing I love more than anything.
Even though I love the way it makes me feel in the moment and just after.
Even though it seems to be the best for my endurance and stamina.
My body friggin' hates me and it's going to do everything it can to stop me from succeeding.
My heart is too good to get any rise from a low impact workout.
My body is too weak to do anything more.
Rock, meet Hard Place.
Now that we're getting to know each other...
Could someone PLEASE find me a sledgehammer?!
Don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom over here.
(Though I do tend to get snarky and sarcastic when I'm upset over something I feel I'm losing control over...I call it "snarktastic".*)
Last night I threw together a beef stir fry that was mostly Paleo and included a crapton of veggies. Carrots, cabbage, red pepper, onion, and kale, all mixed together with beef flank steak. Not a single complaint from any of the boys/men in the house. And all I needed after that was a couple dark chocolate chips to satiate my sweet tooth and the rest of the night was spent resting and icing and going to bed early.
And I am proud to report that I was able to pull myself out of bed early for an early morning swim. 1200 yards this morning. OMG! I felt that! I am SUPER sore. I could feel the heat radiating off my body in the water. It's so strange to sweat while you're in a pool of water. I mean, you know what your body is doing, but there are no outward signs of it. STRANGE.
Anyhow, I'm on week 3 of my 0 to 1650.
400 yards, 12 breath break
200 yards, 10 breath break
4x100, 6-8 breath break (I forget)
4x50 (which I split into 2x60 and 2x40), 4 breath break
It went pretty alright. I had to do a couple laps in "recovery" mode (not kicking my legs) to stave off an oxygen-deprived headache, but I came out of it in the end and only cramped up a smidge on my last two laps. Not too bad, especially considering I went into it with a sore left knee (it did pop out at one point) and a bum hip (I never knew how important hips were for swimming until I started this program). Plus (shh...secret time...) I beat the guy in the pool next to me! Nevermind that he was probably 20 years older than me and I barely beat him, but I DID beat him without really trying too hard. *snort* (No, it wasn't a competition...but my competitive mind can't help but notice when it's in first place. *lol*)
So, I'm still moving forward. I did have another ungodly breakfast (g'd'it golden M! *shakes fist*), but I'm all out of eggs and haven't had the chance to get more, leaving little left at my house but cereal. Grains...with dairy poured over it...full of sugar. Hrm. No. Of course, what I had wasn't much better, so...
AND, no leftovers from last night, which means I'll have to grab something for lunch today. Always a challenge, but I think I'm up to it. (Or I'll just force down another salad with tuna on it. I think I've decided that I don't much care for tuna unless it's in sushi form...) For dinner I'm making our Sausage and Cabbage "Noodles" with Fried Apples again, so I'm really looking forward to that.
And tomorrow? Who knows! I haven't even figured that out yet. It will just be Hubs and I and the temptation to eat out will be enormous, but I have to hold off on that for the weekend and try to find something to cook. Again, this will be after my "run" that will now be a 35-40 minute walk. *sigh* (I can't help it. It makes me feel like a loser remembering where I once was and now feeling like I'm incapable of just about everything. I'm having to skip the Rockin' Body routines as well, even though I can already see them working off my love handles, because they work my hips too much. *trying not to scream*)
I have nothing else for you.
I'm doing whatever I can get away with...but it hurts.
Going to try stretching again, but I wonder if I didn't hurt it worse last night with some of my stretches.
Need to ice myself later.
I don't have to be at work until 10am tomorrow.
This means I could do my walk in the AM and be done with it, if I wanted to.
Or I could just sleep in.
Either way, I'm going to get some much needed rest once the boys are off with G'ma.
And they'll be gone until Monday!
And I leave Saturday with Hubs for a quick romantic getaway!
AND I'm taking Friday for myself and doing pretty much whatever I want. I may end up at the gym for some more laps since I missed Monday, but after that I plan on hitting up Old Navy to reward my good deeds from last week and the week before and get some stuff for this weekend (for FREE! *lol*). I may also walk/shop through the mall. Haven't done that in a while...
And I may look into that new suit I really need. This one is wearing down pretty quickly now, so a replacement will have to happen very soon.
Mantra for today:
Just get through today, a shorter day tomorrow, and then you can relax and enjoy your weekend.
BTW - I have already decided that Saturday and Sunday I will not log ANYTHING. I may look things up to see if they're reasonable, but I'm going to mostly go on gut and intuition. I don't plan on overindulging, though I do fully intend to share some dessert with my Hubs on Saturday night and may have a glass of wine or champagne with dinner. Other than that, I'll be conscious without being overbearing over what I eat and how much I move. I need to give myself that. The freedom to just BE for a day and a half. When I get back home, it's back on!
I'm not worried too much about this since all we have planned is hiking, followed by more hiking, followed by a fancy dinner (which usually means reasonable portions), followed by a delicious homecooked breakfast (honestly, this might be the only thing I could feel guilty about, but I refuse to as it is my first and only time in a B&B and I plan on enjoying the experience if I can), followed by more hiking, followed by a car ride home. What's there to worry about? The books I plan on reading during the drive or on down times? The whirlpool bath I plan on taking Saturday night? All the hiking and picture taking I plan on doing? Probably the first trip in a LONG time where I haven't thought or cared too much about when and where we eat, just all the stuff I want to see and relaxing I want to do.
* GG quote, anyone?! ;)