Wednesday, July 18, 2012
On June 23rd, during my workout, I broke my foot. Well actually I ripped the tendon from the bone, taking bone with it, and fracturing that bone. This is a tiny bone right on the outside of the foot.
In the scheme of things, this is a bump in the road. At this age (46) my mother was already living in a wheelchair, in chronic pain, only able to tolerate sitting up a few hours a day. This is nothing.
So why am I having a hard time with this? I am riddled with guilt, because I have much to be thankful for.
I am a competitive Dance Roller Skater, placing at the Regional level and competing at the National level. I skate at least 3 times a week for 3 or more hours, often 4 times a week. I also work out consistently, doing kettle bells, TRX, Spinning and boxing. I love to hike, climb (casually) and play with my youngest on the trampoline.
I am resenting this break! I am still getting my workouts in, but not to their normal intensity. However, I haven't had skates on since June. I will miss this year's National Competition, including meeting the new skaters I have connected with online. I love to spend time climbing a waterfall in my area and sitting behind it, praying and meditating. There is such peace and power there. I won't be able to do that this year either.
I am a "fat curvy girl" masquerading as a healthy fit woman. I can feel those fat cells just exploding with every activity I miss. It makes me weep. Hence, the guilt. In the land of want and need, I have a home, a family, friends, my Faith, and one tiny broken bone that will heal.
Perhaps I need to find the lesson in this.