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Surviving a broken foot and broken dreams

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

On June 23rd, during my workout, I broke my foot. Well actually I ripped the tendon from the bone, taking bone with it, and fracturing that bone. This is a tiny bone right on the outside of the foot.

In the scheme of things, this is a bump in the road. At this age (46) my mother was already living in a wheelchair, in chronic pain, only able to tolerate sitting up a few hours a day. This is nothing.

So why am I having a hard time with this? I am riddled with guilt, because I have much to be thankful for.

I am a competitive Dance Roller Skater, placing at the Regional level and competing at the National level. I skate at least 3 times a week for 3 or more hours, often 4 times a week. I also work out consistently, doing kettle bells, TRX, Spinning and boxing. I love to hike, climb (casually) and play with my youngest on the trampoline.

I am resenting this break! I am still getting my workouts in, but not to their normal intensity. However, I haven't had skates on since June. I will miss this year's National Competition, including meeting the new skaters I have connected with online. I love to spend time climbing a waterfall in my area and sitting behind it, praying and meditating. There is such peace and power there. I won't be able to do that this year either.

I am a "fat curvy girl" masquerading as a healthy fit woman. I can feel those fat cells just exploding with every activity I miss. It makes me weep. Hence, the guilt. In the land of want and need, I have a home, a family, friends, my Faith, and one tiny broken bone that will heal.

Perhaps I need to find the lesson in this.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for the prayers, and sharing your stories.

    I've been doing my kettle bells (and ramping up the weight! I can now swing a 20k!) and I've been doing TRX Suspension training. What I'm missing is cardio. I skate a lot, and do spinning. Yesterday my trainer friend encouraged me to hop back on a bike. No "hills" or getting out of the saddle. We share the same orthopedic doctor, he allowed her to ride when she broke her foot.

    I made it 11.7 miles in 45 minutes, and was dying. I usually do 20 or better. However my goal had been 7, then I reset it to 10. All in all I'm happy with the result, and will get back on the bike much more. I did back off anytime my foot began to ache.

    My friends, including the fabulous scoutingskater, are at Nationals, or soon arriving. I am grateful that I have all that I do, and joyful for them. I will be back in skates as soon as I can!
    2066 days ago
    One thing that I found when I broke my foot and was in a wheel chair I struggled daily with the depression. I remember the night before doing the double cross waltz and how much I loved skating. Then two days before a meet I broke my foot and because of a bad knee on the other leg I was in a wheel chair. I went to the meet because of the kids and the only thing that kept me from breaking down the whole time was Suzi taking my place and skating with Bryan (she will never do that again) last year was so hard for me at nationals as well and I did cry most of the time last year. I am back this year and you will be back next year! I still think I would have placed last year and I feel like that was stolen from me but it also makes me more determined this year.

    Hang in there!
    2067 days ago
    Sorry I am kinda in the same boat except it it not my foot but arm. I have an inflamed rotator cuff. I was going great with my exercise now I am sidelined too. Not to mention school being out that ruined things too for me. Oh well begin again when I am able so all I can do.
    2067 days ago
    Keeping you in my prayers! emoticon emoticon
    2067 days ago
    OOLaLa53, I can absolutely related to the statement, "our minds never really show us the whole picture", and that our personal reality can take on more importance for us than our global reality. Thank you for reminding me.

    GuitarWoman, my daughter had both bunions removed from both of her feet when she was only 16. She too had pins etc. I understand. I am wearing a "hot icky" boot as well. I do have a rather good sense of laughing at myself. I took some of the Swarvoski Crystals used to stone my skating dress, and "stoned" my boot! At least I am "walking in style." LOL I am getting workouts in, including my kettle bells and TRX, just not tot he same intensity. It is the missing calorie burn from skating that is rough. I will go and check out your blog. Thanks!

    Melinda (great name!) I am logging my food intake everyday, and watching the calories as I burn less. I also take some of the best nutritional supplements available in the world. I appreciate the reminder.

    MRE1956, it is rough stepping back. I have worked so hard, and I am in far better physical health than I ever was in my 20's or early 30's. I don't want to lose that ground.

    In just a few months I (along with my husband) will be taking on the parenting role again. Our daughter is pregnant, living with severe mental illness. She is planning on placing her child (full legal adoption) with us. Not what I had in mind at age 46, well, Ill be 47 by then. So my staying strong, fit, and healthy is going to be even more important. We do have a 15 yr old that is excited to be an older sister, and more than willing to help, but she also needs to be a teen.

    I got a good kettle bell workout in yesterday with my trainer, I will do another today, and TRX on Saturday. I can't do it to my normal intensity, but I am grateful for the ability to continue.

    Thank you again for your responses! So appreciated and helpful.
    2071 days ago
    Oh geesh. Just a bump in the road. Take the time you need to heal. Keep your nutrition in check and you will do fine :)


    Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
    Melinda (gopintos)
    Wheat Belly Team
    2072 days ago
    You have my empathy big time!

    On June 11 I had an official medical foot breaking in the form of elective surgery, bunion repair, hammer toe straightening, and toenail removal, yech!

    I have temporary metal poins in my foot and am unable to drive, have to wear a very uncomfortable walking boot, etc., etc. See my blogs for some info on this, I also have a pciture of the bandaged foot.

    I am no competitive athelete; on the other hand I am 64 and was treadmilling every day, doing weights, walking 15,000-20,000 steps a day.

    I was relly upset planning this surgery; I saw myself returning to my former 212 pound self.

    But, you know, I coped. After a few weeks I started walking outside a bit. I arm cycle in my basement to get some more cardio in. I adapted my upperbody workout to being done in a chair.

    And I have not gained weight. I would like to be losing a few pounds, but at least I am maintaining.

    So, look forward, you will heal annd all will be well.

    2072 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I think the lesson may be that the mind and body are actually fragile in the sense that even small things can have us thinking and feeling that the world is ending. I remember the same weekend that the U.S. starting bombing Afghanistan, a country I had visited and which was very poor, I did not look in the mirror all weekend because I had gotten my hair cut to about chin length, and I thought it was too short. I marveled even then that I could think and feel so much consternation over that haircut when people were facing real obstacles. But the mind is set up to worry over any attack to our sense of identity. And we think things should be the way we want them, not the way they are, at least in some area of our life. My theory is that as soon as we learn it in one area, the next area will come up. It's a constant lesson. Our minds never really show us the whole picture.
    2072 days ago
  • MRE1956
    Sure is rough having to step back, as it were, from things, eh? I've had to scale back my workouts a bit due to - sigh - the aches and pains of midlife - while it's not as serious as what you're dealing with, it's not fun, either, especially since I've gotten used to the pace......

    If you can't get to your waterfall, perhaps you can find some kind of alternative means of destressing.......sometimes a change of pace may just do the trick to help with your feelings of resentment......

    With the knowledge that you're doing better than your mom at your age, I'm sure you're well on your way to finding your "lesson".....
    2072 days ago
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