Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Anyone who knows me well, knows what I've been through in the past 5 years. It's been a roller coaster, and some days it all creeps back up on me and brings me down. I know that my mood effects my ability to stay focused on my health, so I'm going to write a little bit here, and hopefully purge some of the blues that I'm feeling.
5 years ago I was married to a man that I thought I would never get away from. He was abusive. Abusive to the point that I wasn't sure if I would get out alive. I didn't know who I was anymore. I'd lost all sense of self. I moved through life in a fog, trying to put a smile on so that people wouldn't know how terrible things really were.
Almost 4 years ago, after several attempts, I finally left. I walked out with only the clothes on my back, my purse, and my car. I couldn't take another second of it. 10 days later I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was terrified, but thankful that my family was so supportive.
Fast forward to today - I have a beautiful, smart, energetic 3 year old daughter, I just recently married an amazing man who is the polar opposite of my ex, I graduated with my BA, and I'm studying for the LSAT. Life has changed so much. SO MUCH. But I still get down.
Today I got an email from my ex about an event for my daughter. It falls on his weekend, so I gave him the details, leaving it up to him if he wanted to take her. He invited me to come along too. For the past year, we have been able to effectively communicate and parent our daughter, which is something that we never would have done when we were together. It makes me sad sometimes, because if just could have been different back then...
Well, anyway, I love my life. I'm just feeling blah. But, I will go to the gym tonight, and I will run that blah away. I want to crawl under a rock, but I will not let myself do that. I am going to fight through this sadness in a positive way. I've always been the type of person who shuts down when I'm sad or overwhelmed. I'm not going to shut down this time.