Tuesday, July 17, 2012
My last few blogs have been 'Blah'. Had I lost motivation or had I really just lost a part of me?
I tried to rally myself through my blogs and now it's time to face the music. Today as I sit here and contemplate the fact that I have to move my weight ticker the opposite way, I am frustrated with myself.
WTF? As a single mom now, I should be excited at the prospects of the rest of my life. I should be living life instead of watching it go by....or rather falling into an unhealthy pattern of putting absolutely everything first- besides myself. Of course my kids will always come first...but what good am I to them if I am cranky and FAT? Yup. I said it. F-A-T. (Disclaimer: Fat is relative to who you are...I am speaking only of me. With my body frame, etc. a healthy weight is between 125 and 140. I am back to 190.)
I see the scale slowly creep up with my lack of exercising. I am eating healthy still...but it is not enough for my body.
There are (small club) concerts I am looking forward to going to. Seeing bands that I used to know when I lived in Los Angeles. My self confidence is lacking. Holy crap, I was cute when I just to know these people. I want to get back on stage again. What is this emotion? Oh, Ashamed. That's it. I am ashamed I have let myself go...and in letting myself go, I lost a bit of myself. Not where I want to be.
So, I have to make a plan. That seems to help me.
The funniest thing is that I know when I am exercising and eating healthy, my mood is happier. I am more patient and relaxed. Right now I am a high strung freak of nature.
Why does our mind override what is good for us? You would think it would go on autopilot and guide you through life doing what benefits you in a positive way. I guess if that was true we all might not be here on our individual journeys.
Time to get my a$s in gear for the hundredth time and make it stick for the rest of 2012 and forever.
Anyone else going through a phase like this? Any suggestions on how to make time? It certainly seems like time eludes me!