15,000-19,999 SparkPoints 15,838

Being Honest...Looking for Answers

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

My last few blogs have been 'Blah'. Had I lost motivation or had I really just lost a part of me?

I tried to rally myself through my blogs and now it's time to face the music. Today as I sit here and contemplate the fact that I have to move my weight ticker the opposite way, I am frustrated with myself.

WTF? As a single mom now, I should be excited at the prospects of the rest of my life. I should be living life instead of watching it go by....or rather falling into an unhealthy pattern of putting absolutely everything first- besides myself. Of course my kids will always come first...but what good am I to them if I am cranky and FAT? Yup. I said it. F-A-T. (Disclaimer: Fat is relative to who you are...I am speaking only of me. With my body frame, etc. a healthy weight is between 125 and 140. I am back to 190.)

I see the scale slowly creep up with my lack of exercising. I am eating healthy still...but it is not enough for my body.

There are (small club) concerts I am looking forward to going to. Seeing bands that I used to know when I lived in Los Angeles. My self confidence is lacking. Holy crap, I was cute when I just to know these people. I want to get back on stage again. What is this emotion? Oh, Ashamed. That's it. I am ashamed I have let myself go...and in letting myself go, I lost a bit of myself. Not where I want to be.

So, I have to make a plan. That seems to help me.

The funniest thing is that I know when I am exercising and eating healthy, my mood is happier. I am more patient and relaxed. Right now I am a high strung freak of nature.

Why does our mind override what is good for us? You would think it would go on autopilot and guide you through life doing what benefits you in a positive way. I guess if that was true we all might not be here on our individual journeys.

Time to get my a$s in gear for the hundredth time and make it stick for the rest of 2012 and forever.

Anyone else going through a phase like this? Any suggestions on how to make time? It certainly seems like time eludes me!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    little bits at a time. And yes, I've been going through that too. Helps to go back to basics. Motivations - I use the articles. They help alot :)
    2071 days ago
    The most important things for me were to find the calorie range that I would lose in, then track what I ate every day and stay on that range (or under it) consistently. As long as I did that I didn't even need to exercise. Now I'd have platueas sometimes, I think my longest was 11 days. But sooner rather than later the scale would move down again. Tracking helped me identify and replace the foods that were killing me weightwise. Once I stopped eating (and drinking) the wasteful stuff and replaced it with actually nutritious foods, I was on my way.
    2071 days ago
    I think if you can get up and do 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes at lunch and 10 minutes in the evening that you will start to build on something that seems really easy. If you do that, all of the sudden you have half an hour a day. Multiply that times 6 days and you have built in 180 minutes of fitness for the week.

    I teach a women's boot camp on Saturday mornings, and I was just telling my class this very thing. Every moment counts. Every 10 minutes is a step in the right direction of taking care of ourselves. Make it fun. Make it work in your life and you will see the weight drop and the strength go up.

    2071 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    I really wish I knew why we can work in the exact opposite to what we know is good for us, because I do it too... I eat things that upset my stomach, make me have headaches (like the chinese food hang-over of the past two days).

    But we can keep going and keep trying, thats all we can do.
    2071 days ago
    I get in those funks too and it's important to just let yourself see how much happier you were with exercise and eating right. Try to focus less on the scale and more on the little victories that tell you changes are happening. You can get through this but you just need to acknowledge your old habits didn't get you anywhere and why would you want to fall back into them. I know it's easier said than done but if you keep the right frame of mind the spark will come back to you!

    2071 days ago
  • MIRAGE727
    I think all the comments are spot on! Our motivation is our children. I look at my Granddaughter and she enjoys me and Grandma D better than anyone around here because we are active, positive, and fun. We also got rid of the weight that held us back! She is always a sweetheart with us as well. That alone Sparks me always! (Think "Call Me Maybe!" Yeah, I'm sick!)...anyway, you also have to look at your priorities, ya gotta commit, and you have to realize the consequences.
    2071 days ago
    Been there, done that! I'm in my second week back on SP after being away for over a year. I've been in your shoes and felt the same way that you feel. But this time it seems to be different for me. I seen a picture of myself from my grandaughters 4th birthday party and couldn't believe how big I was. I actually had to look twice to make sure that was me. I guess it was then that I realized if I kept moving in that direction that I wouldn't be around to see my beautiful grandaughters grow up. I got up the next morning with a new leash for life. I starting eating healthy and dropped 5 pounds in week one. Week 2 I have committed to getting in 64 ouces of water a day and at least 20 minutes of exercise daily. I'm keeping a positive attitude and notting letter others get me down. All total I have 124 pounds to lose, but I'm taking it 5 pounds at a time. I'm not letting the big picture get me down this time. I know that will hard work and determination I can do this and so can you.

    Make a plan. Set realistic goals. Think positive thoughts. Everytime you have a negative thought STOP and replace it with a positive one. Don't allow yourself to make anymore excuses. Figure out your schedule and include exercise time just like it were a part time job. Before you know it you will be well on your way to meeting your goals.

    I'll be routing for you!!! emoticon
    2071 days ago
  • BRATT6504
    Time is a hard thing to find. You have to put your health and wellness above everything else. Without you where are those beautiful kids of yours. I wish you luck to get where you want to be.
    2071 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.