Monday, July 16, 2012
I successfully avoid going out to places. I have put off dates with my husband for so long that I think he has given up on asking me. I don't feel like I belong at fancy restaurants or hip little eateries. I feel like the big blimp trying to fit in. I always think that the people at the next tables or maybe even the waiter/ waitress will think , "like she really needs to be eating that!". Or maybe they are all casually staring and waiting to see if I will finish my WHOLE plate of food. And if I do, I wonder if they are thinking , "Goodness no wonder she is like she is" .
So yes, I am a bit paranoid about this. I can't just sit and pretend that I don't care. I do care what others think of me. I don't want to be a super model or a fitness buff, I just want to feel like I belong. I want the cute dresses, skinny jeans, high heels, and fitted tops! I want to walk into a room with confidence instead of trying to shrink into the wallpaper! I want to walk with ease and comfort instead of blubbering about and sweating.
I can picture the me that i want to be. She is there in my mind just waiting to come out. I know I can do this! No one ever said it was easy...just that I could do it!! And I WILL!!!
16 lbs in a month is a good start. I'm on my way to where I want to be. =)