hating myself thin
Monday, July 16, 2012
It isn't possible. I've tried it before, many times, and failed. I cannot hate myself enough to be thin and healthy.
And I think that's a good thing.
This time around, I'm taking care of myself. Yes, I need to lose 30 pounds, but I'm not a bad person. I smile when I look in the mirror and tell myself I'm doing the best I can. Because I am. I am strong and kind and loving. I am capable of making a real lifestyle change, and being the kind of wife, mother, and friend that I want to be.
I can do this.
Over the weekend, I went to my favorite resale shop and bought myself a cute new outfit. I only spent $12, but it's amazing how a "new" top can make you feel pretty. This time around, I'm not waiting until I meet my goal weight to reward myself. Instead, I'm setting up small rewards along the way. New clothes, pedicures, massages. I know this is crazy, but I have a gift certificate for a full day at a spa--a massage, pedicure, facial, manicure...the works--that i haven't used in three years. I kept thinking I would go after I lost the weight. I was too embarrassed to go right now because I'm too heavy. I don't deserve it.
But I'm going to throw that day in the reward mix too, and not all the way at the end. Because, let's face it, this journey is hard. We need to be kind to ourselves as we go.
And when faced with a huge bowl of cheetos or a bowl of fresh cherries, which will I choose? If I don't care much about myself, probably the cheetos. But I do care about what I put in my body, and not just because it makes me fat or skinny. I will choose to be kind to myself because we ALL deserve kindness.
How about you? How can you be kind to yourself today?