hating myself thin

Monday, July 16, 2012

It isn't possible. I've tried it before, many times, and failed. I cannot hate myself enough to be thin and healthy.

And I think that's a good thing.

This time around, I'm taking care of myself. Yes, I need to lose 30 pounds, but I'm not a bad person. I smile when I look in the mirror and tell myself I'm doing the best I can. Because I am. I am strong and kind and loving. I am capable of making a real lifestyle change, and being the kind of wife, mother, and friend that I want to be.

I can do this.

Over the weekend, I went to my favorite resale shop and bought myself a cute new outfit. I only spent $12, but it's amazing how a "new" top can make you feel pretty. This time around, I'm not waiting until I meet my goal weight to reward myself. Instead, I'm setting up small rewards along the way. New clothes, pedicures, massages. I know this is crazy, but I have a gift certificate for a full day at a spa--a massage, pedicure, facial, manicure...the works--that i haven't used in three years. I kept thinking I would go after I lost the weight. I was too embarrassed to go right now because I'm too heavy. I don't deserve it.

But I'm going to throw that day in the reward mix too, and not all the way at the end. Because, let's face it, this journey is hard. We need to be kind to ourselves as we go.

And when faced with a huge bowl of cheetos or a bowl of fresh cherries, which will I choose? If I don't care much about myself, probably the cheetos. But I do care about what I put in my body, and not just because it makes me fat or skinny. I will choose to be kind to myself because we ALL deserve kindness.

How about you? How can you be kind to yourself today?

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, what a nice blog post!

    This is something I struggle to remember a lot of the time as well, but I think saying it out loud or writing it down is such a good way to remind yourself!

    I hope you keep remembering that you deserve every good thing, especially massages, because those are the best. Cherries are pretty awesome too.
    2041 days ago
    congrats on treating yourself...along the way...and also practicing self-care and kindness :)

    oh, and thanks for the egg goodies last week. you're a sweetheart!
    2043 days ago
    I treated myself with a rest day (of course my screaming quad pushed me a little in that direction) and I didn't protest when my hubby scheduled a massage for me this week.
    Love that body, it's the only one you get!
    2045 days ago
  • JULIA1154
    Good for you! I really do think you've got the attitude that will help you steer your life on a healthier course.

    Buying yourself some new clothes is a good start. emoticon
    2045 days ago
    Great mindset. So true! Now my mouth is watering for cherries :) Thanks!
    2045 days ago
    If you don't care about something, you don't take care of it. Simple stuff.

    Good on you for applying that to yourself!
    2045 days ago
    We need to remember to treat ourselves (and talk to ourselves) the way we would to a good friend. You'd never tell a friend that she's fat or lazy or stupid. Yet we run that tape in our own head at times. emoticon

    Positive self-talk needs to be practiced. It's not easy to make that change. But it is SO worth it.

    I saw a great quote on SP the other day and I posted it on my SparkPage: "If you want to change your body, you first have to change your mind." emoticon
    2045 days ago
    You have an AMAZING attitude! I love it. You CAN do it!
    2045 days ago
    I have just started trying to look in the mirror and smile at myself. It does make me feel a little bit better and it is so silly it makes me laugh which feels so good.

    Take care of yourselves today
    2045 days ago
    Beautiful! When I started SP one of my first changes was to give myself a five minute pep talk each morning. It was hard to do! Turns out I had trouble NOT berating myself for a five minute stretch. That exercise changed my life.
    2045 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.